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Skiing in Wet Snow, v.1
by Marsha Chan
Skiing is one sport that our family has enjoyed
since my two children were very young. Since my daughter has been studying at
UCLA, we have had to make special arrangements in advance to ski together.
Tiffany returned home last month to go skiing with us. However, we did not make
it then, for it was snowing too heavily, and driving on the mountain roads was
dangerous. This past weekend, we tried again. The meteorologists said it was
going to snow, but the roads were clear on Friday, so we departed. When we
started skiing on Saturday morning, the temperature was warm, and the sky was
clear. After we had made just a few runs down the ski slopes, the temperature
dropped suddenly, and it started to snow. The weather forecasters had been
right. Still, we continued skiing through the wet snow until our clothes became
soaked and our fingers numb. Although the weather had been bad, my daughter had
a lot of fun, and we all enjoyed skiing as a family.
(172 words)
skiing is one sport
that our family has enjoyed since my two children were
very young since my daughter has been studying at ucla
we have had to make special arrangements in
advance to ski together tiffany returned
home last month to go skiing with us however we
did not make it then for it was snowing too heavily and driving on the mountain
roads was dangerous this past weekend we tried again the meteorologists
said it was going to snow but the roads were clear on
friday so we departed when we started skiing
on saturday morning the temperature was
warm and the sky was clear after we had made
just a few runs down the ski slopes the
temperature dropped suddenly
and it started to snow the weather forecasters
had been right still we continued skiing
through the wet snow
until our clothes became soaked and
our fingers numb although the weather
had been bad my daughter had a lot
of fun and we all enjoyed skiing
as a family
In an effort to incorporate
the use of academic vocabulary from the Academic Word List (AWL), I used
LexTutor Web Vocabulary Profiler http://www.lextutor.ca/vp/eng/ and the
thesaurus at Dictionary.com http://thesaurus.reference.com /
Skiing in Wet Snow, v.2
by Marsha Chan
(revised to increase academic vocabulary and annotated with
an analysis of sentence structure and verb tenses)
Skiing is one sport that our family has enjoyed
since my two children were very young. My daughterıs residence at distant UCLA
has required us to make prior arrangements to ski together. Last month, Tiffany
returned home to ski with us. However, we did not reach our target, for it was
snowing too heavily, and driving on the mountain roads was dangerous. This past
weekend, we pursued another trip. The meteorologists had predicted snow, but
the roads were clear on Friday, so we departed eagerly. When we started skiing
on Saturday morning, the temperature was warm, and the sky was clear. After we
had skied just a few runs down the slopes, the temperature dropped suddenly,
and it began to snow. The weather forecasters had been accurate. Still, we
continued skiing through the wet snow until our clothes became soaked and our
fingers numb. Despite the poor weather, at the end of the weekend, we concluded
that our trip had been worthwhile, and we had achieved our goal of skiing as a
family.
(173 words, 11 sentences)
skiing is one sport
that our family has enjoyed since my two children were
very young my daughter residence at distant ucla
has required us to make prior
arrangements to ski
together last month tiffany returned
home to ski with us however we did not reach our target
for it was snowing too heavily and driving on the mountain
roads was dangerous this past weekend we pursued another
trip the meteorologists had
predicted snow but the roads were
clear on friday so we departed eagerly when
we started skiing on saturday morning the temperature
was warm and the sky was clear
after we had skied just a few runs down the slopes
the temperature dropped
suddenly and it began to snow the weather
forecasters had been accurate
still we continued skiing through
the wet snow until our clothes
became soaked and our fingers
numb despite the poor weather
at the end of the weekend we concluded
that our trip had been worthwhile
and we had achieved our
goal of skiing as
a family
AWL [11:11:11] accurate achieved concluded
despite goal predicted prior pursued required residence target
- Skiing is
one sport that our family has enjoyed since my two children were
very young.
Complex: IC +
DC + DC.
Verbs: simp pres, pres perf, simp past
- My
daughterıs residence at distant UCLA has required us to make prior arrangements
to ski together.
Simple: IC.
Verb: pres perf
- Last
month, Tiffany returned
home to ski with us.
Simple: Adv + IC.
Verb: simp past
- However,
we did
not reach our target, for it was snowing
too heavily, and driving on the mountain
roads was dangerous.
Compound: Adv +
IC + cc + IC + cc + IC.
Verbs: simp past, past prog, simp past
- This
past weekend, we pursued
another trip.
Simple: IC.
- The meteorologists had
predicted snow, but the roads were clear on Friday, so we departed
eagerly.
Compound: IC +
cc + IC + cc + IC.
Verbs: past perf, simp past, simp past
- When we started
skiing on Saturday morning, the temperature
was warm, and the sky was
clear.
Compound-complex: DC + IC + cc + IC.
Verbs: simp past, simp past, simp past
- After we had skied
just a few runs down the slopes, the temperature
dropped suddenly, and it began
to snow.
Compound-complex: DC + IC + cc + IC.
Verbs: past perf, simp past, simp past
- The
weather forecasters had been accurate.
Complex: IC +
DC.
Verb: past perf
- Still,
we continued
skiing through the wet snow until our clothes
became soaked and our fingers numb.
Complex: Adv +
IC + DC w/ compound adj
complements.
Verbs: simp past, simp past
- Despite
the poor weather, at the end of the weekend, we
concluded that our trip had been
worthwhile, and we had achieved our goal of skiing as a family.
Compound-complex: prep phr + prep phr + IC + DC + cc + IC.
Verbs: simp past, past perf, past perf
