Paragraph in the Past Time Frame
Fall 2014
Review Grammar Sense 4
Chapter 2.
Study
the professor's paragraph "Skiing in Wet Snow" – two versions.
Study the
professor's comments on previous students' paragraphs in the past time.
DF:
Paragraph in the Past Time Frame
Writing
Assignment: Paragraph in the Past Time Frame.
Observe the due date. Late assignments will not be accepted.
1. Compose a short essay of 150-175 words using different verb tenses in the past and present time frames. Refer to GS Chapter 2 The Past D4 Write and Beyond the Classroom for topic ideas. Use Writing Checklist to check your work before you post it. (pages 32-33) Underline the verbs in the present and past time frames.
2. Examine the vocabulary in your writing by copying and pasting your sentences in the Web Vocabulary Profiler at the Compleat Tutor. Strive to include at least 5% words from the Academic Word List (AWL), which are shown in yellow. Enter the vocabulary data below the paragraph.
9/26/2014
Six years ago, my husband and I went to in Rome, Italy for a vacation. I like Italy a lot because it is the ancient country and the most famous destination. Many tourists visit every year.
At the beginning, we visited the Colosseum which is the historic centre of Rome. It is a biggest amphitheatre. Then, my husband and I went to the Trevi Fountain. It is an extremely famous fountains in the world. Every visitor go there tosses a coin to wish for luck and a chance to come back there again ( I listened the our tourist guide said that). After that, we followed the tour guide to some famous buildings such as Castle Saint Angelo, Pantheon, and Santa Maria in Aracoeli Basilica Italy. Finally, we moved to the Vatican Museums. We went to St. Peter Basilica, which is one of the four Churches of Rome that hold the rank of Major Basilica. It was appropriately the Centre of Catholicism. While we were going sightseeing around the city, we listened to our tourist guide who was talking about the newest building in Rome, which was built about 100 years ago. It was amazing!
In conclusion, we had been thinking about the wonderful trip in Rome. It is a beautiful and famous city in the world where we had explored a lot of interesting things formerly we only had read about in the books. I hope that I could come back there again someday with my children.
248 words
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% |
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79.76 |
79.76 |
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5.26 |
85.02 |
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1.62 |
86.64 |
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13.36 |
100.00 |
six years
ago my husband and i went to in rome italy for a vacation
i like italy a lot
because it is the
ancient country and the most famous destination many tourists
visit every year
at the beginning we
visited the colosseum which is the historic centre of rome it is a biggest amphitheatre then my husband and i went to the trevi fountain it is an extremely famous fountains
in the world every
visitor go there tosses a coin to wish for luck and a chance to come back there again i listened the our tourist guide said that after that we followed the tour guide to some famous buildings such as castle saint angelo pantheon and santa maria in aracoeli
basilica italy finally we moved to the vatican museums we went to st peter basilica which is one of the four churches of rome that hold the rank of major basilica
it was appropriately the centre of catholicism while we were going sightseeing around the city we listened to our tourist guide who was talking about the newest building
in rome which was built about number years ago it
was amazing
in conclusion we had been thinking about the wonderful trip in rome it is a beautiful and famous city in the
world where we had explored
a lot of interesting things formerly we only had read about in
the books i hope that i could come back there again someday with my children
This composition is written in the past and present time frames, and the topic is appropriate. It uses different verb tenses in the past and present. The verbs are underlined and are used with some accuracy.
At 248, the number of words in this composition far exceeds the limit of 150-175. The writer failed to enter the vocabulary data below the paragraph. The vocabulary is weak. At 1.62%, the AWL vocabulary falls far below the desired goal of at least 5%.
Selected error corrections and comments:
The memorable trip
Cap, art: A Memorable Trip to Italy
my husband and I went in Rome,
prep: to
I like Italy a lot because it is the ancient country
art: an
and the most famous destination.
ww: a very
Many tourists visit every year.
vt: visit Rome
the Colosseum which
punc NR cl: the Colosseum, which
is the historic centre of Rome
wf:. historical
In general, historic means Ônotable in history, significant in history,Õ as in a Supreme Court decision, a battlefield, or a great discovery. Historical means Ôrelating to history or past eventsÕ: ( historical society; historical documents). To write historic instead of historical may imply a greater significance than is warranted: a historical lecture may simply tell about something that happened, whereas a historic lecture would in some way change the course of human events. It would be correct to say, Professor Suarez's historical lecture on the Old Southwest was given at the historic mission church.
It is a biggest amphitheatre.
Art/wf: a big (the biggest a. in the world/country?)
Trevi Fountain. It is an extremely famous fountains in the world.
Sg cn: fountain
Every visitor go there tosses a coin
Sva, rel pron: visitor who goes
I listened the our tourist guide said that.
Vi, det, wf, wf: I listened to our tour guide say that
It was appropriately the Centre of Catholicism.
It=?? Do you mean Rome/this part of the city?
Éis appropriately called/known as/considered the centerÉ
In conclusion, we had been thinking about the wonderful trip in RomeÉ we had explored a lot of interesting things
Logic? This does not make sense. How can "had been
thinking" be a conclusion to your trip? It looks like you put in both past
perfect continuous and past perfect verbs without considering its proper time
frame. These tenses are used in sentences with simple past to emphasize prior
actions. They cannot be used to indicate actions at the conclusion of a series.
At the beginning, you could have written: Éwent to RomeÉ We had been
considering visiting this Édestination for many years, and we had
finally saved enough moneyÉ
Please observe the word limit; otherwise, I leave some errors unmarked.
9/26/2014
It was the best summer forever. Since I had a baby
boy, we could not take a vacation. Now, my son is sixteen months old, so we can
go anywhere for the vacation. Last summer, my family went to Lose Angeles to
visit my friend. That vacation took six hours drive on the freeway. It was made
us tired. When we were there, we stayed at my friend's house. We had a fun time
over there. My friends took us to the best Chinese restaurant what I never seen
before. After that, we went to the famous Vietnamese center-called Phuoc Loc
Tho. It was very big and crowded. We went shopping and continued eating. And
then, we went to the beach. The beach was clean and the air was fresh. My son
likes water and he is very active, so he really enjoyed when we went
there. At this night, we had a good sleep. Next day, we went to Hollywood
Walk of Fame. We were excited when we could meet the famous people. It was loud
and beautiful. Finally, we came back home after two days. It was short but we
have a good time to relax and enjoy.
200 words
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87.56 |
87.56 |
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3.98 |
91.54 |
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1.00 |
92.54 |
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7.46 |
100.00 |
it was the best summer forever since
i had a baby boy we could not take a vacation now my son is sixteen months old so we can go
anywhere for the vacation last summer my family went to lose angeles to visit my friend that vacation took six hours drive on the freeway it was made us tired when
we were there we stayed at my friend house we had a fun time over there my friends took us to the best chinese restaurant what i never seen before after that we went to the famous vietnamese center called phuoc loc tho it was very big and crowded we went shopping and continued eating and then we went to the beach the beach was clean and
the air was fresh my son likes water and he is very active so he really enjoyed
when we went there at this night we had a good sleep next day we went to hollywood walk of fame we
were excited when we could meet the famous people it
was loud and beautiful finally we came back home after two days it was short but we
have a good time to relax
and enjoy
The topic is appropriate. This composition is written in the past time frame but makes no reference to the present time frame. It uses only one verb tense in the past (simple). It lacks present, present perfect, past perfect and past perfect progressive. The verbs are used with some accuracy. No verbs are underlined.
At 200, the number of words in this composition exceeds the limit of 150-175. The vocabulary data was not entered below the paragraph. The vocabulary is weak. At 1%, the AWL vocabulary falls far below the desired goal of at least 5%.
Selected error corrections and comments:
The summer vacation
Capitalize the first word and all content words (N, V, Adj, Adv) in a title. Specify the place: My Summer Vacation in Los Angeles
It was the best summer forever.
ww: ever
Since I had a baby boy, we could not take a vacation.
Boy? Do you mean if you had had a baby girl, you could have taken a vacation?
my family went to Lose Angeles to visit my friend.
sp: Los
sg/pl: one friend? Later you write friends.
That vacation took six hours drive on the freeway.
awk: Not the vacation, the drive! The drive took us six hours on the freeway. / It took us six hours to drive there on the freeway.
It was made us tired.
Active voice
When we were there, we stayed at my friend's house. We had a fun time over there.
sg/pl: friends'
My friends took us to the best Chinese restaurant what I never seen before.
ww: that I had ever seen / been to
After that, we went to the famous Vietnamese center-called Phuoc Loc Tho. It was very big and crowded. We went shopping and continued eating.
Did you eat at the Chinese restaurant and then simultaneously eat and shop at Phuoc Loc Tho?
And then, we went to the beach.
ww: Afterwards / Later in the day / At 3:00
The beach was clean and the air was fresh. My son likes water and he is very active, so he really enjoyed when we went there.
VT: enjoyed going
At this night, we had a good sleep.
ww: That / On that
Next day, we went to Hollywood Walk of Fame. We were excited when we could meet the famous people.
ww: Did you actually meet famous people? (Hello, how do you do, I'm Dung. It's nice to meet you.) Or did you see them?
It was short but we have a good time to relax and enjoy.
Tns, wf, vt: had a good time relaxing and enjoying ourselves
Please observe the word limit; otherwise, I leave some errors unmarked.
Increasing your vocabulary will improve your writing. Angel Lessons > Vocabulary resources.
9/27/2014
ItÕs been a great event of my life to be authorized to come to the US as an immigrant. The story happened a long time ago. Itwas the beginning of 1990. If needed, I think I would write and publish a book to tell the atrocity of the communists Viet Cong and the hardship we suffered after the fall of South Vietnam in 1975. The period dated April 30th was the time that would remainin our mind forever. It was catastrophic to us. While we were having a peaceful and joyful life when the North communists came. We lost our family, our homes. I mean we lost everything. ItÕs really been the end of the world. Many people had tried to leave the country but died and disappeared at sea. But thanks to the HO program, the one that helped former officers and their family to come to the US, IÕve finally been immigrated to America with my wife and my son. Now if ask how do I feel when entering to this new place, I would say we are living in a free country thatÕs given us a better life and confidence.
193 words
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% |
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90.45 |
90.45 |
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1.51 |
91.96 |
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2.51 |
94.47 |
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5.53 |
100.00 |
it is been a great event of my life to be authorized tocome to the us as an immigrant the story happened along time ago it was the beginning of number if needed ithink i would write and publish a book to tell the atrocityof the communists viet cong and the hardship wesuffered after the fall of south vietnam in number theperiod dated april number was the time that wouldremain in our mind forever it was catastrophic to uswhile we were having a peaceful and joyful life when thenorth communists came we lost our family our homes imean we lost everything it is really been the end of theworld many people had tried to leave the country butdied and disappeared at sea but thanks to the hoprogram the one that helped former officers and theirfamily to come to the us i have finally been immigratedto america with my wife and my son now if ask how do ifeel when entering to this new place i would say we areliving in a free country that is given us a better life andconfidence
This composition is written in the past and present time frames and the topic is appropriate. It uses verb tenses in the past and present, but lacks past perfect and past perfect progressive.
The verbs are underlined and are used with some accuracy.
At 193, the number of words in this composition exceeds the limit of 150-175.
The vocabulary data was not entered below the paragraph. At 2.51%, the AWL vocabulary does not meet the desired goal of at least 5%.
Selected error corrections and comments:
ItÕs been a great event of my life to be authorized to come to the U S as an immigrant. The story happened a long time ago. It was the beginning of 1990. (33 words)
Wordy / Long-winded.
tns: It was a great event / a milestone in (the greatest?/ a significant
Being authorized to immigrate to the U.S. in 1990 was one of the most significant events in my life. (19 words)
If needed, I think I would write and publish a book to tell the atrocity of the communists Viet Cong (20 words)
Vi. Pl. wo.
If I wanted, I could write a book to tell about the atrocities of the Viet Cong communists / If I had time, I could write a book about the atrocities of the Viet Cong communists (17 w)
and the hardship we suffered after the fall of South Vietnam in 1975.
Who is "we"? Is it the same as "the communists" – probably not! This pronoun has no antecedent. It clearly does not refer to "you (the reader) and I". You need to specify for the reader who "we" refers to.
Pl: hardships
The period dated April 30th was the time that would remainin our mind forever.
Ww, tns, punc, pl:
You start the paragraph in 1990, but this is not the same year, is it?
April 30, YEAR (1975?) is the date É
April 30 to WHAT DATE is the periodÉ
Put a space between words: remain in
It was catastrophic to us.
Pron ref: we, us= who, whom?
While we were having a peaceful and joyful life
when the North communists came.
This sentence has 2 DCs, no IC. 2 subordinators While, When. Use only 1 sub.
We were enjoying peaceful lives when the North Vietnamese communistsÉ/ We were leading joyful and peaceful livesÉ
Ww: came? They only came? Didn't they invade, terrorize, take over, capture, destroy, kill people?
We lost our family, our homes. I mean we lost everything.
We lost our family homes. (?) We lost our family members and our homes. (?)
I mean we lost everything.
ItÕs really been the end of the world.
Ww, tns: It was the endÉ It really seemed to be the endÉ
Many people had tried to leave the country but died and disappeared at sea.
tns: Many people tried ...
Their attempts occurred after, not before the communist takeover, before losing everything, didn't they?*
But thanks to the HO program, the one that helped former officers and their family to come to the US,
HO =? Use an acronym only after having used the full name previously (unless it's well-known to the reader, such as the U.S.).
IÕve finally been immigrated to America with my wife and my son.
tns: After X years / X years after applying for admission, I finally immigrated
Now if ask how do I feel when entering to this new place, I would say we are living in a free country thatÕs given us a better life and confidence.
Tns, vt, ww. You did not answer the question about how you feel.
Asked how I feel when (after?) entering this new place/country/land, I would say that I feel _____ since/because/asÉ
Now that I've lived in the U.S. for X years, I can say that we are livingÉ/ I would not hesitate to sayÉ
*If the actions in the middle part of the paragraph took place in 1975, the use of past perfect for the whole section would be appropriate compared to the opening sentences about 1990.
9/29/14
Airplane, one of the most important
transportation means at present, has changed our lives dramatically. The
invention of airplane made long-distance travel possible and the time
spent in travelling was reduced significantly. For instance, tracing
back to a few centuries ago, people couldnÕt even dream about the trip
across the Atlantic Ocean since such voyage was not only time-consuming
but also dangerous. In addition, such a journey was only reachable among
extremely wealthy people, whereas many others couldnÕt afford it.
However; today, with the help of airplane, what used to be a
once-in-life adventure is considered a weekly routine by many
people around the world. Hundreds of years ago, it took months to make a
trip from one country to the other without the airplane, but now itÕs
just a matter of hours. Inevitably, the invention of airplane brought the
world ÒsmallerÓ. To sum up, the great invention of airplane has made our
lives faster and more efficient than ever before.
(162 words)
|
|
Families |
Types |
Tokens |
Percent |
|
K1 Words (1-1000): |
83 |
88 |
139 |
82.74% |
|
Function: |
... |
... |
(71) |
(42.26%) |
|
Content: |
... |
... |
(68) |
(40.48%) |
|
> Anglo-Sax
|
... |
... |
(42) |
(25.00%) |
|
K2
Words (1001-2000): |
9 |
9 |
17 |
10.12% |
|
> Anglo-Sax:
|
... |
... |
(10) |
(5.95%) |
|
1k+2k |
|
... |
... |
(92.86%) |
|
AWL Words (academic): |
9 |
9 |
9 |
5.36% |
|
> Anglo-Sax:
|
... |
... |
(1) |
(0.60%) |
|
Off-List Words: |
? |
3 |
3 |
1.79% |
|
|
101+? |
109 |
168 |
100% |
airplane one of the most important transportation
means at present has changed our lives dramatically the invention of airplane made long distance travel
possible and the time spent in travelling was reduced significantly for instance tracing back to a few centuries ago people couldn even dream
about the trip across the atlantic ocean since such voyage was not only time consuming but also dangerous in addition
such a journey was only reachable among extremely wealthy people whereas many others couldn afford it however today with the help of airplane
what used to be a once in life adventure is
considered a weekly routine by many people around the world hundreds of years ago it took months to
make a trip from one country to the other without the airplane
but now it just a matter of hours inevitably the invention of airplane brought the world smaller to sum up the great invention of airplane has made our lives faster and
more efficient than ever before
This composition is written in the past and present time frames and the topic is appropriate. This composition uses past, present perfect and present verb tenses in the active and passive voices and a variety of sentence types. There are no past progressive, past perfect, or past perfect progressive verbs. The chosen verbs are used accurately and are underlined.
At 162, the number of words in this composition is within the limit of 150-175.
The vocabulary data was entered below the paragraph. At 5.36%, the AWL vocabulary meets the desired goal of at least 5%.
Selected error corrections and comments:
The invention of airplane changed our
lives
Capitalize the first word and all content words (N, V,
Adj, Adv) in a title: The Invention of the Airplane Changed Our Lives / How the
Invention of the Airplane Changed Our Lives
Airplane, one of the most important transportation
means at present
Art: The airplaneÉ means of transportation
The invention of airplane made long-distance travel
possible and the time spent in travelling was reduced significantly.
Punc IC1, + cc + IC2: Épossible, andÉ
Tns: has made, has been reduced (because these actions have evolved gradually over time)
tracing back to a few centuries ago, people couldnÕt even
dream about the trip
Dangling modifier: tracing back to a few
centuries ago, people. See http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/597/01/
such a journey was only reachable among extremely
wealthy people
ww: reachable by
However; today, with the help of airplane, what
used to be a once-in-life adventure is considered a weekly routine
punc: However,
n: airplanes / the airplane (either form can be used when it
means the generic noun)
ww: once-in-a-lifetime
the invention of airplane brought the world
ÒsmallerÓ.
ww: madeÉsmaller
Overall, very well-written, this paragraph could be improved by including when the airplane was invented (1903) or when the first commercial flight became available (1914),
Here's how you might have included past perfect and past perfect progressive: A few centuries ago, while only a few imaginative inventors had been trying to devise a way for humans to fly, most people had never dreamed of traveling in a flying machine.
9/28/2014
I lived in Xiamen in China ten years ago and for a brief time .Moreover ,I has been pleasantly surprising about this city , but When I were unfamiliar here at the beginning, I had depression . After my colleagues had invited me to visit the litchis area in the local region ,I felt cheerful .Various beautiful verdant litchi trees and various litchis were being to grown mature during early summer .Litchi is perhaps the most delicious fruit in the world.I were excited to visit traditional luxuriously green litchis villager ,picked litchis up and selected litchis .It felt enjoyably . These years I frequently think the city has being changed ,so it is more modern nowadays ;Does the litchis village be changed to be more technical ?I remember flodly this city ,for it get close to romantic beaches ,and it is abuntant land of fruits. In addition,there are goregous shopping malls in Xiamen , I were conformable to buy fashionable clothes and accouterment.
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Words in text (tokens): |
158 |
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There are no error-free sentences. The meaning of some sentences is hard to guess.
The verbs, while underlined, are used with very little accuracy.
At 163, the number of words in this composition is within the limit of 150-175.
The vocabulary data was entered below the paragraph.
At 5.7%, the AWL vocabulary meets the desired goal of at least 5%, but the word choice is poor.
Selected error corrections and comments:
I lived in Xiamen in China ten years ago and for a brief time .
WO: I lived in Xiamen, China for a brief time ten years ago.
Moreover ,I has been pleasantly surprising about this city , but When I were unfamiliar here at the beginning, I had depression .
This entire sentence has many problems, and the meaning is unclear. First of all, there is no logical reason to use "moreover", just as there is no logical reason to use 此外 in Chinese.
SVA: I have been. But this verb tense is incorrect: I was.
WF: surprised
SVA: I was
The information is contradictory. What is the point you are trying to make: that you were depressed or pleased?
After my colleagues had invited me to visit the litchis area in the local region ,I felt cheerful .
Do you meanÉ? After my colleagues invited me to visit a litchi orchard, I became cheerful.
Various beautiful verdant litchi trees and various litchis were being to grown mature during early summer .
Do you meanÉ? Many litchis were ripening on beautiful verdant litchi trees in the summer.
Litchi is perhaps the most delicious fruit in the world.
Litchis are
I were excited to visit traditional luxuriously green litchis villager ,picked litchis up and selected litchis .
This sentence has many problems in vocabulary, word order, verb tenses, word forms, punctuation.
SVA: I was
It felt enjoyably .
??: I enjoyed (what?/doing what?)
These years I frequently think the city has being changed ,so it is more modern nowadays ;Does the litchis village be changed to be more technical ?
This sentence has many problems in vocabulary, word order, verb tenses, word forms, punctuation.
I remember flodly this city ,for it get close to romantic beaches ,and it is abuntant land of fruits.
This sentence has many problems in vocabulary, word order, verb tenses, word forms, spelling and punctuation.
In addition,there are goregous shopping malls in Xiamen , I were conformable to buy fashionable clothes and accouterment.
This sentence has many problems in vocabulary, word order, verb tenses, word forms, spelling and punctuation.
Get a tutor in the Academic Support Center on campus. Take ESL950G, or review your 950G and 960GW, RV learning materials.
9/28/2014
My husband and I are very interested in travel. We would like to travel to different countries and regions if time permits. In the summer of 2010, after my colleagues and I completed a complex project， I decided to take a break to have a good physical and mental rest. So, we traveled overseas to Maldives. We spent a week on the Full Moon Island. We didnÕt have any contact with emails, phone calls and text messages during the vacation because the island's communications infrastructure was undeveloped. But I like this life style. Every morning, we were walking on the beach, collecting shells, and waiting for the sunrise. During the day, we took dolphin cruise watching dolphins chasing our boat or ocean diving. At sunset, we went sea fishing. In the evening, we lay down on sun deck of the water villa and watched stars. We also celebrated my birthday together on the island.This trip gave us lots of wonderful memories. Our goal is to enrich our life with around the world travel to explore adventures on earth.
(180 words)
K1 Words 76.67% K2 Words 8.33% AWL Words 6.67% Off-List Words:8.33%
my husband and i are very interested in
travel we would like to travel to different countries and regions if time
permits in the summer of number after my colleagues and i
completed a complex project&#number i decided
to take a break to have a good physical and mental rest so
we traveled overseas to maldives we spent
a week on the full moon island we did not have any contact with emails phone calls and
text messages during the vacation because
the island communications infrastructure was
undeveloped but i like this life style every
morning we were walking on the beach collecting shells and
waiting for the sunrise during the day
we took dolphin cruise watching dolphins
chasing our boat or ocean
diving at sunset we went
sea fishing in the evening we lay down on sun deck of the
water villa and watched stars we also celebrated my birthday together
on the island this trip gave us lots of
wonderful memories our goal is to enrich our life
with around the world travel to explore adventures
on earth
The topic is appropriate. This composition is written in the past and present time frames.
It uses verb tenses in the past and present, but lacks past perfect and past perfect progressive. The verbs are underlined and are used with much accuracy.
At 180, the number of words in this composition slightly exceeds the limit of 150-175.
The vocabulary data was included below the paragraph. At 6.67%, the AWL vocabulary meets the desired goal of at least 5%.
Selected error corrections and comments:
An exciting trip
Capitalize the first word and all content words (N, V, Adj, Adv) in a title. Specify the place: An Exciting Trip to the Maldives
I decided to take a break to have a good physical and mental rest. So, we traveled overseas to Maldives.
Turn the fragment (OK for speaking, but not for formal academic writing) into a compound sentence: Érest, so we traveledÉ
The + pl islands: the Maldives, the Philippines, the British Isles
we traveled
antecedent of we = my colleagues and I? If not, specify my husband and I.
We spent a week on the Full Moon Island.
No 'the' + name os a single island: on Full Moon Island, on Catalina Island
We didnÕt have any contact with emails, phone calls and text messages during the vacation because the island's communications infrastructure was undeveloped.
prep: We didnÕt have any contact (with people) by email, telephone, or text messaging
negative: not A or B, not A, B, or C
verb + adj: was undeveloped.
But I like this life style.
See above: Éundeveloped, butÉ
Every morning, we were walking on the beach, collecting shells, and waiting for the sunrise.
Tns: walked (completed past action), collected... waitedÉ
Or, to use past progressive: While we were walkingÉ, we collected... waitedÉ
During the day, we took dolphin cruise watching dolphins chasing our boat or ocean diving.
Det: aÉcruise
Inf of purpose, wf, ww: to watch dolphins chaseÉ dive in the ocean
In the evening, we lay down on sun deck of the water villa and watched stars.
Det: the sun deck (the N1 of N2)
Ww: Looked at/saw the stars (watch something moving)
We also celebrated my birthday together on the island.
Together? we + whom?
Our goal is to enrich our life with around the world travel to explore adventures on earth.
pl: lives
ww: by traveling around the world
Possible past perfect: My colleagues and I had just completed a complex project that we had been working on for six monthsÉ
9/28/2014
In 2011, I had been working in a retail store for 8 years. I had ever thought I would be working in the store until I retied. Unfortunately, my life would be changed because the employer was going to sell the store. I began to worry about my job like else employees in my company when I heard the news. Since the economy was declining, most employees were desperately holding on to the jobs that they had because any job was valuable in this economic environment. I had being anxious during the current employer was looked for a buyer. And I had planned to back to school to finish my college education once the new employer lay off me. After a couple months, the store finally changed ownership. The previous employer told me that she could refer me to her friendÕs store to do the same job which I presently did. Meanwhile, the new employer also asked me to keep the position to help him. After that, I learned not to worry too much for rthe bizarre future.
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Current profile |
|
|
% |
Cumul. |
|
87.08 |
87.08 |
|
3.93 |
91.01 |
|
6.18 |
97.19 |
|
2.81 |
100.00 |
in number i had been working in a retail store for number years i had ever thought i would be working in the store until i retied unfortunately my life would be changed because the employer was going to sell the store i began to worry about my job like else employees in my company when i heard the news since the economy was declining most employees were desperately holding on to the jobs that they had because any job was valuable in this economic environment i had being anxious during the current employer was looked for a buyer and i had planned to back to school to finish my college education once the new employer lay off me after a couple months the store finally changed ownership the previous employer told me that she could refer me to her friend store to do the same job which i presently did meanwhile the new employer also asked me to keep the position to help him after that i learned not to worry too much for rthe bizarre future
This composition is written in the past and present time frames, and the topic is appropriate. It uses different verb tenses in the past and present. The verbs are underlined and are used with some accuracy.
At 178, the number of words in this composition slightly exceeds the limit of 150-175.
The vocabulary data was not entered below the paragraph. At 6.18%, the AWL vocabulary meets the desired goal of at least 5%.
Selected error corrections and comments:
Contern the future
Sp: concern
Prep: concern about (sthg)
Cap, n phr: Concern about My Job
A poorly written title does not leave a good first impression on the reader.
In 2011, I had been working in a retail store for 8 years.
Spell numbers one through ten: eight years
I had ever thought I would be working in the store until I retied.
ww: had always thought
sp: retired
I began to worry about my job like else employees in my company when I heard the news.
ww: other employees
wo: When I heard the news, I began to worry about my job like other employees in my company (2 cl w/ I close together)
I had being anxious during the current employer was looked for a buyer.
tns: I was anxious (wf: had been = before they announced)
ww, wf: while the current employer was lookingÉ
And I had planned to back to school to finish my college education once the new employer lay off me.
Ww, wf: I was planning
Ww: to go back
Tns, wo: laid me off (lay-laid-laid)
After a couple months, the store finally changed ownership.
prep: a couple of months
The previous employer told me that she could refer me to her
friendÕs store to do the same job which I presently did.
Tns, ww: job that I was doing at that time
learned not to worry too much for rthe bizarre future.
ww: worryÉabout
sp: the
ww: uncertain future
9/28/2014
My first ESL classes I had in Mission College. At the beginning it was tough and I could hardly understand the people. I wasnÕt the only one who had been learning english. All the other students in my class had to study this language too. From time to time we were gathered into groups and we had to communicate with each other, through that we were improving our conversation skills. The other rigid part we had were grammar, we need to write essays in different verb forms or insert the right form from a verb in a text. The next challenge that we had was to understand the compound and complex sentence. That was and is still a very tricky part. The benefit from the English-Learner-Classes in college was challenging and very intense experience however it was worse the work. Thanks to the entire teachers, who had helped me and the support from all the classmates.
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This composition is written in the past and present time frames, and the topic is appropriate. It uses different verb tenses in the past and present. The verbs are underlined and are used with some accuracy.
At 156, the number of words in this composition is within the limit of 150-175. The vocabulary data was entered below the paragraph. At 5.49%, the AWL vocabulary meets the desired goal of at least 5%.
Selected error corrections and comments:
My Learning Experience in English!
Omit the exclamation point.
My first ESL classes I had in Mission College.
fragment: Add an independent clause: My first ESL classes I had at Mission College are memorable for several reasons. OR change it to a simple sentence: I took my first ESL classes at Mission College
At the beginning it was tough and I could hardly understand the people.
the people who were speaking English (is this what you mean? Or do you mean any people?)
I wasnÕt the only one who had been learning english.
Tns, cap: I wasnÕt the only one who was learning English.
All the other students in my class had to study this language too. From time to time we were gathered into groups and we had to communicate with each other, through that we were improving our conversation skills.
Comma splice error (cs): Éother. Through
The other rigid part we had were grammar, we need to write essays in different verb forms or insert the right form from a verb in a text.
Ww, sva, cs, tns, ww, prep: Édifficult partÉwas grammar. We needed to write essays usingÉform of a verbÉ
The next challenge that we had was to understand the compound and complex sentence.
Ww, art, pl: understand and learn to write compound and complex sentences
That was and is still a very tricky part.
Part of learning English?
The benefit from the English-Learner-Classes in college was challenging and very intense experience however it was worse the work.
Illogical: benefit was challenging
ww: English language classes are challenging (in general? Or were -- past and no longer true?)
punc, ww, wo: and my experience was very intense; however, it was worth the work.
Thanks to the entire teachers, who had helped me and the support from all the classmates.
SV, ww, punc, tns, awk: I give thanks to all of the teachers who helped me; in addition, I appreciate the support fromÉ
9/28/2014
Last Sunday, my
husband had purchased a license with credit card online,
before he went to a lake shore to go fishing. I fairly like fishing,
hence I accompanied him to go there. At this time every year,
many anglers pour down to lake shores in search for freshwater
fish. Firstly, we prepared some baits and then put the
fishing rod in the lake. Next we focused on watching.
I didnÕt have much patience and looked at the
fishing rod frequently. My husband told me not to do
that, otherwise I would never catch a fish. My husband caught two
bass, but I caught none two hours later. Leo Tolstoy,
who was a Russian writer, once said "The
two most powerful warriors are patience and time." I made myself
more patient and careful. Finally, I caught a fish and was so
happy with my success in fishing. I appreciate that
fishing benefits me and let me cultivate
my patience. No one's born being good at things, you become good
at things through hard work.
(171 words)
WEB VP OUTPUT FOR FILE:
Untitled
Words
recategorized by user as 1k items (proper nouns etc): NONE
(total 1 tokens)
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This composition is written in the past and present time frames, and the topic is appropriate. It uses different verb tenses in the past and present. The verbs are underlined and are used with some accuracy.
At 171, the number of words in this composition is within the limit of 150-175.
The vocabulary data was entered below the paragraph. At 5.34%, the AWL vocabulary meets the desired goal of at least 5%. Errors in word choice are included below.
Selected error corrections and comments:
Last Sunday, my husband had purchased a license with credit card online, before he went to a lake shore to go fishing.
Tns: Last Sunday is a specific time in the past: use simple past. The past perfect is used after and in conjunction with another specified time in the past:
Last Sunday my husband and I went to a lake to fish / went fishing at Lake (Name). My husband had already purchased a licenseÉ
I fairly like fishing, hence I accompanied him to go there.
Wo, ww: I like fishing fairly well, so I accompanied him in this activity.
many anglers pour down to lake shores in search for freshwater fish.
ww: in search of
Firstly, we prepared some baits and then put the fishing rod in the lake.
Ww, ncn, ww: First we put bait on the hooks/prepared some fishing rods with bait; then we cast our lines into the lake.
If you put the fishing rod in the lake, you'll probably lose the rod and never be able to catch fish!
Next we focused on watching.
ww: watching what action?
Next, we waited. (?)
I didnÕt have much patience and looked at the fishing rod frequently.
Unclear: looked at the rod? Were you holding the rod? Raised the rod to look at the hook? To see if a fish was on the line?
My husband told me not to do that, otherwise I would never catch a fish.
That=? Looking cannot be harmful; that is why I suspect your previous verb phrase is imprecise.
Punc: that; otherwise,
My husband caught two bass, but I caught none two hours later.
Tns, wo: but in two hours, I still had caught none.
Leo Tolstoy, who was a Russian writer, once said "The two most powerful warriors are patience and time."
Add: I recalled the words of Leo Tolstoy, a Russian writer, who once said, "TheÉ
I made myself more patient and careful.
Show the connection: This made meÉ
I appreciate that fishing benefits me and let me cultivate my patience.
sva: benefitsÉlets
No one's born being good at things, you become good
at things through hard work.
sp: No one is
comma splice error (cs), ww: Éthings; one becomesÉ
9/28/2014
Although the first time I flew on a plane was many years ago, I can still remember how afraid I was that day. All my life, I had imagined what it would be like to fly in an airplane. Finally, in March of 2010, I boarded my initial flight oversea when I immigrated from Vietnam to the United States. I was so excited before the plane flew. Nevertheless, by the time the plane began to fly, my status had been changed. Every time the plane hit a little bumpiness of air, my hand turned white. I was so nervous during the entire flight that I did not eat the meal they gave me. I would not even go to bathroom. I could only be released when the plane finally landed at my location. Since then, I have been on more than three flights, but I can still remember many small details of the first airplane flight.
K1 Words (1-1000):657412982.69% Function:......(82)(52.56%) Content:......(47)(30.13%)>
Anglo-Sax
=Not Greco-Lat/Fr Cog:......(35)(22.44%)K2 Words (1001-2000):99148.97%> Anglo-Sax:
......(5)(3.21%) 1k+2k
......(91.66%)AWL Words
(academic):7785.13%>
Anglo-Sax: ......(1)(0.64%)Off-List Words:?553.21% 81+?95156100%
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Current profile |
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% |
Cumul. |
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82.69 |
82.69 |
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8.97 |
91.66 |
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5.13 |
96.79 |
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3.21 |
100.0 |
This composition is written in the past and present time frames, and the topic is appropriate. It uses different verb tenses in the past and present. Almost all verbs are underlined and are used with much accuracy.
At 156, the number of words in this composition is within the limit of 150-175. The vocabulary data was entered below the paragraph. At 5.13%, the AWL vocabulary meets the desired goal of at least 5%. Suggestions for improved word choice are included below.
Selected error corrections and comments:
My first flight
Capitalize the first word and all content words (N, V, Adj, Adv) in a title.
in March of 2010, I boarded my initial flight oversea
sp: overseas
I was so excited before the plane flew.
ww: very excited OR so excited that + clause
ww: the plane took off/took flight
sp: Nevertheless, by the time the plane began to fly, my status had been changed.
Nevertheless = in spite of that. in spite of what?
Ww: the plane left the ground / took off
my status had been changed = you had been granted citizenship?
However, when the plane ascended, my physical condition changed. (active vi, not passive)
Every time the plane hit a little bumpiness of air, my hand turned white.
ww: a little turbulence
pl: hands – or did only one hand lose its color?
I was so nervous during the entire flight that I did not eat the meal they gave me.
No antecedent for pronoun they = who? Use passive: the meal that I was given. (Active: the meal that the flight attendant gave me)
Pl: meals – or were you served only one meal across the ocean?!
I would not even go to bathroom.
det: to the bathroom
I could only be released when the plane finally landed at my location.
ww: I could only relax ? (A prisoner may be released from jail after serving time for his/her crime.)
ww: destination
9/29/2014
This is my 2nd time I got the chance to come here. I faced many rejections from visa office new Delhi capital of my country (India). Last time when I came here 1st time I joined dance class, yoga, swimming and painting classes. I got the visa only for 3 months but my classes were really amazing. I had learned many things by the best teachers and they completely guided me in a right direction. I had been learning music and dance from my childhood and some time some classes I took during my vacations of school and in my college also I learned these activities. I got the real relaxation while doing all these creative things in my life. I came here in my uncle's home so he was working in a software company and only in weekends I used to go local places of California. I saw different culture, best whether and lot of variety in food items. I went to san Francisco, LA(los angle) and golden gate bridge was the most beautiful dream of my life. When I went to India I got many good friends from USA, and still they are in my good touch, and I am talking with them by social networking sites,phone and video chat.
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this is my number time i got the chance to come here i faced many rejections from visa office new delhi capital of my country india last time when i came here number time i joined dance class yoga swimming and painting classes i got the visa only for number months but my classes were really amazing i had learned many things by the best teachers and they completely guided me in a right direction i had been learning music and dance from my childhood and some time some classes i took during my vacations of school and in my college also i learned these activities i got the real relaxation while doing all these creative things in my life i came here in my uncle home so he was working in a software company and only in weekends i used to go local places of california i saw different culture best whether and lot of variety in food items i went to san francisco la los angle and golden gate bridge was the most beautiful dream of my life when i went to india i got many good friends from usa and still they are in my good touch and i am talking with them by social networking sites phone and video chat |
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This composition is written in the past and present time frames. The topic is not unified; there are many disconnected ideas. There are many awkward phrases, some of which I can guess and correct, but some of which are unclear to me. All of the sentences have errors; there is not one error-free sentence.
This composition uses different verb tenses in the past and present. The verbs are underlined. The verbs are used with a little accuracy.
At 212, the number of words in this composition exceeds the limit of 150-175.
The vocabulary data was not entered below the paragraph. At 3.27%, the AWL vocabulary does not meet the desired goal of at least 5%. A lot of words and phrases are misused; suggested revisions are included below.
Selected error corrections and comments:
My experienced in USA last time
awk: My First Stay in the USA / My Previous Stay in the USA
This is my 2nd time I got the chance to come here.
awk: I am in the United States for the second time.
I faced many rejections from visa office new Delhi capital of my country (India).
Tns, art, prep, cap: I had faced many rejections from the visa office in New Delhi, India, when finally I was granted permission to come (as a tourist) (in year). – past perfect, active, and simple past, passive.
Last time when I came here 1st time I joined dance class, yoga, swimming and painting classes.
awk: The last time I came here, I took classes in yoga, swimming and painting.
I got the visa only for 3 months but my classes were
really amazing.
awk: Although my visa allowed me to stay for only three months, my classes were really amazing.
I had learned many things by the best teachers
and they completely guided me in a right direction.
Tns, ww, punc, wo, art: I learned many things from the best teachers, and they guided me completely in the right direction.
I had been learning music and dance from my childhood and some time some classes I took during my vacations of school and in my college also I learned these activities. I got the real relaxation while doing all these creative things in my life.
awk: It's unclear what the main point should be or how these words are related to your previous stay in the US.
I came here in my uncle's home so he was working in a software company and only in weekends I used to go local places of California.
awk: I stayed at my uncle's home. / I stayed at the home of my uncle, who worked during the week. On weekends, he would take me sightseeing around local areas in California. (?)
I saw different culture, best whether and lot of variety in food items.
pl: cultures
ww, wf, sp: experienced the best weather
ww: and tasted a large variety of food
I went to san Francisco, LA(los angle) and golden gate bridge was the most beautiful dream of my life. When I went to India I got many good friends from USA, and still they are in my good touch, and I am talking with them by social networking sites,phone and video chat.
These ideas are all mixed up. The Golden Gate Bridge is in San Francisco; it is far from Los Angeles. You need to clarify your ideas, put them in logical order, use precise vocabulary and accurate grammar.
Get a tutor in the Academic Support Center on campus. If you haven't already taken ESL 940G or 950G, I recommend you enroll in one of those courses next semester. If you already took it, I recommend that you review your the learning materials from those courses with the help of a tutor.