Marsha Chanıs ESL 970G Advanced Grammar and Editing Spring 2005 Syllabus Blackboard

 

Week 6 Writing Assignment: Paragraph in the general truth time frame

Due date: 11PM Thu Mar 10

Post a paragraph of error-free sentences (150-175 words) using different action verbs in the general truth time frame. Refer to AEG Chapter 3 and the academic vocabulary from Ch 1 online. Use third person subjects. Use at least one of each sentence type, in any order: simple, compound, complex, and compound-complex. Pay attention to SVA and SPA. For topic suggestions, see the syllabus.

 

Overall Evaluation Notes

A successfully written paragraph describes a basic scientific principle, a situation, a person, an object, or a place in a unified, coherent, logical and comprehensible way. It starts with a clear topic sentence with a controlling idea, continues with some descriptive details, and ends with a concluding statement. The paragraph contains a variety of sentence types (simple, compound, complex, compound-complex). The sentences are error-free or contain minor errors. The writer uses a variety of well-selected verbs to describe or explain actions or conditions that are factual or that are generally or habitually true. Third person singular subjects are used, and they agree with their verbs. The paragraph is written in an academic and/or professional tone. It meets the word length criterion of 150 to 175 words. Through proper word choice and sentence structure, the paragraph enables the reader to visualize the actions, facts, and/or conditions in the general truth time frame easily and vividly.

 

Less successful paragraphs may have errors of the following types, alone or in combination:

The purpose of the paragraph is unclear or incorrect.

The paragraph tells the reader what to do, what happened, or what will or may happen instead of describing a principle or fact, a person, place or object.

Ideas are expressed unclearly or illogically.

Ideas are expressed unclearly, ambiguously or illogically.

The paragraph reads like a conversation, an advertisement, an email message, or a personal journal entry instead of an academic piece of writing.

The paragraph contains short simple sentences with elementary vocabulary.

The sentences lack variety and sophistication in type and word choice.

The sentences overuse simple common verbs such as BE (is, are), HAVE, and DO.

The writer did not edit the sentences for the most serious errors (fragments, verbs, agreement, run-ons or comma splices).

The writer did not edit the sentences for the intermediate errors (parallelism, word order, word choice, word form, articles).

The paragraph contains many mechanical errors (punctuation, capitalization, and spelling)

 

Click here to view the Correction Symbols.

 

Each paragraph was analyzed with WebVP to reveal the scope and type of vocabulary used in the paragraph. Words from the Academic Word List (AWL) are yellow. K2 words (the second thousand words of English) are green. K1 words (the most basic 1,000 words of English) are blue. Other words are red. The first 2000+ words of English are found on the General Service list (GSL).

 

AEG Chapter 3 Verbs in the General Truth Time Frame

Forum: AEG Chapter 3 Verbs in the General Truth Time Frame         

Date: 03-11-2005 00:00

Author: Thai, Thanh Van <vthai@digitalimpact.com>

Subject Resignation - 166 words[1]

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                                                                        Resignation

 

            Have you ever resigned without having a new job due to a disagreement with your manager?[2]  Jackie has had one[3] because she disagrees with Lily, her bossıs management, and her characters. First, she is a very hand on person, she asked Jackie to send a confirmation as she has read her bossıs email. She kept forwarding email notifications to Jackieıs inbox email although they have been sent to one commune inbox where Jackie is responsible to read, and resolve issue. As a result, Jackie sent an email to express her annoyance, so Lily stopped forwarding her emails. She requires an approval to use an application ³E1² while Jackie insists to use it whenever  ³I9² has a limitation. On the other hand, she is very picky when she asked if Jackie went to a mandatory meeting of the company. Human Resources is a right department whom we express our concerns and ask for a transfer before we decide a final decision that might effect our lives

 

 

            Families           Types  Tokens Percent

  First 500:       ...         ...         (115)   (69.70%)

K1 Words (1 to 1000): 59        72        124      75.15%

  Function:       ...         ...         (83)     (50.30%)

  Content:         ...         ...         (41)     (24.85%)

K2 Words (1001 to 2000):      5          6          6          3.64%

AWL Words (academic):        8          8          8          4.85%

Off-List Words:           ?          14        27        16.36%

            72+?    100      165      100%

Words in text (tokens):           165

Different words (types):         100

Type-token ratio:         0.61

(Tokens per type:        1.65)

Function-content ratio:            0.50

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Onlist Tokens: 138

Onlist Types:   86

Onlist Type-Token:      0.62

Onlist Families: 72

Onlist Family/token:     0.52

Onlist Family/type:       0.84

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Output text: Have you ever resigned without having a new job due to a disagreement with your manager Jackie has had one because she disagrees with Lily her boss management and her characters First she is a very hand on person she asked Jackie to send a confirmation as she has read her boss email She kept forwarding email notifications to Jackie inbox email although they have been sent to one commune inbox where Jackie is responsible to read and resolve issue As a result Jackie sent an email to express her annoyance so Lily stopped forwarding her emails She requires an approval to use an application Enumber while Jackie insists to use it whenever Inumber has a limitation On the other hand she is very picky when she asked if Jackie went to a mandatory meeting of the company Human Resources is a right department whom we express our concerns and ask for a transfer before we decide a final decision that might effect our lives

 

Ssss,

 

The paragraph contains simple, compound, and complex sentences. It uses 8 academic words, 4.65%. Itıs evident that you have some strong feelings about this topic. Some ideas are clear, but others are tangled. The topic is about a situation and actions in the recent past, not in the general truth present. Recall that the general truth present time frame is the one in which to describe or explain actions or conditions that are factual or that are generally or habitually true (not ones that have just happened or happened over a period of time). Also, the perspective (voice) should stay in the third person singular; donıt switch to ³we/our². Please revise the paragraph with these points in mind.

 

MC

35

 

Forum: AEG Chapter 3 Verbs in the General Truth Time Frame      

Date: 03-18-2005 07:24

Author: Thai, Thanh Van <vthai@digitalimpact.com>

Subject Re: Resignation - 166 words

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                                                Saint Patrickıs [4]party in[5] my office[6].

 

            Every fourth Thursday of  a month[7], my company organizes a nice beer bash, but in March, it happens[8] earlier since Saint Patrickıs day[9] is on seventeen[10]. Today, in the kitchen, all decoration[11] like balloon, garland[12], cookies, [13]even chocolates have green color[14], but pizza[15].  This year, a traditional icon shamrock[16] is made[17] on a white silk paper[18] where hides[19] a number for a lottery[20] that will be announced[21] in [22]the end of party. Have you[23] ever asked why shamrock [24]has three-leafed[25] ? It is because Saint Patrick used it in his sermons to represent how the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit could all exist as separate elements of the same entity[26]. That philosophy is similar than[27] Asian people[28] believe when they usually[29] plant[30] three palm trees, or create[31] three small trees for bonsai[32] where[33] three elements[34] represent God, Earth and Human[35]; or Father, Mother, and Child, who form a[36] same entity.  How is a connection between East and West and a magic of number three.[37]

 

Ssss,

 

Youıre lucky to have monthly parties at your workplace! This paragraph has some sentences that refer to the general truth time frame (the first sentence and the next-to-last sentence), which is an improvement over the first attempt. There is an attempt to include simple, compound and complex sentences. However, many sentences are about completed past actions. Future time is also used, although I am not sure those are really future events. Arenıt they now past actions? Avoid asking the reader (Have you everŠ). Instead use third person singular verbs as directed. Each sentence has several errors (major: verbs, word choice, word order, clause/sentence boundaries; minor: articles, prepositions, spelling). There is no error-free sentence. 6 different academic words, 4.82%.   Iıll let you revise this one again.

 

MC

68

 

Forum: AEG Chapter 3 Verbs in the General Truth Time Frame         

Date: 03-11-2005 01:03

Author: Wong, Shunhim (Shamson) <tiny_potato@yahoo.com>

Subject My paragraph (175 words): "Life"[38]

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Currently I am reading a book "The five people you meet in heaven[39]" by Mitch Alborn. This triggers[40] me to think about life again. What is the meaning of life? What is the purpose of life? These have been asked by many people in many centuries. People study life. People research[41] in different religions. People investigate[42] in various cultures in the world. People always discuss[43] about this topic. No concrete answer has been found. No universal answer can be applied to everyone. Life is a mystery; life is a journey; life is a dream; life is a challenge. It is an intangible concept yet a touchable being ­ a tree, a flower, a bird, a dog. It is abstract but is also physical ­ we encounter lives in our daily routines. In order to find out your own purpose of life, you have to experience life every day. Donıt sit and think about it. Put yourself in action. To your surprise, one day, you will find out your own answer to life at your most unexpected moment.

175 words

 

Families           Types  Tokens Percent

  First 500:       ...         ...         (138)   (77.53%)

K1 Words (1 to 1000): 69        83        156      87.64%

  Function:       ...         ...         (90)     (50.56%)

  Content:         ...         ...         (66)     (37.08%)

K2 Words (1001 to 2000):      5          5          5          2.81%

AWL Words (academic):        10        10        10        5.62%

Off-List Words:           ?          7          7          3.93%

            84+?    105      178      100%

Words in text (tokens):           178

Different words (types):         105

Type-token ratio:         0.59

(Tokens per type:        1.70)

Function-content ratio:            0.51

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Onlist Tokens: 171

Onlist Types:   98

Onlist Type-Token:      0.57

Onlist Families: 84

Onlist Family/token:     0.49

Onlist Family/type:       0.86

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Output text: Currently I am reading a book The five people you meet in heaven by Mitch Alborn This triggers me to think about life again What is the meaning of life What is the purpose of life These have been asked by many people in many centuries People study life People research in different religions People investigate in various cultures in the world People always discuss about this topic No concrete answer has been found No universal answer can be applied to everyone Life is a mystery life is a journey life is a dream life is a challenge It is an intangible concept yet a touchable being a tree a flower a bird a dog It is abstract but is also physical we encounter lives in our daily routines In order to find out your own purpose of life you have to experience life every day Do not sit and think about it Put yourself in action To your surprise one day you will find out your own answer to life at your most unexpected moment number words

 

Ssss,

 

It is clear that you are strongly attracted to the philosophical questions that this book raises. The paragraph is unified, coherent, and logical. It uses simple, compound, and complex sentences accurately. The vocabulary contains 10 academic words, 5.62%. It uses many verb forms in the general truth present correctly: simple present, present perfect, present progressive. It does not use third person subjects as required; it uses third person plural, first person singular and plural, and second person subjects. It ends by using imperatives telling the reader what to do. Several verbs are misused as intransitive instead of transitive verbs, which take direct objects. Review  Transitive vs. Intransitive Verbs and Basic Sentence Patterns. Post a revision as a reply to the message on the DB.

 

MC

90

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Forum: AEG Chapter 3 Verbs in the General Truth Time Frame         

Date: 03-11-2005 13:37

Author: AULAKH, GURINDER <student@.com>

Subject Accidents at Work

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In case a worker gets hurt at work, he or she stops work and comes out of the work area. Next, a verbal report is made to the supervisor. The supervisor, in turn, alerts the available members of the emergency respone team. They provide first aid (a training they have taken) to stabilize that worker's condition; every second counts in medical emergencies; medical aid delayed is help denied. If they decide that professional medical opinion and care are needed, the injured employee goes to a designated facility. They do not necessarily accompany that employee. Although he or she can go alone, in practice their tendency is either to go with the employee or send him or her in a commercial vehicle.

 

Forum: AEG Chapter 3 Verbs in the General Truth Time Frame         

Date: 03-13-2005 22:19

Author: Chan, Marsha <marsha_chan@wvmccd.cc.ca.us>

Subject Re: Accidents at Work

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Ssss,

 

Add a few more details to bring your word count within the range of 150-175 words. Please do so by 11PM Mar 14.

MC

 

Forum: AEG Chapter 3 Verbs in the General Truth Time Frame      

Date: 03-14-2005 14:36

Author: Aulakh, Gurinder <student@.com>

Subject Re: Accidents at Work

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All places of work experience accidents. Often, such incidents are quite harmless, in which no one is hurt, but occasionally workers get seriously injured. In either case, this is the sequence of events after an accident. The employee stops work and comes out of the work area. Next, a verbal[44] report is made to the supervisor. The supervisor, in turn, alerts the available members of the emergency response team. They provide first aid (a training[45] they have taken) to stabilize that worker's condition;[46] every second counts in medical emergencies; medical aid delayed is help denied. If they decide that professional medical opinion and care are needed, the injured employee goes to a designated facility. They[47] do not necessarily accompany that employee. Although he or she can go alone, in practice their tendency is[48] either to go with the employee or send him or her in a commercial vehicle. Thus[49] every post-accident activity is geared toward making sure that an injured employee's welfare is given paramount importance.

166

Families Types    Tokens  Percent

  First 500:         ...         ...         (109)     (65.27%)

K1 Words (1 to 1000):        70         80         128       76.65%

  Function:         ...         ...         (71)       (42.51%)

  Content:          ...         ...         (57)       (34.13%)

K2 Words (1001 to 2000): 7          8          9          5.39%

AWL Words (academic):    16         16         21         12.57%

Off-List Words:         ?          8          9          5.39%

            93+?     112       167       100%

Words in text (tokens):    167

Different words (types):    112

Type-token ratio: 0.67

(Tokens per type:            1.49)

Function-content ratio:     0.43

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Onlist Tokens:    158

Onlist Types:      104

Onlist Type-Token:          0.66

Onlist Families:   93

Onlist Family/token:         0.59

Onlist Family/type:          0.89

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Output text: All places of work experience accidents Often such incidents are quite harmless in which no one is hurt but occasionally workers get seriously injured In either case this is the sequence of events after an accident The employee stops work and comes out of the work area Next a verbal report is made to the supervisor The supervisor in turn alerts the available members of the emergency response team They provide first aid a training they have taken to stabilize that worker condition every second counts in medical emergencies medical aid delayed is help denied If they decide that professional medical opinion and care are needed the injured employee goes to a designated facility They do not necessarily accompany that employee Although he or she can go alone in practice their tendency is either to go with the employee or send him or her in a commercial vehicle Thus every post accident activity is geared toward making sure that an injured employee welfare is given paramount importance

------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Ssss,

 

This paragraph is excellent. The additional introductory sentences frame the context of accident response very well. The information is coherent, unified and easily comprehensible. The paragraph contains a variety of sentence types (simple, compound, complex, compound-complex). The sentences are virtually error-free; minor errors do not mar comprehensibility. The paragraph uses a variety of well-selected verbs to describe the actions whenever an accident occurs at the workplace. There are 12 academic words, 12.57%. The title could be revised to clearly identify the focus of the paragraph, perhaps Accident Response/Responding to Accidents at Work

 

MC

100

 

Forum: AEG Chapter 3 Verbs in the General Truth Time Frame      

Date: 03-18-2005 16:48

Author: Aulakh, Gurinder <gurinder@supertex.com>

Subject Re: Accident Response

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All places of work experience accidents. Often, such incidents are quite harmless, in which no one is hurt, but occasionally workers get seriously injured. In either case, this is the sequence of events after an accident. The employee stops work and comes out of the work area. Next, an oral report is made to the supervisor. The supervisor, in turn, alerts the available members of the response team. To stabilize that worker's condition, they provide first aid using methods they have learned in training. In fact, every second counts in medical emergencies; medical aid delayed is help denied. If the response team members decide that professional medical opinion and care are needed, the injured employee goes to a designated facility. The response team members do not necessarily accompany that employee. Although he or she can go alone, in practice they often go with the employee or send him or her in a commercial vehicle. In summary, every post-accident activity is geared toward making sure that an injured employee's welfare is given paramount importance.

 

Superb!!

 

MC

 

Forum: AEG Chapter 3 Verbs in the General Truth Time Frame         

Date: 03-14-2005 15:14

Author: Nakamura, Kaoru <kaoru@itochu.net>

Subject Entertainment features of cellular phone[50][51]

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Everyone has a cellular phone in Japan.  However[52], there are several important features for him or her to choose a cellular phone: designs, colors, size of displays and of course[53] cost.  Probably, entertainment features are the best features to choose a cellular phone[54] for a businessman who commute[55] a long way to their[56] office.  If you have a chance to take a subway in Tokyo, you can watch the people who are enjoying a cellular phone in many ways.[57]  Some are typing e-mail; some are listening to the[58] music; some are watching a video clip; some are playing a 3D game such as Play Station[59].  All features are bundled with one cellular phone. These features have been added in three years[60] by several manufactures.  In Japan, commute[61] takes a long time; it is common to take one or one and half hours to get to the office by the subway.  Everybody needs to fill the boring hours by[62] a ³handy² way in[63] the subway.  

164

 

            Families           Types  Tokens Percent

  First 500:       ...         ...         (114)   (69.09%)

K1 Words (1 to 1000): 65        73        131      79.39%

  Function:       ...         ...         (78)     (47.27%)

  Content:         ...         ...         (52)     (31.52%)

K2 Words (1001 to 2000):      5          5          9          5.45%

AWL Words (academic):        3          3          7          4.24%

Off-List Words:           ?          10        18        10.91%

            73+?    91        165      100%

Words in text (tokens):           165

Different words (types):         91

Type-token ratio:         0.55

(Tokens per type:        1.81)

Function-content ratio:            0.47

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Onlist Tokens: 147

Onlist Types:   81

Onlist Type-Token:      0.55

Onlist Families: 73

Onlist Family/token:     0.50

Onlist Family/type:       0.90

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Output text: Everyone has a cellular phone in Japan However there are several important features for him or her to choose a cellular phone designs colors size of displays and of course cost Probably entertainment features are the best features to choose a cellular phone for a businessman who commute a long way to their office If you have a chance to take a subway in Tokyo you can watch the people who are enjoying a cellular phone in many ways Some are typing e mail some are listening to the music some are watching a video clip some are playing a numberD game such as Play Station All features are bundled with one cellular phone These features have been added in three years by several manufactures In Japan commute takes a long time it is common to take one or one and half hours to get to the office by the subway Everybody needs to fill the boring hours by a handy way in the subway

 

Ssss,

 

This is a coherent, unified paragraph about the entertainment features of cell phones. It gives many descriptive details about these features and how they are used by commuters in Japan. The paragraph contains simple, compound, and complex sentences with good overall structure. It (re)uses three academic words (7 times total, 4.24%). Most sentences use third person singular; the one in the middle can be revised to do so as well. Instead of weak nonaction verbs (have, be) rewrite the sentences using action verbs. For example, instead of there are in sentence 2, try this: When purchasing a cellular phone, a person considers severalŠ Action verbs will make the paragraph stronger.

 

Marsha Chan

90

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Forum: AEG Chapter 3 Verbs in the General Truth Time Frame

Date: 03-14-2005 19:55

Author: Teferi, Tigray <mesert28@yahoo.com>

Subject my mornig[64] coffee[65]

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Every day is different for me.  In that[66] I do not take any thing[67] for granted[68] but every morning  is the same in one habitual fact[69] I drink a cup of coffee.  There is no distinction between sleep[70] and wake[71] state for me before I drink my morning coffee one cup a day, but every day[72].  My cup of coffee is my first plan for every tomorrow and my first action for every day.  After drinking my first cup, I  can start my day.  Every person is different every day.[73]  If he is happy, I can lough [74]with him; if he is sad, iI[75] can sympathise;  if some one[76] is hurting, I can care; but my morning  coffee is always the same[77].  With out it every thing else  will be same.  I cant[78] distingish[79] between sleep and wake[80], between happy and sad, between love and hate.  Simply i[81] am neither sleeping nor awake with out a cup of morning coffee. [82] I am planning to quit drinking coffee[83], but I will need to quit every thing[84] else with it for some time; friends, family, work etc.[85]  I am looking for ward to that day with a cup of coffee in my hand.[86]

201 words

 

 

            Families           Types  Tokens Percent

  First 500:       ...         ...         (152)   (75.62%)

K1 Words (1 to 1000): 59        67        168      83.58%

  Function:       ...         ...         (106)   (52.74%)

  Content:         ...         ...         (62)     (30.85%)

K2 Words (1001 to 2000):      9          9          22        10.95%

AWL Words (academic):        2          2          2          1.00%

Off-List Words:           ?          8          9          4.48%

            70+?    86        201      100%

Words in text (tokens):           201

Different words (types):         86

Type-token ratio:         0.43

(Tokens per type:        2.34)

Function-content ratio:            0.53

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Onlist Tokens: 192

Onlist Types:   78

Onlist Type-Token:      0.41

Onlist Families: 70

Onlist Family/token:     0.36

Onlist Family/type:       0.90

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Output text: Every day is different for me In that I do not take any thing for granted but every morning is the same in one habitual fact I drink a cup of coffee There is no distinction between sleep and wake state for me before I drink my morning coffee one cup a day but every day My cup of coffee is my first plan for every tomorrow and my first action for every day After drinking my first cup I can start my day Every person is different every day If he is happy I can lough with him if he is sad iI can sympathise if some one is hurting I can care but my morning coffee is always the same With out it every thing else will be same I cant distingish between sleep and wake between happy and sad between love and hate Simply i am neither sleeping nor awake with out a cup of morning coffee I am planning to quit drinking coffee but I will need to quit every thing else with it for some time friends family work etc I am looking for ward to that day with a cup of coffee in my hand

 

Below you can see how many times you repeated each word

Token List

 

0-1000 [ families 59 : types 67 : tokens 168 ] a a a a action after always am am am and and and and and any be before between between between between but but but but can can can can care day day day day day day day different different do drink drink drinking drinking else else every every every every every every every every every fact family first first first for for for for for for for friends hand happy happy he he him i i i i i i i i i i i if if if in in in is is is is is is is is is it it looking love me me morning morning morning morning my my my my my my my my need neither no nor not of of of of one one one out out person plan planning same same same simply sleep sleep sleeping some some start state take that that the the there thing thing thing time to to to will will with with with with with work

 

First 500 functors: a a a a after always am am am and and and and and any be before between between between between but but but but can can can can do else else for for for for for for for he he him i i i i i i i i i i i if if if in in in is is is is is is is is is it it me me my my my my my my my my no nor not of of of of out out some some that that the the there to to to will will with with with with with

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First 500 content: action day day day day day day day different different every every every every every every every every every fact family friends hand looking morning morning morning morning need one one one person plan planning same same same start state take thing thing thing time work

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Second 500 content: care drink drink drinking drinking first first first happy happy love neither simply sleep sleep sleeping

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1001-2000 [9:9:22] awake coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee cup cup cup cup cup cup habitual hate hurting sad sad tomorrow wake wake

 

Ssss,

 

The topic about your morning coffee is an appropriate one, for you are intimately familiar with it, and it is clearly a daily routine in the general truth time frame. There is an attempt to use simple, compound, and complex sentences. The vocabulary is rather simple; only two academic words are used, 1% and a form of BE is used ten times. There is an excessive amount of repetition of words and ideas as well as spelling errors... The last few sentences do not support the notion that coffee is like your familiar friend. When you revise the paragraph, omit the repetitive elements, cut the words to 150 maximum, use third person singular subjects and verbs, stronger vocabulary ­ particularly action verbs and descriptive adjectives, unify the paragraph with sentences that support a topic sentence, and correct the grammatical errors.

 

MC

72

 

Forum: AEG Chapter 3 Verbs in the General Truth Time Frame         

Date: 03-18-2005 20:13

Author: Vu, Duy <duy_vu2001@yahoo.com>

Subject Society

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            Today society is obsessed with commercialism. First, people are not only thinking about making money but also considering[87] about buying more and more possessions. Second, college students choose their majors by deciding which careers will make them the most money; however, they donıt think carefully bout[88] which majors are really appreciated[89] for them to work on[90]. Finally, young people today are not learning enough about the non financial rewards in life, and they are not learning about the joy and fulfillment of helping others. Today the education[91] is a very serious problem and need[92] to solve[93] quickly. Supporting the[94] proposal for a mandatory community service program in school is very important and has many benefits, so that young people have opportunity[95] to learn the value of giving to others.

 

         Families        Types Tokens          Percent

  First 500:     ...         ...         (100)  (76.92%)

K1 Words (1 to 1000):        64       71       111     85.38%

  Function:     ...         ...         (57)     (43.85%)

  Content:       ...         ...         (54)     (41.54%)

K2 Words (1001 to 2000): 5          5          5          3.85%

AWL Words (academic):    6          6          6          4.62%

Off-List Words:         ?          7          8          6.15%

            75+?   89       130     100%

Words in text (tokens):        130

Different words (types):      89

Type-token ratio:      0.68

(Tokens per type:     1.46)

Function-content ratio:        0.44

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Onlist Tokens:          122

Onlist Types: 82

Onlist Type-Token:  0.67

Onlist Families:       75

Onlist Family/token: 0.61

Onlist Family/type:   0.91

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Output text: Today society is obsessed with commercialism First people are not only thinking about making money but also considering about buying more and more possessions Second college students choose their majors by deciding which careers will make them the most money however they do not think carefully bout which majors are really appreciated for them to work on Finally young people today are not learning enough about the non financial rewards in life and they are not learning about the joy and fulfillment of helping others Today the education is a very serious problem and need to solve quickly Supporting the proposal for a mandatory community service program in school is very important and has many benefits so that young people have opportunity to learn the value of giving to others

 

Ssss,

 

This paragraph uses simple, compound, and complex sentences about one topic. It contains some supporting details. It contains 6 academic words, 4.62%. The use of first, second, finally is not suitable because there is no time sequence. (Compare: First, Mary types in the web address for the class at BlackBoard. Second, she enters her username. Third, she enters her password.) It does not contain reasons or purposes. (Compare: The first reasonŠ, The second reasonŠ) It is most important to note that the ideas in this paragraph are not in the general truth time frame; they are in the present time frame (people are thinking, young people are not learning). In the general truth time frame, a writer describes or explains actions or conditions that are factual or that are generally or habitually true. Review Chapters 3 and 4 to examine the differences in these two time frames. Then rewrite the paragraph to describe a basic scientific principle, a situation, a person, an object, or a place in the general truth time frame. Put the new title in the subject line.

 

MC

8 days late.

60-8=52

 



[1] Put only the title in the Subject line. Put the word count at the end of the paragraph

[2] In order to disambiguate a new job due to a disagreement, try this wording: Have you ever resigned from your job due to a disagreement with your manager despite the fact that you had no new job? 

[3] In the main clause of the first sentence, Have you ever resigned without having a new job, the referent for one in the second sentence is job. However

[4] + Day

[5] ww: at

[6] Capitalize the main words of titles. (n, v, adj, adv.) Do not put a period.

[7] On the fourth Thursday of each (or every) month

[8] is held

[9] cap

[10] ordinal number: the seventeenth

[11] ww: this word should be pl cn, but it is not the most appropriate word because cookies are not decorations. After the preposition like, each of the items listed must be a subset of the previous noun.

[12] pl cn

[13] + cc

[14] ww: are green or are dyed/colored green

[15] wo: color, but pizza does not make sense. Try all of the( decorations and) food, except pizza,

[16] wo: an illustration/ a cutout of a traditional shamrock

[17] tns: past. This is clearly a completed past action, not a habitual action in the general truth time frame.

[18] wf: paper = ncn. a piece/sheet of Š paper

[19] voice: passive.

[20] wo: S + V, not V + S

[21] time frame. The future is correct for this idea, but this idea is not suitable for the general truth time frame.

[22] ww: at

[23] The directions were to use third person singular, not second person, asking the reader.

[24] art + sg cn

[25] wf: number + noun: three leaves. has = VT, leaves = DO.

[26] time frame. The past is correct for this idea, but this idea does not fit the general truth time frame.

[27] ww: similar to

[28]  ww: It cannot be similar to people believe; it is similar to Špeopleıs beliefs thatŠ

[29] omit

[30] wf: beliefs that they should plantŠ

[31] ww: join? assemble?

[32] a/an + sg cn

[33] ww: because

[34] the + Š elements

[35] pl cn

[36] ww: the same

[37] This sentence starts like a question with How, but it has no main verb and ends with a period. What is its meaning?

[38] Put only the title in the Subject line. Put the word count at the end of the paragraph.

[39] Capitalize the main words of titles. (n, v, adj, adv.)

[40] tns. Itıs better to use pres. perf. has triggered.

[41] vt + DO (no prep)

[42] vt + DO

[43] vt + DO

[44] Oral is a more accurate word. Verbal: expressed in or using words or language, esp, as opposed to pictures or physical actions. Verbal includes oral and written words. Even many native speakers make the mistake of using verbal when they mean oral.

[45] This sentence is very good, but could be improved slightly. Training may be used in companies as a count noun (a training = a training session/workshop), but actually this word is a noncount noun: the process of teaching/learning a skill. To emphasize the purpose, move it to the beginning: To stabilizeŠcondition, they provide first aid using methods they have learned in training.

[46] End the first clause with a period. The other two are closely related; thus, using a semi-colon is suitable. Consider adding a transitional phrase such as in fact to emphasize the negative result of delay. Rarely do we use two semi-colons to join three ICs.

[47] Because they does not have a direct referent (the only plural noun preceding it is emergencies), express the subject as a n/nphr:  The response team members

[48] their common practice is/ they often go

[49] Use a comma after a transition. In summary might be a better phrase. Thus introduces a result; the final sentence does not express a result.

[50] Pl cn

[51] Capitalize all important words in a title.

[52] Is there any reason to use However? This transition is used to introduce a contrast/opposite. I donıt see a contrasting idea after it.

[53] Put commas around this phrase.

[54] the best features to consider/look at/examine when choosing. See my note about rewriting with strong verbs.

[55] sva

[56] spa

[57] This sentence is conversational. Can you rewrite it keeping third person singular?

[58] omit

[59] PlayStation is not a game (it is a product platform on which users can play games), so either omit the such as PS phrase, or use PlayStation as an adjective to modify game.

[60] Šthe last three years

[61] wf: ger

[62] ww: in aŠ way

[63] while riding

[64] sp

[65] Capitalize the main words of the title. (I have told you this twice before.)

[66] in that is a subordinator at the beginning of a DC. Join the DC to the previous IC; otherwise it is a fragment.

[67] One word pronoun

[68] IC + comma + IC

[69] ro

[70] wf. Use the ­ing adj

[71] wf. Use the ­ing adj

[72] The phrase one cup a day, but every day does not fit in the sentence. It is not a subject of any verb, not an object of any verb or preposition, and not a complement. Perhaps you can incorporate it in the previous sentence.

[73] This sentence is unrelated to the previous one. Compose sentences that flow logically from one to the next.

[74] sp

[75] sp

[76] sp (1 wd)

[77] I am confused about same in both this sentence and the next. What is the same? What is not the same? The same as what/who/when? What is the comparison?

[78] sp

[79] sp

[80] wf, repetitious

[81] Always capitalize the first person singular pronoun I.

[82] Rep

[83] This sentence does not support the previous ideas about coffee being like your friend.

[84] sp

[85] Donıt use etc. in a paragraph. Use the format A, B, C, and D.

[86] This is misleading. If you are looking forward to it, it implies a future action/condition that does not exist, yet you spent the first part of the paragraph stating that you drink coffee every day.

[87] vt + obj (no prep)

[88] sp

[89] ww: appropriate/suitable

[90] ww: pursue

[91] no art + ncn

[92] sva

[93] voice: passive

[94] ww: Donıt use the definite article the because you have never mentioned a proposal before. use the indefinite a.

[95] a/an + sg cn