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Skiing with My Family, v.1

by Marsha Chan

Skiing is one sport that our family has enjoyed since my two children were very young. Since my daughter has been studying at UCLA, we have had to make special arrangements in advance to ski together. Tiffany returned home last month to go skiing with us. However, we did not make it then, for it was snowing too heavily, and driving on the mountain roads was dangerous. This past weekend, we tried again. The meteorologists said it was going to snow, but the roads were clear on Friday, so we departed. When we started skiing on Saturday morning, the temperature was warm, and the sky was clear. After we had made just a few runs down the ski slopes, the temperature dropped suddenly, and it started to snow. The weather forecasters had been right. Still, we continued skiing through the wet snow until our clothes became soaked and our fingers numb. Although the weather had been bad, my daughter had a lot of fun, and we all enjoyed skiing as a family.

(172 words)

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skiing is one sport that our family has enjoyed since my two children were very young since my daughter has been studying at ucla we have had to make special arrangements in advance to ski together tiffany returned home last month to go skiing with us however we did not make it then for it was snowing too heavily and driving on the mountain roads was dangerous this past weekend we tried again the meteorologists said it was going to snow but the roads were clear on friday so we departed when we started skiing on saturday morning the temperature was warm and the sky was clear after we had made just a few runs down the ski slopes the temperature dropped suddenly and it started to snow the weather forecasters had been right still we continued skiing through the wet snow until our clothes became soaked and our fingers numb although the weather had been bad my daughter had a lot of fun and we all enjoyed skiing as a family

This paragraph meets the criteria of topic, sentence structure, verb tense usage, length, time frame, unity, and coherence. However, it does not employ any academic vocabulary. In Version 2 of the paragraph, I made an effort to incorporate the use of academic vocabulary from the Academic Word List (AWL). To accomplish this task, I used LexTutor Web Vocabulary Profiler http://www.lextutor.ca/vp/eng/ and the thesaurus at Dictionary.com http://thesaurus.reference.com/

See Version 2 of this paragraph.

Marsha Chan

ESL970G Advanced Grammar and Editing

Mission College, Santa Clara, California

wvmccd.angellearning.com