Assignment Directions
Write a paragraph of 8-10
error-free sentences on one of the following topics. After you have read the
paragraph to make sure that everything is explained clearly, identify the
verbs and edit them for meaning, form and spelling. Then post your paragraph
to the appropriate discussion board by 8 AM Oct. 27.
|
Students’ Writing
On this page, you may view paragraphs written by 35 students of ESL 970G Advanced Grammar Review and Editing. Use the table of contents to link to a topic of interest to you. Marsha Chan’s Comments on Students’ ParagraphsGreen =
verbs used correctly in the present time frame Red =
verbs with problems Links are provided to footnotes that give specific hints or corrections, as well as links to reference material. Overall Evaluation NotesSuccessfully written paragraphs describe a basic
scientific principle or an object or a place in a logical and comprehensible
way. They contain a variety of sentence types (simple, compound, complex,
compound-complex). They use a variety of well-selected verbs to describe or
explain actions or conditions that are generally or habitually true. They use
third person singular and plural subjects, and the verbs agree with the
subjects. They are written in an academic and/or professional tone. They may
be as short as 120 words or as long as 220 words. Through word choice and
sentence structure, the reader is able to visualize that which the writer describes. Less successful paragraphs may have errors of the
following types, alone or in combination: The purpose of the paragraph is unclear or incorrect; for
example, it tells the reader what to do or what happened instead of
describing a principle, place or object. Ideas are expressed unclearly or
illogically. The paragraph contains factual errors. The paragraph reads like
a conversation, an advertisement, an email message, or a personal journal
entry instead of an academic piece. The paragraph describes past or future
events instead of focusing on present actions and conditions. The paragraph
contains short simple sentences with elementary vocabulary; it lacks variety
and sophistication in sentence type and word choice. The sentences overuse
simple common verbs such as BE (is, are), HAVE, and DO. The writer did not edit the sentences for the most serious errors (fragments, verbs, agreement, run-ons or comma splices). The writer did not edit the sentences for the intermediate errors (parallelism, word order, word choice, word form, articles). The paragraph contains many mechanical errors (punctuation, capitalization, and spelling) |
4 My Field of Study è Dental Hygiene
15 I work for SMTC Manufacturing Corp.
17 The Ganges, a River to Eternity
19. Mission College Child Development Center
22. How to stand in the 1st position in Ballet
23. A place we like to stay the most in our home
28. Basic principle in your field of study of work
The Mekong river[1]
is one of the
most famous rivers in South East[2]
Asia. It is
about more than[3] 2,000 miles
long, originating from[4]
Southern China[5] where it catches water from many
creeks,[6]
or small falls. It goes through Laos, Cambodia, and finally Viet Nam. In Cambodia,
the river meets
a huge lake, which is one of the main supplies of fish for this country. A
tremendous number of fish in the lake is[7] delivered from the Mekong
river[8].
Leaving Cambodia, the river enters Viet Nam in[9]
two other rivers named "Hau Giang" and "Tien Giang." These
two rivers again splits[10] into nine smaller branches where they end[11] in the Pacific Ocean. Therefore, in Viet Nam, the common
name for the Mekong river is "Cuu Long," which means nine dragons. For years, this
river has been
the most important feature for millions of people in South Viet Nam where the
river goes
by. It not only provides a huge number of fish to the people of South Viet Nam and[12]
also feeds
the land making it the endless rich rice-fields.[13]
Therefore, the Mekong river[14]
has become
one of the most well-known and significant figures[15]
for the people of South East Asia.
202 words
Very beautiful. From the DB, I know that you made at least one classmate homesick!
1. I work as a Quality
Assurance Engineer in the Information department of County of Santa Clara[16],
San Jose.
2. My main job is to find the software
bugs in the software application[17],[18]
prepared by software developers.
3. First I find the errors in the
given software application, and I do reproduce[19] those errors before updating them into software data bug
tracking system.
4. Once the software error has been given to the
concerned software development team, then the development team fixes those errors, and give[20] me back[21]
to verify the fixed errors.
5. While verifying the fixed
errors, I try
to reproduce the same errors as I found them earlier.
6. In case,[22]
the errors are not reproduced successfully[23]
then I close them[24];
if the earlier errors have once again been found[25] then I inform the development team that the same fixed
errors haven't been fixed.[26]
7. Quality Assurance team[27]
tries to
ensure that the delivered software application shouldn't[28] have any errors.
8. Quality Assurance people keep finding errors, even
after software delivery to the end customers. And these fixed errors are distributed to end
customers,[29] in the form
of Service Pack[30].
186 words
You wrote your ideas clearly, with some exceptions, which you can see in the footnotes. Instead of a list, put the sentences together in a paragraph format. I am glad you work in the Quality Assurance department. I wish more software companies verified their s/w before shipping it to customers!
The Mission College library is a place where most
Mission College’s students[32]
go to study
and search for books. This library is big and beautiful. It is a brand new library. Furthermore, it is the only one in this
area that allows you to search[33]
the books it has through Internet[34].
Mission college library[35]
is big and
beautiful. It has many desks for students to study. It also has TVs with VCR[36],
so students can go and watch their tapes.In conclusion[37][38]
mission college library is the best library of[39]
the city of Santa Clara.
96 words
The verbs you used are not very descriptive or forceful. They are simple and rather weak verbs. In fact you can see in green that you used is many times. As an ESL 970 advanced student, you should write with more sophisticated vocabulary.
I am interested in Dental Hygiene[40]
which is a
field in health services. The main responsibility of the Dental Hyiegnist[41]
is to
directly assist the dentist. They[42]
instruct the patient in oral hygiene, such as: proper cleaning and regular
examination and good nutrition.[43]
Each Dental Hygienist[44]
should be able to provide excellent clinical care[45]
which includes: scaling, periodontal maintenance and oral hygiene. The
Hygienist[46] procedure is to perform routine treatment
for each patient. The hygienist cleans, polishes and x-rays.[47]
They help[48] a patient
toward proper health.
86 words
See notes below regarding sg vs pl subjects.
You used the BE verb a lot. It’s better to use strong
verbs as you did in the end “cleans, polishes and x-rays”
although those verbs need objects. You can easily describe the same
actions without using so many BE verbs, e.g., The d. h. assists…
I think you will become a very good dental hygienist.
Water in the deepest parts of land
and bodies of water is quite cold, but water is warmer on the surface because it is heated by the Sun[49].
The Sun makes
water particles move quickly, so water vapors[50] and becomes an invisible gas. This process that[51]
liquid changes
to a gas is known as evaporation. However, cold air makes water vapor
particles move slowly, and they condense into clouds. When water droplets in clouds become so heavy, they
finally fall
back to Earth. Water in the atmosphere falls to Earth as rain, snow, hail, or sleet, and we call this process
precipitation. Also, the process that[52]
a gas changes
to a liquid is[53] condensation. When moving particles in a liquid slow down, lose heat[54],
they freeze
to a solid. When a solid absorbs heat energy, it melts to liquid. We call the movement of Earth’s water through evaporation,
condensation, and precipitation water cycle[55].
156 words
Very well done! You used a lot of active verbs to describe the water cycle, and they are correctly used in almost all cases (green)
A library is a free service institution for the public. It is a place where books,
collections of literary documents, and records are
kept for reference, reading, and studying. In
addition, it has free Internet, microfilm, and video services. In a library, books and
other written materials are arranged according to their classification system for easy
retrieval. Everyone has a right to use a library without discrimination of color,
race, and religion. Many people develop their reading skills by going to a library. Researchers
and students are especially good users of a library. When we borrow books from a
library, we have to return them on time. If not, we will
be charged a penalty for overdue time. I like to study in a library
because it is
a quiet and convenient area. The Library of Congress in Washington D.C. is the largest library in
the world.
147 words
This is a very good description of a library, and the verbs are well-chosen and grammatically correct.
This describes public libraries, but not private ones, which are not free or open to the public.
The last sentence is irrelevant to this paragraph; omit it.
My field of study is Business
Administration. In this field students are
learning[56] the many principles of conducting business. These
principles involve how businesses are
organized, how they’re[57] related to our legal system, and how modern technology is affecting[58] them. Most of these approaches are keyed toured[59]
achieving revenues that exceed the cost of operations, so they[60]
can pay for
their expanses[61], and make a
profit[62];
furthermore, students are learning[63] what are[64]
the affects[65] of those
businesses over[66] the
environment and the culture in which they exist. In summary, the principle of this field involves organizations[67]
structures, the use of technology in conductions[68]
business, the environmental consequences, and the cultural effects of
businesses.
115 words
Good information. Use simple present tense to describe habitual general truth actions. (Use present continuous to describe actions that are occurring now, temporarily.)
The process of conception involves the fertilization
of an egg from a woman by a sperm from a man. A woman’s body prepares itself for conception
and pregnancy every month. In one of her ovaries, follicle[70]
releases an
ovum every month. The egg[71]
travels
through fallopian tube[72]
to uterus[73] in four
days. Under the influence of estrogen and progesterone, the endormentrium[74]
continues to
develop for the implantation of a fertilized egg. When pregnancy occurs, the fertilized egg
produces the
HCG[75],
which maintains
levels of ovarian hormones high and preserves the uterine lining. On the other hand, estrogen and
progesterone levels fall when pregnancy does not
occur. The endormentrium[76]
can’t maintain[77] any longer after twenty-four hours, then it begins to slough off.
Furthermore; when the ovaries release two eggs at once, and both of them are fertilized, twins
develop.
139 words
Very good description using strong active verbs, most of which are grammatically correct.
Library[79]
is a place
where information in print and in other forms is[80]
collected and
arranged to
serve people of all ages and interests. The word "library" originally
came from the Latin word liber, meaning "book". However, it would be
incorrect to use the word "library" merely to describe a collection
of books. Besides books, most modern libraries contain newspapers, magazines, maps, models, audio and video
tapes, films, and records. The library today is a center for all kinds of communications: printed,
pictured, recorded, and electronically stored. Individuals go to the library to read,
look, listen, search, relax, discuss, learn, and think. Libraries today can be found almost
anywhere.
109 words
The content of the paragraph is good. However, there are very few general truth present time verbs, which is what you were supposed to focus on: is, contain, is, go. Beware of copying sentences from existing (someone else’s) writing, for it is likely that it was written for a different purpose. Take a look at the verbs used in some of the other students’ paragraphs. Look for strong active present tense verbs.
Where do we go when we die? There are no exact answers to
that question. No one really knows unless they are dead. The Earthly perspective of “death” looks like an end, but it is a beginning of another
step forward to another world. One day our lives will end and our physical bodies will die, but our spirits are still alive. One of
the reasons why we are here on Earth is to experience everything. Losing a family
member is the
deepest sorrows. Families can be together forever, but is
not this life.[81]
94 words
The paragraph is well-organized. The verbs are used correctly, although there are few (i.e., not many) strong action verbs.
There is a park called the
Flowers[82]
Garden Park[83]. As you enter into[84]
the park, there are row of big old trees in front of the park with restaurant[85]
and café[86] under them.
Right next to the park entrance is the impressive beauty of many pots of gaudy[87]
flowers with different colors such as,[88]
orange, red, yellow, and blue. Inside the park always
have a crowd of people are standing[89] around talking to each other;[90]
some are looking[91] at the rows of flowers; some are feeding the pigeons. In
the center of the park is pond[92]
with water splashing upward from the water tap.[93]
In spring season these rows of flowers are
blooming[94] about one or two miles along the park, which give[95] the park a colorful of
live.[96]
During the autumn, the leaves of flamboyant trees are turn[97] to a shiny red, which make[98] the trees look like they are on fire, especially on hot bright sunny day[99].
Inconclusion[100], the Flowers Garden Park is a beautiful place to relax and get some fresh air. Also it
is place[101]
that[102]
you make a new friend[103].
189 words
This paragraph has serious problems. Most of the verbs are incorrect in form and/or in tense. There are also SVA errors and other structural errors.. Only a few verbs are correctly used. You need to examine and identify sentence parts (Subj, verb, obj, prep phr, etc.) and correct them. Verbs in the general truth time frame are usually simple present.
I hate alligators[105]
because they look mean and evil! Alligators belong to related families[106][107]
of reptiles and are fairly similar[108]
in appreance. They live in the rivers and swampy regions of southeastern United
states[109] and along
the Amazon River of[110]
south of America[111].
American alligators grow to a length of 19 feet, and they are dangerous and
terifying[112] creatures
that attact[113] fish, birds, and sometimes even humans. I don't think it would
be at all pleasant to be suddenly confronted by a 30 -foot Alligator, do you?[114]
88 words
Some of the sentences use verbs in the general truth present; they are marked in green.
This assignment requires 8-10 sentences. This paragraph contains only 5 sentences, and only 4 of them describe alligators using the present tense. Please distinguish between descriptive writing for academic purposes and opinions expressed and asked in a conversation. In academic writing, the third person singular and plural are used, not the first or second person. There are quite a few spelling errors for such as short paragraph.
Kennedy Space Center[115]
is an
entrance to space and a base of National Aeronautics and Space Administration[116]
(NASA). The Space Center is located to face on[117] the Atlantic Ocean in Florida. Total lot size[118]
of the space center is over 34,000 hectares includes[119] marshy areas and lakes. The space center is very well known about[120]
launching a space shuttle[121]
and [122]a
base of landing in the world. The space center has
launched space shuttles to space since
1980’s. There are many buildings in the area. Many engineers and scientists work at[123]
the buildings to prepare for safety[124]
trips to space. Moreover, there is a visitor center in the space such as Apollo/Saturn V
Center, Space Shuttle Plaza, Gallery of Space Flight, and Rocket Garden. The
visitor center also provides guided bus tours. Therefore every year about three million
people visit
the space center.
143words
This paragraph uses the weak BE verb is at least four times. Try to use some stronger action
verbs instead, such as faces, spreads over, occupy
Nowadays, science has been grown up[125] so far, internet[126] has influenced[127] to each person. First of all, it becomes[128] an essential demand[129], because Billion[130] of people use it to communicate and receive a colossal[131] information everyday[132]. For example, people can read[133] news, find jobs, listen to music, and chat online so[134] on easily, quickly, and immediately. We’ve never known[135] what will happen if one day internet[136] is shut down. Second of all, Internet becomes[137] a part of culture and society. When you live in the US, you will be able to hear or see something like e-mail or chat over and over again. They are so popular and in the near future they will be changed the regular letters. In conclusion, internet was born to serve and satisfy people.
129 words
This paragraph has serious errors. It does not describe the characteristics of a basic scientific principle, nor does it describe an object or place, as directed in the assignment It does not even describe well the Internet using verbs in the general truth present time frame. The paragraph should describe a process that occurs on a habitual or regular basis; it should use simple present tense verbs to do so. It should not deal with the future.
My company founded[139] in Toronto, Canada in 1985. Today, SMTC is a leading electronics
manufacturing services provider with operations in the United States, Canada,
Mexico, and China. The company supports the needs of a diversified OEM customer base within the
computer, networking, industrial, and communications markets. We have
five (5) manufacturing and technology centers in North America. We have over forty (40) manufacturing and assembly lines.
We’re planning to open a site in China. Our current customers in San Jose
site are
Packeteer, Netopia, Ready, Rackable, and Topcon Positioning System. I am currently working[140] with Topcon account. Topcon sells GPS products to precision
markets. “Precision Markets”, defined as all markets related to
surveying, commercial mapping, precision agriculture, and land base
construction and agriculture machine control.
125 words
Not enough sentences in this paragraph really describe a scientific principle, place, or object using verbs in the general truth present time frame. Instead of is a provider, why don’t you use provides? Instead of We have, which is about you (or and undefined We), why not tell what the company manufactures, what it assembles, etc. Using strong action verbs is more powerful than weak BE verbs.
The library[142]
is where I
often go and
it is close
to my house. It is a really big library. It is very clean and organized. When you enter in the library, on
the left side there are computers where you can checkout[143]
books or[144] other
materials. There are about twenty computers that you can use to access the web.
There are
about five people who always try to make the library organized. It is divided into two parts;
one part is
the children’s area and the second is the adult’s section. In the children’s area
there are two[145]
shelves; moreover,[146]
on the one shelf there are books about history. On the second shelf, there are books of nonfiction,
fiction, and videos. In adult’s section, there are romantic books and
science fiction books; in addition, there are also books about art, cooking and languages.
144 words
Although the verbs are not used incorrectly, the level of writing is quite simplistic. This paragraph uses the BE verb excessively. ESL 970 Advanced Grammar students should use much more sophisticated vocabulary and write with greater detail and precision. Please read other students’ paragraphs and look for examples of strong active verbs that are used to describe habitual actions and/or general truth conditions using the simple present tense.
1) The Ganges River, which flows 1,560 miles from its source in the Himalayas (the mountain range that separates China from India) to the mouth of the Bay of Bengal, is the most important and sacred river of the Indian subcontinent. 2) One reason the river is considered sacred is the purity of its water, and another is that many sages have spent their lives around its banks worshipping and meditating in search of enlightenment. 3) According to Hindu philosophy, bathing in the holy water of the river washes away one's sins. 4) The washing of sins is very important to Hindus because they believe in the reincarnation of soul. 5) After death, when the soul leaves the body, it is reborn in the body of another person, animal, vegetable or mineral. 6) The quality of the new birth is determined by the accumulated merit and demerit that results from one's Karma, the actions that the soul has committed in its past. 7) This cycle of reincarnation stops when a person has performed good Karma and the individual soul and the universal soul (God) become identical. 8) Also, as a custom, Hindus cremate their dead bodies and throw the ashes in the water of the Ganges because they believe that it transports the remains to the heaven. 9) In all senses, the Ganges River is a revered symbol of the Hindu culture.
223 words
This is an excellent description of the Ganges River using a variety of active verbs. All of the verbs are used correctly, and all sentences are error-free. Perfect!
A car is a basic method[148] of transportation. I love to have a car because it helps me to save time[149]. Having a car is very important because you need it almost in every activity in daily life. In the market, they have[150] many different kinds of cars that you can choose from[151]. The prices vary depending[152] the brand and the year of the car. SUV's are big cars that most of the time[153] are use[154] to travel. Large families like to have a SUV. Cars usually have four doors and it fit[155] five people. Sport cars have two doors and two seats,[156] couples love this type of car because [157]is for two people only. I love my Suzuki Vitara because [158]is my first car and never had gave[159] me any mechanical problem.
135 words
The main problem with this paragraph is that it does not describe an object in an academic way. This paragraph sounds like a conversation or a letter. Please review the models in the textbook and online. In academic writing, the writer does not “talk” to the reader as if in conversation. The focus of an academic paragraph should be on the topic (e.g., a particular scientific principle, a particular object). It should not be written with “I, we, you”. The focus of an academic paragraph should be on the topic (e.g., a particular scientific principle, a particular object). It should not be written with “I, we, you”. Snow freezes…The Library of Congress serves as… The moon seems the brightest object… is not supposed to be about I, you, or we. Use strong active verbs to describe what the car does. I suggest that you read what other students have written.
Mission College has a child care center, and it is called Mission College Child Development Center. It is a new white building. It is located in front of the parking lot B of Mission College and beside Mission College Police Department. It has four classrooms and a big play yard at the back. There are two rooms for preschoolers, one room for toddlers and one room for infants. Today, Mission College Child Development Center has almost eighty children from 0[160] to 5 years old. It opens[161] to public, and it also has subsidy programs for low income families. The center provides fresh breakfast, lunch, and snack for children every day. Furthermore, Mission College Child Development Center has qualified teachers who focus on the needs and interests of the children, and they support children’s developments[162] by providing many different appropriate activities for the children every day.
145 words
This is a good description of the Child Care Center. The verbs
in green are used with good SVA and tense. It uses a lot of HAVE and BE verbs,
which are weak in comparison to the action verbs provides, focus, support.
San Jose locates[164] in the northern California[165] and in the central part of the Silicon Valley. It has a population of 924,950 residents that comprises 32.17% of Hispanic, 36.04% of White, 26.2% of Asian and 3.8% of Black.[166] This ranks San Jose [167]third largest population[168] city in California. There isn’t a dominated[169] majority group in San Jose since it has the most diversified[170] races in the United States. More than one-third (36.5%) of the residents of San Jose were born[171] in another country, the sixth largest percentage of any major city in the United States. San Jose is a City[172] of the cultural and ethnic diversity of its population and workforce, and the rich cultural identity of its many neighborhoods. San Jose residents speak more than 52 different languages. More than one-fourth of San Jose residents are working[173] for a high technology company[174]. It has the nation's best household income - approximately $67,504 per year.
156 words
You know how to use has; this word is used (too) often. Focus on using other stronger action verbs in the present. Look at the hints in the footnotes.
The basic scientific principle in[175]
a rainbow is refraction. Refraction is the bending of light when it moves through different material. Light is made up of several colors, and each color moves at a different speed. When light travels from air into a drop of water, the[176]
fast color will bend less than the slow color.
After the[177] rain, the
air is filled with water drops. If[178]
sunlight enters each drop at different angle[179],
each drop gives out a different color. When
the sun is shining[180]
light at a low angle in the sky, we can see a
band of color. Rainbow[181]
is a beautiful result[182]
of water and light working together.
113 words
This paragraph uses a very nice variety of verbs to describe a rainbow. The verbs in green are used correctly in terms of tense and SVA. Study Chapter 9 nouns articles and other determiners.
Standing correctly in 1st position is not easy. First, you need to point your toes in opposite directions. Second, have your heels touch each other. Third, slowly close any gaps between your legs. Fourth, flatten your stomach. Fifth, tighten your gluteus maximus. Sixth, stand up straight and upright. Finally, look straight ahead. Now you are in the first position and ready to be a ballet dancer. :)
66 words
This short paragraph is not a description using present tense declarative verbs, as required. It is a “How To” paragraph using imperative verbs. It consists of only short simple sentences (no compound, complex or compound-complex sentences). Please study chapters 3 and 4. You will see many model paragraphs in those chapters. Also read the paragraphs posted by your classmates.
We just moved in our new home few months ago. This is a single-family home. It has 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms and 1 bonus room that we call our “cat’s play room”. When you come in from front door, you will see a not very big but cozy living room, and this is the place that we like to stay the most in our home. This living room is very bright because it has several widows around it, and one of them is very big when you sit in the sofa, we can see out the window to our yard. We also put 3 piece sofa set in our living room. The sofas are very comfortable, and you feel like you can sink into its the cushions. During weekends we love to open all the windows and sit in the sofa. Sometimes we watch TV; sometimes we just listen to music or talk. For us, this is not only a living room but also a room that make us feel like safe and happy. We enjoy staying that room very much.
181 words
This paragraph contains many error-free sentences. However, it is more of a personal journal or a letter than an academic paragraph. Please review the models in the textbook and online; you should notice that the writer does not “talk” to the reader as if in conversation. The focus of an academic paragraph should be on the topic (e.g., a particular scientific principle, a particular object): Snow freezes…The Library of Congress serves as… The moon seems the brightest object… It should not be written with “I, we, you”.
The Great Wall is known as Ten Thousend[183]-li (5,000 kilometers) Wall in China. In fact, according to the recent archeological surveys, it is more than fifty thousand kilometers. Coustruction[184] of the Wall started in the 7th century BC and continued into the Ming Dynasty. The averaging[185] of the structure is five to ten meters high and five to eight meters wide. There are ramparts, watch holes, apertures, gutters, etc. They were used to do defence work. The view of the top is rewarding and incredible. The Wall follows the contour of the mountains that rise one behind another until they finally merge with distant haze[186]. There are a few different sections: Badaling Wall, Mutianyu Wall, Shanhaiguan Wall, and so on. All of them are preserved as a historical monument and scenic spot[187]. Eventhough[188] some of the parts do not connect with the present Great Wall, it still[189] is one of the wonders of the ancient world.
158 words
This paragraph has some good descriptive language and a few active verbs (rise, merge, are preserved). However, three of the verbs are in the past instead of the general truth present. The paragraph overuses the BE verb: is is are is are is. Review the models in Chapter 3 in the book and online, and you will see how a single paragraph uses different verbs.
The rainbow is a familiar sight when the sun is shining and the rain is falling. How does the[191] rainbow form? The main factor[192] to see a rainbow is that we[193] must have the sun behind us and the rain in front of us because it is one of the most well-know[194] optical effects related to weather.[195] It[196] is created when sunlight shines on raindrops,[197] most of it passes through the drops, and these water droplets are mostly round. A ray of light entering such a droplet is bent[198] and decomposed[199] into all possible colors which the white light consists of. The ray then reflects[200] internally in the droplet, and emerges roughly into the direction[201] it came from when it entered the drop. Since the rays of the different colors all exit at slightly different directions[202], we see a color band that includes seven different colors in the sky. This color band is called as[203] a rainbow.
158 words
This paragraph uses a very good variety of verbs to describe the formation of a rainbow. The ones in green are used correctly.
Smoking cigarettes is very dangerous and can cause two deadly diseases. First of all, a person can get lung cancer from smoking cigarettes, which can lead that person to death in[205] a young age. Approximately one hundred and forty thousand people die each year because of lung cancer here in the U.S. Another disease we[206] can get from smoking cigarettes is emphysema. Emphysema is a disease which we can loose[207] both of out[208] lungs permanently, if we’re cigarette smokers[209]. According to research in 2002 approximately one hundred and fifty thousand people die each year here in the U.S. because of emphysema, which is related to smoking cigarettes. In conclusion, smoking cigarettes is not only dangerous for our health, but also it can lead us to death faster than we can imagine.
132 words
This paragraph contains many error-free sentences. However, it
is a description of neither a scientific principle nor an object. This
paragraph overuses the BE verb: is is is are is and the modal can: can can can can can can. It uses die twice. Review the model paragraphs from Chapter 3. Notice how the
writer uses a wide variety of action verbs to describe an object. It would be
better to use simple present tense verbs.
Credit cards are very popular for users in society nowadays. There are two advantages of[210] credit cards. First, sometimes, people may forget withdraw[211] cash with them [212], so they should use a credit card to [213]instead of cash. For example, Visa or Master Cards are used legally[214] for most restaurants, hotels and airplaine's[215] tickets in America or canada[216]. Second, to be safe peolple[217] may use credit cards to instead of cash. For instance, if peolple[218] have[219] a trip to Canada, they must bring[220] at least a thousand[221] with them.[222] What happen[223] if that wallet[224] is lost somewhere? the answer is lost for the whole things.[225] In contrast, people who use credit cards just make a phone call to cancel company services after they are lost it in half an hour[226], so they can save that big money.Furthermore, using credit cards are also required to show up personal I.D.[227] Thus, It is more complicated for a robber cards [228]. So, I believe that using credits cards are[229] very convennient[230] for two reasons: forget withdraw cash[231] and more safety[232]
180 words
The first sentence is the only error-free sentence. All of the
other sentences contain at least one error, and some sentences contain many
errors. The purpose of the paragraph for this assignment is not supposed to be
to tell the advantages of something; the purpose is to describe an object or a basic principle using
verbs in the general truth present time frame. This paragraph does
not quite meet this objective. This paragraph uses many modals: may, should,
must. It is supposed to use general truth
verbs (esp. simple present). It overuses BE verbs: are are are is
are. It is not supposed to be an opinion
piece. The focus of an academic paragraph should be on the topic (e.g., a
particular scientific principle, a particular object). It should not be written
with “I, we, you”. Review the models in Chapter 3: Snow
freezes…The Library of Congress serves as… The moon seems the
brightest object….
I'm the[234] Vietnamese student.[235] I have lived in the USA for several years. When I came[236] to the Mission College[237], I was[238] weak at English, so improving English is my first purpose, and it is also a basic principle in my field of study[239]. I think English is very necessary for my study now and my work in the future. If my English is improved[240], I will study fast[241] other scientific subjects, and I can contact[242] foreigners naturally ; also, in five more years, when I have a job, I can speak and listen to foreign coworkers easily[243]. In order to improve English, I must take ESL classes and be[244] discipline myself to study it. I must do well and complete all of my homework. I have to focus on studying it, and I won't let be distracted from studying, so I always stay at school to finish all my study before going home.
In brief, my basic principle of study of work is to be responsible for studying now or working in the future, stay focus on it, and be persistent
204 words
The serious problem with this paragraph is that it does not
describe an object, and it does not describe a scientific principle. This
paragraph sounds like a conversation or a letter. In academic writing, the
writer does not “talk” to the reader as if in conversation. The
focus of an academic paragraph should be on the topic (e.g., a particular
scientific principle, a particular object). It should not be written with
“I, we, you”. Please review the models in the textbook and online.
Notice sentences such as these: Snow freezes…The Library of Congress
serves as… The moon seems the brightest object… The paragraph for this assignment is not supposed to
be about I, you, or we. Use strong active verbs to describe what the car does. I suggest that you read what other students
have written. There are many errors but I have not commented on all of them
because the sentences need serious revision before they meet the criteria of
the assignment. .
As we all know, ears are sense organ[246] for hearing. But how is it possible that we hear sounds from moving air molecules or sound waves.[247] There are four pathways that sound waves follow into the ear. First, the outer ear helps direct sound waves into a narrow tube called the ear canal. Then, sound waves bump against a thin membrance[248] called the eardrum. The eardrum begins to virate[249]. As the eardrum vibrates, the bones inside the ear vibrate. Last, the motion passes to the brain. The brain then interprets the messages as sound we hear.[250]
97 words
This paragraph describes the phenomenon of hearing sound using
a good variety of verbs. There are errors in other parts of some sentences, but
the verbs are used correctly. .
Chinatown is the quickest trip you ever made to Hong Kong. There are a residential area includes a fantastic and inexpensive markets and restaurants. Therefore, you can enjoy great meal in Chinatown restaurants as you're shopping there. Chinatown is not only remain as a tourist hopspot, but it still also remains its old traditional and cultural charactersictics. As you walking in a Chinatown, you have to stop as every single stores because their productive are so attractive. The people at Chinatown are very friendly with the smiles also upon on their face. Going to Chinatown is just like you go to another country where the people and the environment that surround you is very different.
115 words.
There are no error-free sentences in this paragraph. All have at least one error. The first sentence is hard to understand. I had to read it several times before I could guess the meaning. I had to ask, “What place is the writer trying to describe? Is it Hong Kong? Is it a district of Hong Kong?” After reading it a few times, I came to the conclusion the answer is No to both questions. Perhaps you mean a particular Chinatown (in San Francisco? In New York? In Toronto? In Saigon?), but it is not clear. How is the first sentence related to residential area in the second? The more I think about it, the more I think that the first line was taken from an advertisement. Writing ad copy is very different from writing academic prose; certainly, they do not belong together.
The focus of an academic paragraph should be on the topic (e.g., a particular scientific principle, a particular object). It should not be written with “I, we, you”. Look at the model paragraphs in Chapter 3: Snow freezes…The Library of Congress serves as… The moon seems the brightest object…
There are serious and persistent errors, including verb
errors, word choice and mechanics. Don’t use is and remain in the same clause. Each clause must have a clearly identifiable
subject and verb. Make sure there is subject-verb agreement. I did not mark the
specific errors in the sentences because the purpose of the paragraph needs to
be changed, and it needs a major revision before it can be edited for smaller
errors. .
A credit card is a plastic card that has an account number and a coded magnetic stripe. It is a payment card that enables you[251] to borrow money or buy products and services on credit (buy now and pay for them later) with your signature. A credit card may also be used to obtain cash to an agreed limit. There are two types of credit cards: the first ones are issued by merchants such as department stores, and the second ones are general purpose credit cards that are issued by banks. Credit cards allow you to make immediate purchases and then decide over what period to pay. You are sent monthly statements showing what you have bought. You can either repay the full amount to avoid interest payments; or you can pay back only some of the amount (make partial payments). When you make partial payments, you must pay the interest on the amount owed -at least 3-5 per cent of the overdue amount each month. The most widely-used and accepted credit card is the EUROCARD, with more than 12 million contractual companies worldwide. American Express and Discover credit cards are also widely accepted in many countries.
198 words
The verbs in green are used correctly to describe general
truth actions in the present time frame. Academic writing usually the uses
third person and avoids the first and second persons (I, me, my, you, your).
This paragraph can be written without the conversational tone you you you and
without so many modals can, can, must (because that’s not the grammatical
focus of this assignment). Some BE verbs can be changed to action verbs, e.g.,
A credit card bears an account number…Banks print an account number on a
credit card… .
Now-a-days,[252] using a credit card is convenience[253] to the life[254], but sometimes it brings you some problems. First of all,[255] a credit card is a good success[256]. For example, my father has used[257] credit card[258] since 1999. He uses Visa and ATM[259][260]. He buys clothes, foods, and furnitures[261].[262] He uses a credit card. He pays the statement for[263] every month. Right now, he has a good credit[264]. He buys[265] a Mobile Home[266] at Milpitas. Secondly[267], a credit card is a bad[268] in future. For instance, my friend who is twenty five[269] years old lives in San Jose. His name is John Nguyen. He has been lived[270] in the United States for fifteen years.[271] Five years ago, he had a girlfriend.[272] They went shopping too much.[273] He used a credit card for paying[274] all of things.[275] He paid the statements over and over again[276], but it was impossible for paying[277] off.[278] He got a bad credit.[279] Now, he uses all of a credit card, but it doestn't work.[280] John buys foods,[281] clothes..ect,[282] he uses cash only.[283] He wants to buy a a[284] new car for going[285][286] to work, but they don't let him borrowing[287] money. John can buy a house or a car without the bank[288]. In conclusion, whether a good or bad credit[289] you[290] have better[291] trying[292] to use a credit card. It is very good for buying a house or a car. The most importance[293] is careful[294]. You don't use unlimited[295] and pay your statement on time.
248 words
In terms of rhetoric[296], this paragraph has a major problem. The transitions First of all and Secondly are misused. These transitions should be used to introduce two points (details, examples) that support the same main idea, not opposing ideas. Opposing ideas or points are introduced by transitions such as On the one hand – On the other hand/In contrast/However.[297] The assignment is not to write a paragraph of comparison and contrast; indeed, it is to write a paragraph of description[298].
In terms of grammar, this paragraph contains many major
errors. There is not one single error-free sentence. In fact, there are serious
errors in sentence structure, verbs, word choice, word form, and mechanics. For
academic writing, this paragraph contains too many short simple sentences,
which makes it very choppy. It lacks complex and compound-complex sentence
structures, which are common in academic writing. .
My countryside[300], Dong Thap, located in the south of Viet Nam, is full of greenery and serenity. Dong Thap is covered with immense rice fields, which a stork[301] can take[302] a long flight over. When the sunset changes to red[303], the breeze makes the rice fields look like ocean waves. At that time, you excitedly see[304] the houses, which sprawl in the distance, look like the boats drifting on the ocean. Among the fields, the farmers are leading[305] buffalos to plow through the fields instead of tractors.[306] There are several paths along the fields; however, a footbridge, built across a canal, is the only way to enter the houses[307]. On the path from school, the children are walking[308] home with their naïve faces and bare feet[309], and at the edge of the canal, some people are patiently fishing[310] to improve their meal[311]. They had rather[312] earn a little money with[313] a happy family than earn much without[314] a harmonious one; therefore, you easily recognize[315] the honesty through their lifestyle. I really love the ordinary life of the local people, the peaceful scene, the serene face of the youngsters, and the fresh air of my countryside.
200 words.
The vocabulary in this paragraph evokes[316] beautiful scenery. To describe it in an academic way, focus on the components of the scene and make those the subjects of the sentences. You did this successfully in some cases (sunset, Dong Thap, breeze). Using houses, honesty and life as subjects instead of I and you would make follow this academic style better.
The verbs in green correctly express concepts of general truth
or habit; the ones in red don’t. .
Mission College is one of the famous colleges which delivers[317] I20[318] for[319] the[320] foreign students. Two programs are offered to the[321] new[322] students. One is for[323] who want to improve their English and pass the Toefl[324] test. This program is designed for the student who has F1 student visa[325] and according INS, they must be in class at least 18 hours per week. At Mission College, Institute for International Studies (IIS) [326] provide[327] 23 hours per week[328]. The second program is the Mission College's[329] regular credit program. In this program the student must have[330] at least 12 units per semester.[331] In this center[332], there are many helpful and friendly people.
109 words
First, in terms of content and rhetoric[333], this paragraph does not have a narrow enough unified topic. The topic sentence calls Mission College famous, but this concept is not supported in the body of the paragraph. I think the details in the body support a topic sentence stating that MC has both credit and noncredit classes. There are at least two factual errors; these need to be corrected. Other details to support a description of the credit and noncredit programs would make this paragraph better.
In terms of grammar, there are
several errors of subject-verb agreement. Recall that the focus of this
assignment is to use verbs of general truth in the present time frame, so
choose those verbs well (not so many BE and HAVE) and ensure that singular
subjects are followed by sg verbs and plural subj are followed by pl v. Review
Chapter 9 on nouns, articles and determiners. Even though the focus of this
assignment is on verbs and not nouns, the noun errors affect the overall
quality of this paragraph. .
1. A communications satellite is basically a microwave
station placed in outer space.
2. The satellite receives the signal from
the earth station and amplifies the relatively weak signal.
3. Then it rebroadcasts the signal at
a different frequency.
4. The advantage of satellite
communications is the ability to receive and broadcast over large geographic
regions.
5. A geostationary satellite orbits the earth directly
over the equator, approximately 22,000 miles above the earth.
6. At this altitude one complete
turn around the earth takes the satellite 24 hours.
7. The satellite thus stays fixed in the sky
relative to any point on the earth from which it can be seen.
8. Three such satellites, spaced at equal intervals (120
angular degrees apart), provide coverage of
the entire world.
120words
Excellent. The verbs are strong action verbs, and they are used correctly in your sentences to describe satellites.
Go back to class http://cvc.blackboard.com
Go to Marsha Chan’s home page
http://www.missioncollege.org/depts/esl/Fac/Chan/Chan.html
[1] cap
[2] sp: Southeast
[3] wo: more than about (or just more than)
[4] ww: to originate in a place
[5] punc: add a comma because the next clause is a nonrestrictive adverb clause.
[6] punc: Omit the comma – no comma between two compound elements (except ICs)
[7] This is a
bit tricky. “a number of X” is a plural noun phrase, so use are.
[8] cap
[9] ww: after dividing into?
[10] sva
[11] noun modification error: branches that end
[12] ww: not only… but also
[13] it = sg, but fields = pl.
[14] cap
[15] ww: features (figure = a person)
[16][16] The N1 of N2.
[17] probably
not only one, so use the generic form: software applications OR a software application
[18] no comma
[19] I see no need to use the emphatic do. Nobody is contradicting or doubting you.
[20] sva.
[21] to give something back to sbdy
[22] punc: remove the comma
[23] punc: put the comma here after the DC!
[24] them = errors? or do you mean the reports, or the tests?
[25] same as the previous
[26] I’m a little confused about the meaning of reproducing the errors successfully. Do you mean the following? I fI cannot reproduce the errors, the fix is considered successful. Of course, you need to change the rest of the sentence if this part is changed.
[27] specific n: add The
[28] ww: ensure….doesn’t
[29] no comma
[30] sg cn; add a
[31] Capitalize all main words in a title.
[32] most of N1’s N2…
[33] search for sthg
[34] the Internet
[35] See abov e
[36] sg/pl?
[37] ro
[38] See above
[39] ww: in
[40] Use a comma here because it this clause is followed by a nonrestrictive relative adjective clause.
[41] sp. Also, don’t capitalize common nouns.
[42] Who does they refer to? The only plural noun mentioned previously is services, but I don’t think they = services. You probably mean A dental hygienist, don’t you?
[43] punc: A, B, and C.
[44] See above.
[45] See above.
[46] common n
[47] The forms of these verbs is good; however, they are all VT, so they need objects (3 different ones or one common one)
[48] Again, there is a problem of plural vs singular. Choose one and use it consistently.
[49] Don’t capitalize common nouns.
[50] wf: use the
verb evaporates
[51] ww: in which
[52] See above.
[53] is called/is known as
[54] V1, V2, cc V3 OR V1 cc V2
[55] definite: the
w. cycle – title too
[56] tns: simp pres
[57] Avoid contractions of S + BE in formal writing (academic, professional).
[58] tns: simp pres
[59] sp
[60] What is the
referent of they? operations? revenues?
approaches? or another word?
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=referent
Definition 1.
[61] sp
[62] punc: A and B. A, B, and C.
[63] tsn
[64] Delete. Just use the simple noun object.
[65] ww: effects (n)
[66] ww: the effects of N1 on N2.
[67] wf: adj -al
[68] wf: ger -ing
[69] The N1 of N2 (no period in a title): The Miracle of Reproduction
[70] art + sg cn
[71] For
clarity: the ovum, or egg, travels…
[72] def art + specific n
[73] def art+ specific n
[75] What does this acronym stand for? Most of us readers won’t know. I think you shouldn’t use the. http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=HCG
[76] sp
[77] maintain = VT. This needs an object.
[78] A title should generally be a noun or noun phrase with the major words capital ized.
[79] a/an + sg cn
[80] sva
[81] but not in this life.
[82] Are you sure it isn’t called Flower Garden Park? Nouns used as adjectives in English are usually singular.
[83] Where?
[84] enter = go into.
sva
[85] sg? pl? If
sg, use an indefinite article. If plural, add s.
[86] sg? pl?
[87] ww? gaudy has a negative connotation. Is that what you want? See http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=gaudy
[88] omit comma
[89] What is the
subject? What is the verb? Don’t use two: have and are standing
[90] cs
[91] tns: this is pres. cont., used for current temporary actions. This paragraph needs to focus on general truth in the present time, i.e. simple pres. tns.
[92] sg? pl?
[93] Do you mean a water fountain?
[94] tns
[95] sva
[96] This needs to be a n. phr.
[97] wf/tns
[98] sva
[99] A sg cn requires an article.
[100] sp
[101] See above
[102] ww
[103] A new friend? Who is a new friend? In the paragraph, you did not previously mention friendship, so this sentence seems irrelevant, or at least unclear.
[104] sp
[105] This is a statement of opinion. It is not a factual statement of general truth.
[106] ww. They belong to the family of… OR they are related to (name one or more other kinds of reptiles)
[107] sp
[108] similar to what?
[109] the …United States
[110] river in a place
[111] ww The river is not south of America (south of is outside of); it is in South America (the continent).
[112] sp
[113] sp
[114] This is a question of opinion. It is not a factual statement of general truth.
[115]
Specific, not generic noun. The
[116] See previous comment.
[117]
ww faces
[118] Specific n
[119] Don’t use is and includes in the same clause. What main verb do you want to use? Does the sentence need to have two clause? or use the present participle including?
[120] ww known FOR sthg
[121] only one? I think this must be pl.
[122] parallel structure requires another gerund here
[123]
ww in
[124] wf: adj
[125] This verb phrase contains multiple errors. First of all, only people grow up= become an adult. See http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=grow%20up Secondly, as a VI, it cannot be used in the passive voice, only in the active voice.
[126] wf The Internet
[127] VT, not VI (no prep)
[128] tns: pres perf
[129] ww: if you use this verb, it must be pres perf because it doesn’t become every day in a habitual way. OR you need to change the verb to something that describes a habitual action.
[130] case, pl
[131] Add a measure word noun after this adjective.
[132] sp 2 words
[133] Use simp pres
[134] Omit this word unless you show a result: so + adv (adj) that + clause
[135] ww: Do you mean: I can’t imagine ?
[136] See previous comment.
[137] See previous comment.
[138] Titles are usually nouns or noun phrases, and the important words are capitalized.
[139] passive voice: BE (past) + pp
[140] This is not a general truth present time frame. This is the use of the present continuous to describe a current (temporary) action.
[141] This paragraph is about a specific library; your title should reflect this.
[142] The library =?= a library?
[143] sp 2 words
[144]
ww: and
[145] only two?
[146] ww
[147] This group of sords does not make snese, either as a sentence or as a phrase. Titles are usual noun phrases. Capitalize only the first letter of the important words.
[148] Ww: means
[149] Rewrite the sentence so that it describes a car. This paragraph requires you to describe an object using present tense verbs.
[150] Ww: there are
[151] Remove references to I and you.. Instead, explain what a car does.
[152] Depend = vi: depend on sthg
[153] wo
[154] wf: pp
[155] sva
[156] cs
[157] Subj
[158] subj
[159] tns: pres perf
[160] No baby can be zero! A baby must be at least a few days, a few weeks, or a few months old.
[161] Ww: to be open (adj)
[162] ncn
[163] New York City is the name of a city. San Jose it the name of our local city, NOT San Jose City. You can use the city of San Jose.
[164] wf: passive
[165] review Ch 9 on the use of determiners with nouns. Don’t use the before the name of a state.
[166]
Ww: Omit all of the occurrences of of.
[167] Use SJ as subj.
[168]
Wf: Don’t use the noun form; use the superlative adjective form to modify
the noun city.
[169] Wf: adj
[170] ww, wf: the greatest diversity of
[171] Try to express this idea with a different verb in the present tense.
[172] case: Don’t capitalize common nouns. This phrase is a city of the… doesn’t quite make sense. Can you express it in another way, using active verbs (not BE)
[173] tns
[174] only one??
[175] Ww: use another prep
[176] Ww: indef art (see chapter 9)
[177] see above
[178] ww
[179] a/an + sg cn
[180] tns
[181] cn: sg/pl?
[182] ww: def art
[183] sp
[184] sp
[185] wf: n
[186] indef art + sg cn
[187] only one?
[188] sp
[189] wo
[190] The N1 of N2: The Formation of…
[191] ww: indef
[192] ww
[193]
Rewrite the sentence without using we.
[194] wf
[195] This is not a logical reason. This whole sentence is awkward and should be rewritten.
[196] Referent? It =? Weather? Rain? Sun?
[197] cs
[198] active voice?
[199] See above.
[200] Passive?
[201] See next
[202] ww: At… points / in…directions
[203] omit
[204] case: Capitalize all of the important words (N, V, Adj, Adv) in a title.
[205] Ww: at…age
[206]
Rewrite this without using we.
[207] ww
[208] sp
[209]
Rewrite this without using BE.
[210] + ger
[211] Ww, wf: forget + infin
[212] Do not put a space before a comma, period or other punctuation mark.
[213] + ??
[214] ?? Do you mean they are used illegally elsewhere?
[215] Improper modification. Don’t use the possessive. Use as a noun + noun = n phr.
[216] cap
[217] sp
[218] sp
[219] ww
[220] ww: bring here; take there
[221] + n
[222] The sentence seems illogical; there is no mandatory amount of money one must take.
[223] wf
[224] that? What/which?
[225] This whole sentence is ungrammatical.
[226] awk
[227] sva. DC does not make sense, nor is it grammatical.
[228] ?? a robber cards???
[229] sva
[230] sp
[231] See above
[232] parallel structure
[233] This is a general category that I gave you. It is not appropriate for a title. Please choose a brief noun phrase to act as the title of your paragraph (and the subject line of your message on the discussion board). Do not use a period in the title.
[234] Ww: You certainly are NOT the only one! Indef art.
[235] Remove all spaces before punctuation marks such as periods and commas.
[236] This is not a verb in the general truth present time frame. This is past.
[237] Study Ch 9 on the use of articles. Do not use an article with the name of a college.
[238] This is past.
[239] Not true. Improving English is NOT a basic principle in your major field of study.
[240] vi
[241] wo
[242] ww
[243] Why? Are you planning to learn to speak many foreign languages?
[244] omit
[245]
case: Capitalize all main words in a title.
Wo: use inverted word order, as in an embedded question.
[246] Sg/pl: ears ≠ organ
[247] punc
[248] sp
[249] sp
[250] Do you mean: The brain then interprets the sound we hear as messages?
[251] a user. In an academic paragraph, we rarely use you. Edit out the references to the reader.
[252] sp
[253] art + sg cn
[254] no art + abstract ncn
[255] ww
[256] ww
[257] This verb does not express a concept of general truth in the present time frame.
[258] sg/pl?
[259] ww: Visa and ATM are not parallel: they do not belong to the same category of items.
[260] ncn.
[261] ncn
[262] Combine the ideas in these 2-3 sentences. What point do you want to make?
[263] omit
[264] ncn
[265] tns: This verb does not express a concept of general truth in the present time frame.
[266] case: common nouns
[267] ww
[268] adj + n: a bad what?
[269] sp
[270] tns: Not only is the form of the verb wrong (active voice, present perfect tense: has lived), but it does not express a concept of general truth in the present time frame.
[271] Combine the ideas in these 3 sentences. What point do you want to make?
[272] This sentence does not express a concept of general truth in the present time frame.
[273] This sentence does not express a concept of general truth in the present time frame.
[274] wf: inf
[275] This sentence does not express a concept of general truth in the present time frame.
[276] ww: this means he repeatedly paid the same bill, the same amount. I doubt that this is your meaning.
[277] wf: inf
[278] This sentence does not express a concept of general truth in the present time frame.
[279] This sentence does not express a concept of general truth in the present time frame.
[280] Unclear: I don’t understand the intention of this sentence.
[281] ncn
[282] A, B, and C
[283] cs
[284] omit
[285] wf: inf
[287] wf: base
[288] logic? How can he buy such expensive items if he has bad credit?????
[289] This dependent clause lacks both a subject and a verb.
[290] Who, me?
[291] ww
[292] wf
[293] ww
[294] ww
[295] ww
[299]
ww? Is this the word you mean? http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=countryside
= 1. A rural region.2. The inhabitants of a rural region.
[300] Ww: Do you mean http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=hometown
[301] only one?
[302] Wf: Do you want to emphasize ability (can) or habit (take)?
[303] Ww: turns red
[304]
Remove conversational references to you.
Focus on the subject houses
[305] tns: not right now/temporarily, habitually/generally
[306] Omit the reference to tractors. Instead of shows a contrasting expectation. So far, nothing in the paragraph indicates that tractors would be present.
[307] One footbridge leads to each house? I think not.
[308] tns
[309]
walking with bare feet seems strange. How about barefooted
children walk…?
[310] tns
[311] ww; purpose: for their evening meal?
[312] Ww: would rather?
[313] ww: earn money with family??
[314] ww
[315] Remove you. Instead, use honesty as the subject of this clause.
[316] http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=evoke
[317] sva:
[318] Usu. written as I-20
[319] ww: provide x to y
[320] no art + generic pl cn. See chapter 9.
[321] generic
[322] ww: not only new students - all students!!
[323] Prep + obj
[324] case: Capitalize acronyms. http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=acronym
[325] indef art + sg cn See chapter 9.
[326] Def art: The N1 of/for N2. See chapter 9.
[327] sva
[328] hours of what?
[329] Wf: Turn this into a prep phr, not a possessive. See chapter 9.
[330] ww
[331] This is not true. A student may take 0.5 – over 20 units.
[332] Ww: What center? Mission College is not a center.