Chapter 12 Adverb Clauses and Adverb Phrases

Re-read the Writing Assignment instructions. Study the comments and suggestions for error correction. Revise your composition and post as a reply to your original by May 15. Refer to the Correction Symbols.

Writing Assignment

1. Compose an academically written paragraph of 150-175 words using different action verbs in any time frame. Use adverb clauses and adverb phrases to show time, to give reasons, to show concession or contrast, to show place, and to show purpose.
Examine the vocabulary in your writing by copying and pasting your sentences in the Web Vocabulary Profiler at the Compleat Tutor. Strive to include at least 5% words from the Academic Word List (AWL), which are shown in yellow.

2. Post your composition to the Discussion Forum for this chapter. Type a suitable title in the Subject Line of your message; capitalize the content words (N, V, Adj, Adv).

My favorite sport[1]

5/1/2014

Bui, Vu 55

Student 1

My favorite sport

When I was young, I have loved[2] soccer. I often played it with my friends at school[3] where I had many memories. The reason I like to play soccer[4] because it helps[5] my health and keep[6] in touch with my friends. Since[7] 2009, I left Vietnam in order to move to America,[8] I have still been playing this sport even though my life is busy. I often play it at the park every Saturday. Actually, if I have time, I will play much more so that I can get[9] a better health[10]. One of [11]interesting events[12] is we have BBQ[13] at the park after playing soccer game[14].

So now I’m happy with my life in the US.

when i was young i have loved soccer ioften played it with my friends at schoolwhere i had many memories the reason ilike to play soccer because it helps myhealth and keep in touch with my friendssince number i left vietnam in order tomove to america i have still been playingthis sport even though my life is busy ioften play it at the park every saturdayactually if i have time i will play muchmore so that i can get a better health oneof interesting events is we have bbq atthe park after playing soccer game
so now i am happy with my life in the us

Current profile
%	Cumul.
89.83	89.83
5.08	94.91
0.00	94.91
5.08	100.00

117 words with 13 errors. Far too short for 150-175 word limit. 5 adverbial clauses. 1 adverbial phrase. 14.1 words per sentence. 90% K1 vocab. 0% academic vocab. 5.4 grade level. 0 error-free sentences.

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Wang, Yanqiu(Angela) 88

5/1/2014

Student 2

Lookism in Today's Society

I used to think that people who have nice appearance[15] tend to have more opportunities:[16] in dating, employment, and so forth. Having heard someone being fired[17] of[18] being too attractive, I realize that beauty can be disadvantage[19]. Similarly, people are frequently being judged of[20] their appearance, such as too short, fat and[21] ugly. Even though we[22] dislike being judged by lookists, we usually attempt to predict others’ out looking[23] and behaviors. For example, we might have stereotypes about someone who has dirty clothes or ugly face[24]. Of course[25] everyone has different degree[26] of discrimination. It is fine to keep this opinion to ourselves, but when this prejudice became[27] judgement[28], it is not fine[29]. Although one’s appearance should not be judged, to wear appropriate clothing is important. I think that we should not judge peoplebefore[30] we really know her or him[31], and avoiding being[32] lookism is necessary.

i used to think that people who have niceappearance tend to have moreopportunities in dating employment andso forth having heard someone beingfired of being too attractive i realize thatbeauty can be disadvantage similarlypeople are frequently being judged oftheir appearance such as too short fatand ugly even though we dislike beingjudged by lookists we usually attempt topredict others out looking and behaviorsfor example we might have stereotypesabout someone who has dirty clothes orugly face of course everyone hasdifferent degree of discrimination it isfine to keep this opinion to ourselves butwhen this prejudice became judgement itis not fine although one appearanceshould not be judged to wear appropriateclothing is important i think that weshould not judge peoplebefore we reallyknow her or him and avoiding beinglookism is necessary

Current profile
%	Cumul.
85.62	85.62
8.90	94.52
2.74	97.26
2.74	100.00

Very good content, development, and sentence variety. 146 words. 4 adverbial clauses. 1 adv phr. 2 noun clauses. 2 relative adj cl. 16.2 words per sentence. 2.74% AWL. 9.7 grade level. 1 error-free sentence. 18 errors.

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Qin, Zhengzheng 97

5/2/2014

Student 3

Evaluation of the Ground Water Simulation Model

Having reviewed a figure of ground water table elevation simulated by the SR model, I saw both advantages and disadvantages of this model.

This model is easy to use and just need[33] rainfall data measured with regular time steps. When operating the model, some parameters[34] that show the site characteristics[35] will be assigned. The model will automatically show a graph of the simulated ground water table level.

While easy to operate, this model still needs to be improved. Because there would be[36] air trapped into the ground water during the infiltration, the observed well level can rise dramatically and produce sharp peaks on the hydro-graphs. These overshoots are very common and always occur as responses of rapid rainfall events. Although the model seems underestimate[37] the ground water table rise where there is a rapid rainfall event, it matches[38] with the recharge episodes very well and is very sensitive to the water input events.

having reviewed a figure of ground watertable elevation simulated by the sr modeli saw both advantages and disadvantagesof this model
this model is easy to use and just needrainfall data measured with regular timesteps when operating the model someparameters that show the sitecharacteristics will be assigned themodel will automatically show a graph ofthe simulated ground water table level
while easy to operate this model stillneeds to be improved because therewould be air trapped into the groundwater during the infiltration the observedwell level can rise dramatically andproduce sharp peaks on the hydro graphsthese overshoots are very common andalways occur as responses of rapidrainfall events although the model seemsunderestimate the ground water tablerise where there is a rapid rainfall eventit matches with the recharge episodesvery well and is very sensitive to thewater input events

Current profile
%	Cumul.
73.38	73.38
10.39	83.77
7.79	91.56
8.44	100.00

Academic content, cohesive, several sentence types. Very few errors. 153 words. 3 adverbial clauses. 3 adverbial phrases. 19.1 words per sentence. 7.8% AWL. 11.7 grade level. 4 error-free sentences.

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Le, Huy 93

5/2/2014

Student 4

My goal

When I first arrive[39] in America, everything was so strange for me. I didn’t know the language, and I couldn’t assimilate into the culture. As time passes by[40], things have been better for me. I begin to approach different areas that I have avoided before. I start[41] to initiate conversation[42] with people who[43] I don’t know. At school, while I’m still struggling to pass ESL classes, I manage to find time to allocate[44] available resources which can help me in my studying. Because English is not my first language, I have to study harder than others. I am aware of all of the challenges I have to face, but I won’t change my attitude under any circumstances. My goal is to finish college and become the first police officer in my family. Although it is really difficult to get into the police academy, it[45] is a good job with great compensation and benefits. Not only I could[46] help the community, but I could also financially assist my family. Since there is not so much of[47] discrimination[48] in America, I would be able to make my dream come true.

when i first arrive in america everythingwas so strange for me i did not know thelanguage and i could not assimilate intothe culture as time passes by things havebeen better for me i begin to approachdifferent areas that i have avoided beforei start to initiate conversation withpeople who i do not know at school whilei am still struggling to pass esl classes imanage to find time to allocate availableresources which can help me in mystudying because english is not my firstlanguage i have to study harder thanothers i am aware of all of the challengesi have to face but i will not change myattitude under any circumstances mygoal is to finish college and become thefirst police officer in my family althoughit is really difficult to get into the policeacademy it is a good job with greatcompensation and benefits not only icould help the community but i couldalso financially assist my family sincethere is not so much of discrimination inamerica i would be able to make mydream come true

Current profile
%	Cumul.
84.97	84.97
2.59	87.56
10.36	97.92
2.07	100.00

Very good content, cohesive, well-developed, using a variety of sentence types. 188 words. Exceeds 150-175 word limit. 6 adverbial clauses. 0 adv phrases. 3 rel adj cl. 15.7 words per sentence. 10.36% AWL. 8.2 grade level. 6 error-free sentences. Let me know when you achieve your goal of becoming a police officer!

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Kwon, Igsoo 60

5/2/2014

Student 5

Does It[49] Need Moral Guidelines When He[50] Debates on the Internet?

Most of[51] the[52] people use the internet for news, gathering information,and online shopping[53].[54] Also, he[55] can debate about serious and light[56] issues even though he hasn’t[57] any knowledge about it and he isn’t an adult. It is very important for us[58] to take[59] freely because one[60] may not like to be controlled by forced power[61]. Moreover, it[62] creates increased numbers of debaters who don’t want to open[63] to the public with his[64] information. By the time he[65] joins a debate, he hopes to discuss[66] about some topic without pressure and heavy responsibility[67]. But[68],[69] he gives a lot of good idea and informations[70] when want[71] to attend a debate. Because,[72] he dislikes to respond[73] about his idea online, he thinks that it[74] doesn’t need to regulate the internet.

Do you agree that the regulation has a negative effect to debate online while it’s controlled by the government? Yes, I agree that. It must be minimized government interference but it need to moral guidelines online. He who is a troublemaker generates so many rumors and insult to others when he debates or discussions without the guidelines. In addition, some of them attacks someone who isn’t guilty and they go to jail due to the fact that he lie . So we try to keep good moral when use of the internet.

most of the people use the internet fornews gathering information and onlineshopping also he can debate aboutserious and light issues even though hehas not any knowledge about it and he isnot an adult it is very important for us totake freely because one may not like tobe controlled by forced power moreoverit creates increased numbers of debaterswho do not want to open to the publicwith his information by the time he joinsa debate he hopes to discuss about sometopic without pressure and heavyresponsibility but he gives a lot of goodidea and informations when want toattend a debate because he dislikes torespond about his idea online he thinksthat it does not need to regulate theinternet
do you agree that the regulation has anegative effect to debate online while itis controlled by the government yes iagree that it must be minimizedgovernment interference but it need tomoral guidelines online he who is atroublemaker generates so many rumorsand insult to others when he debates ordiscussions without the guidelines inaddition some of them attacks someonewho is not guilty and they go to jail dueto the fact that he lie so we try to keepgood moral when use of the internet

219 words. Far exceeds 150-175 word limit. 16.8 words per sentence. Xx% AWL. 9.0 grade level. 0 error-free sentences. Very awkwardly worded sentences cause unintelligibility. Frankly, I don't understand the meaning of many of the sentences. Perhaps you are translating word for word from your native language? I marked errors in the first paragraph, but not the second. The more you write, the more errors appear. I recommend that you seriously increase your reading of English and that you study word usage, sentence structure and mechanics.

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MacHicado, Angelica 60

5/2/2014

Student 6

good[75] time[76][77]

When I was nineteen years ago[78][79] I enjoyed[80] a team for[81] played volley ball[82] at Loyola[83] university[84] in my country[85]. We had[86] games every weekend, and [87]practiced twice a week[88] which made me been[89] very busy, and[90] it was to[91] hard for me to studied[92] and play because it was my first year at the university, but as I had half of scholarship[93] for play [94]I had better participated[95] for the gamy[96] and attendant[97] the practices. Even though,[98] it was hard to do those things “play and study”[99] I got a good grades[100] in[101] the university, and also I learned a lot trick[102] when I practiced. I had a good time every time that I was played[103], I after 2 years having studied and played[104] I left to play[105] because I didn't have enough time for doing[106] my homework and I started to do internship[107], so at that point I had chose[108] between continued[109] to play or study[110], for me [111]was a hard decision that I made [112]I love to play, and I had a wonderful time, but also my career was important too. My career win in my decision[113] at that time, but I am still playing no like I used to play[114].

when i was nineteen years ago i enjoyeda team for played volley ball at loyolauniversity in my country we had gamesevery weekend and practiced twice aweek which made me been very busy andit was to hard for me to studied and playbecause it was my first year at theuniversity but as i had half of scholarshipfor play i had better participated for thegamy and attendant the practices eventhough it was hard to do those thingsplay and study i got a good grades in theuniversity and also i learned a lot trickwhen i practiced i had a good time everytime that i was played i after numberyears having studied and played i left toplay because i did not have enough timefor doing my homework and i started todo internship so at that point i had chosebetween continued to play or study forme was a hard decision that i made i loveto play and i had a wonderful time butalso my career was important too mycareer win in my decision at that time buti am still playing no like i used to play

urrent profile
%	Cumul.
91.22	91.22
2.44	93.66
1.46	95.12
4.88	100.00

Some good ideas, some unnecessary details. 204 words. Far exceeds 150-175 word limit. Excessive number of errors, including some serious sentence boundary errors. 0 error-free sentences. The more you write, the more errors emerge. Review my lectures on sentence structures as well as the chapters on individual grammar topics. 1.46% AWL.

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Nguyen, Dung 55

5/4/2014

Student 7

NEW LIFE[115]

When i[116] was 19 years olds[117], my family moved to the United States. I[118] was a hard time for me because i need[119] to improve[120] new life[121] in[122] here. For learing[123] new language[124], i had to try in many way[125] to improve it[126] and also, i[127] had lots of failure[128]. It couldn't make me give up anythings[129]. About finding jobs[130], I went anywhere where they[131] are hiring[132] and did many fail[133] interview. I knew the[134] life in [135]USA is not easy[136] that's why i[137] need to try as best[138] as i[139] can. So[140], i have good life[141] like[142] now.

when i was number years olds my familymoved to the united states i was a hardtime for me because i need to improvenew life in here for learing new languagei had to try in many way to improve it andalso i had lots of failure it could not makeme give up anythings about finding jobs iwent anywhere where they are hiring anddid many fail interview i knew the life inusa is not easy that is why i need to tryas best as i can so i have good life likenow