The following sentences were written by students. You were instructed to analyze them and edit them as necessary.
Here are my revisions. If a sentence is completely correct, NO CHANGE is necessary. If there are any errors, the sentence is revised in red. Each independent (main) clause is marked in bold. Explanations are shown in green.
1. When I visited Hong Kong in last summer, the weather
was so hot that my daughter got sick.
Revision: When I visited Hong
Kong last summer, the weather was so hot that my daughter got sick.
Explanation: When
using an adverb phrase such as "last summer", do not also use a preposition.
Otherwise, you may use a prepositional phrase such as "in summer",
but this does not indicate past, present or future.
2. Although I have been
in the United States for more than ten years, my written and oral English
are still very poor.
NO CHANGE
Explanation: This complex sentence is correct in content,
grammar, vocabulary and mechanics. The first clause is an adverbial DC; the
second clause is the IC.
3. Thanks internet that it can connect
us much closer than ever and give us so many conviences, which
can not be imagined before.
This is a very sticky
sentence. It can be untangled in a couple of ways. "thanks
to" is a prep. phr.
Thanks to the Internet,
which can connect us much closer than ever, we have so many
conveniences which could not have been imagined before. OR
Thanks to the Internet, we can be connected much closer
than ever; it gives us so many conveniences which could not
have been imagined before.
4. It is so warm and moved when you
know your long lost friends are still thinking about you.
It is so warm
and moving when
you know your long lost friends are still thinking about you.
Adj. forms: It is
moving; you are moved.
5. So I eager to open my mail box when
I came into office or back from company for surprise, even though
I know most of time it is empty or nothing.
I am very eager
to open my mail
box for a surprise when I come into the office or back to the
company, even though I know most of the time my mail box is empty.
Use simp. pres.
for habitual actions.
6. Until I began to study ESL970G, I
began to understand English grammar.
I didn't begin
to understand English grammar until I began to study ESL 65. not... until
Not until I began to study ESL970G did I begin
to understand English grammar. This is used for greater emphasis on the negative.
Note the S-V inversions. OR
It was not until I began to study ESL970G that I began to
understand English grammar. 3
clauses, inc. n. cl.
7. After I finished my homework, I went
with my sister and mother to the shoping center. sp.; how to mention several
people:
After I finished
my homework, my sister, my mother and I went to the shopping
center. OR
After I finished my homework, I went to the shopping center
with my sister and mother.
8. Since I have studied English grammar with Marsha
Chan, my grammar doubts have begun to disappear.
NO CHANGE. This
is correct. I started studying... in the past and I'm still studying. During
that time, my grammar doubts have decreased.
9. I met with the Lab manager because
I had to explain to him personally in details what have to be
done.
I met with the
lab manager because
I had to explain to him personally, in detail, what had to be
done. case;
use of commas to offset the additional info.
10. While I was preparing a test board
and set up for high temperature characterization, my coworker
was writing the test program.
While I was preparing
a test board and setting up for high temperature characterization,
my coworker was writing the test program. parallel structure: -ing and -ing
11. The hardest part of making art is
not the skill, which I can improve by practicing, it is the new
idea for each painting.
The hardest part
of making art is not the skill, which I can improve by practice, but the
new idea for each painting. OR
The hardest part of making art is not the skill, which
I can improve by practice; it is the new idea for each painting.
cs
12. A great artist is special because
he has a viewpoint that is different from others.
A great artist
is special because
he or she has a viewpoint that is different from others. The original sentence is grammatically
correct; the revision edits out the male gender bias.
13. I'm taking ESL950PL at mission college
because I want to improve my pronunciation.
I'm taking ESL950PL
at Mission College because
I want to improve my p[ronunciation. case
14. I had an assignment which I had
to interview an American about American eating habits.
I had an assignment
in which I had
to interview an American about American eating habits. prep + rel. pron
15. I bought a magazine which introduces
about Cowboys and Cowboy Girls.
I bought a magazine
which explains
(tells about, describes) cowboys and cowgirls. ww
16. I saw the photoes of Cowboy Girls
who decorated in western costums were pretty. sp; passive aux; what does pretty modify?
I'm not sure of
the writer's exact meaning:
I saw photos
of pretty cowgirls who
were dressed in western costumes. OR
I saw photos of cowgirls who were dressed in pretty western
costumes.
I guess it isn't:
I saw pretty
photos of cowgirls who
were dressed in western costumes.
17. I came from Burma which is a small
country.
I come from Burma,
which is a small
country. (non-restrictive
relative clause: the country has been defined by name) OR
I come from Burma, a small country. (subject rel. pron. + BE may be omitted)
18. I have been in the U.S. for years,
since I immigrated here.
I have been in the U. S. for n years, ever since I immigrated here.
I wonder how many
years!
19. My kids like to watch TGIF which
I don't like that much on every Friday.
Every Friday,
my kids like to watch TGIF, which
I don't like very much.
This clearly places
the preposition in a position to modify when the kids watch the
show, not when you don't like it.
20. I was doing my homework while I
was listening the music.
I was doing my
homework while
(I was) listening to music. same
S + aux may be omitted; listen = vi
21. I had always commuted by bus until
I began working at Sony, then I began to take the train.
I had always
commuted by bus until
I began to work at Sony; then I began to take the train. cs
22. Because I must get up at 3:45 each
morning I usually try to get in bed by 9:00 each evening.
Because I must get
up at 3:45 each morning, I usually try to get in bed by 9:00
each evening. DC
+ comma + IC
23. Living with four cats makes life
interesting, since I never know when one of them might decide
to present me with a token of his or her affection.
Living with four
cats makes life interesting since
I never know when one of them might decide to present me with
a token of his or her affection. DC + comma + IC
24. My friend Terry who has two dogs kept in her house.
My friend Terry has two dogs that she keeps in her house.
It's also possible to write the
following, but the main clause doesn't contain what I think the main idea is.
My friend Terry, who has two dogs, keeps them in her house.
25. If I sold my house, how much I could
.
If selling the house
is a future possible action,
If I sell my house,
how much should I ask for it?
If I sell my house, how much could I get for it?
If selling the
house is an improbable, very uncertain or hypothetical action,
If I sold my house,
how much should I ask for it/ could I get for it?
26. I will be glad when I am finished
my assignment
I will be glad
when I am finished
with my assignment. idiom:
BE finished with OR
I will be glad when I have finished my assignment. regular use of FINISH
27. The sudent sitting next to me asking
a lot of questions that I can't answer.
The student sitting next to me was asking a lot of questions that/which I couldn't answer.
complete past prog.
w/ aux.; past modal
28. It's dangerous to stand under the tree when it is
rainning.
It is dangerous to stand under
a tree when it is raining.
art. Use the indefinite article
for this general truth -- it means any tree, not a definite tree. Sp. Don't
double the final consonant when it is preceded by two vowels.
29. The man, whom Alice met in the meeting,
was my Esl teacher.
If the relative clause is essential,
i.e., necessary, to identify which man the writer means, then it is restrictive:
The man whom Alice met in the meeting was my ESL
teacher. without the rel.
cl, we wouldn't know which man the writer means.
If the man was already described in a previous statement, the relative clause
is not essential; thus it is non-restrictive:
The man, whom Alice met in the meeting, was my ESL
teacher. ESL is an acronym for English as a Second
Language. Capiltalize the acronym.
Go back to the assignment.
Marsha Chan, Mission College, Santa Clara, CA
Go to class at wvmccd.angellearning.com