ESL970G Fall 2004
Week 12 Writing Assignment: Sentences with Relative Clauses. Due date: 11PM Nov 18. (20 pts) In the Subject Line, write your job title or activity. In the message body, write eight sentences related to a job (the one you have now, the one you had before, or the one you desire. In each sentence, use a relative adjective clause or a relative adverb clause. Set the relative clause or phrase in square brackets. Use each of these relative pronouns at least once: who, whom, whose, that, which. Use each of these relative adverbs at least once: when, where. Write at least two restrictive clauses and two nonrestrictive clauses. Use proper grammar and punctuation. Follow my example, which uses relative clauses: Teaching ESL970G.
Date: Sat Nov 13
2004 4:32 pm
Author: Chu, Charles <charlesschu@sbcglobal.net>
1. Subject: Pharmacy Technician and Customer Service Representative
1 Pharmacy technicians may be employed in any environment
[where licensed pharmacists are].
2 The Certified Pharmacy Technician (CphT) is the pharmacy
technician [who has passed the examination offered by the
Pharmacy Technician Certification Board (PTCB) and holds
a valid certification].
3 This examination has 125 multiple-choice questions, [to which
there are four possible answers to choose from, with only one
being the correct or best answer].
4 The questions are designed to assess the candidate's knowledge
and skills [that are deemed necessary to perform the activities
in the work of pharmacy technicians].
5 Kyong H. Kang, [who has been working at VA Palo Alto Health
Care System for about 10 years], is my boss.
6 The patient [whose name does not match the one in the patient
profile system] will get wrong medication if not corrected.
7 I've learned a lot from the pharmacist [whom I work with].
8 [When I worked as a customer service representative], I learned
not to take an irate customer's harsh words personal.
Excellent! 1-7 contain thoughtful, well-written adjective clauses. 8 is well-written, but it contains an adverbial clause of time.
3 .ww: questions, for which
6. art: get the wrong medication
8. wf-adv: take an irate customer's harsh words personally
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Date: Mon Nov 15
2004 1:23 pm
Author: Ho, Shih-Wei (Candice) <shibayoyo@hotmail.com>
2. Subject: My job in a computer display company
Excellent content. Most of the structure of the sentences is correct. Punctuate nonrestrictive clauses with commas. NR cl contain additional, but not essential, info for the reader to describe the noun (person, place, or thing)
Title: Capitalize content words: N, V, Adj, Adv.
pl cn: two scientists
NR: Our new electronic displays, [whose features include being light, safe, inexpensive and bendable], can
Our new electronic displays can (we know which displays, so the adj cl is nonrestrictive, that is, nonessential.)
NR: Plastic, [which is well-known to be low-cost, water-resistant, flexible and lightweight], is the core (Itıs clear which material.)
active VI: Our initial market will focus on
wf, NR: Our CEO, [who has been interviewed by many international, technical journals], is (who = he, not whom=him)
NR: Japan and Europe, [where people (We know which countries.)
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Date: Tue Nov 16
2004 9:40 pm
Author: Kim Cho, Eunsook <cho3274@hotmail.com>
1. I worked for an educational publishing company in Seoul, Korea, [where I got my first job] as an editor [who made childrenıs picture books, work books, and educational toys].
2. I revised the books [that a translator translated from English to Korean], but it was too hard for me [because my English was poor].
3. I liked Leo Lionni, [who won the Caldecott Award several times].
4. Leo Lionni, [whose books were well known among children], used collage [that made by sticking pieces of colored paper and cloth onto paper].
5. I met many great authors and illustrators [whom my manager recommended to make wonderful books].
6. Their books, [which were published in other publishing company], gave a big impression on me.
7. [When I got the first book [that I edited]], I was exited, and I never forget it.
8. [As I read many childrenıs books], I recognized that the great books existed [wherever I looked for].
The directions state: ³Subject Line, write your job title or activity² . ³My Job² is too vague.
The sentences are very interesting. I can feel your excitement upon seeing the first book you edited. The book that I have been writing for over three years is in press now, and I canıt wait to see it. I was excited to see the page proofs, and now Iım looking forward to feeling the bound book in my own hands.
Your sentences 1-7 use adjective clauses (and some adverbial clauses) excellently. 8 uses two adverbial clauses, which describe how, where (when, why). 8 also uses a noun clause, but thereıs no adjective clause.
4. pl cn, wf: used collages [that were made (passive: BE + pp)
6. ww, sg/pl cn? published by another publishing company? published by other publishing companies?
7. sp: excited (exited=left, departed). tns: Iıll never forget it.
8. generic: that great books existed. wherever I looked (no prep. wherever=in all places, in whatever place. adv includes prep)
Next time, donıt leave so many blank lines between sentences when you post them to the DB.
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Date: Wed Nov 17
2004 1:51 pm
Author: Zhou, Jiali <kelly17cat@yahoo.com.cn>
4 . Subject: My part-time job in the past
1.I had a part-time job [when I was at high school in China.]
2.The teachers [whom don't know Chinese], were from foreign countries.
3.One of a teacher [who came from San Jose] was an American.
4.The target of the school was children [whose age 3--8 years old.]
5.I worked there three times a week[ after school.]
6. My job title [that was help teachers translate English to the kids ], when needed in or out of class.
7.I could practice my spoken English with them [whom were nice to me], [that what I wanted.]
8.[What I need was] more chances to learn more Ehglish.
Title: Capitalize content words: N, V, Adj, Adv.
1 contains an adverbial (not adjective) clause of time.
2. wf, tns: The teachers who didnıt know who = subj pron.
3. def art: The teacher who came
4. This sentence has (target). Your adjective ³clause² has no verb. Every clause must have S+V. The school was for children age 3 to 8 years old. (no need for an adj cl) OR Children [who were three to eight years old] attended the school.
5. no rel cl
6. incorrect grammar and word choice. I am not really sure what you mean, but perhaps the following? My job (responsibility) was to translate the teachersı English to the Chinese-speaking children, both in and out of class. (no need for an adj cl)
7. No, no, you canıt just stick clauses together like this. It is definitely not correct. Perhaps your idea is the following? I could practice my spoken English with the teachers, who were nice to me. OR I could practice my spoken English with the teachers, which is what I wanted.
8 contains a noun clause, not an adj cl.
There are no error-free sentences with adjective clauses.
6/20
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Date: Wed Nov 17
2004 7:58 pm
Author: Enomoto, Maria Teresa <mariteremor73@hotmail.com>
5. Subject: My job at an Insurance Company
1. I worked in a Life Insurance Company in Peru named Pacifico Vida [that is a member of the AIG Insurance Group].
2. [When the Life Insurance Company began their operations in 1997], the insurance market in Peru was becoming popular.
3. I began to work at the Financial Department [where one of our duties was to elaborate the annual budget].
4. My boss, [who was the Financial Department Manager], discussed the budget with the board of Directors.
5. The annual budget, [which was elaborated between April and June], included the financial requirements of the Company.
6. I worked on the budget with an assistant, [whose main duty was to gather the financial information from the different departments], and my boss give us advice of the procedure.
7. The General Accountant, [from whom we obtained most of the financial information], helped us with the account classification.
8. The final version of the budget, [which included not only the numbers but also the strategic planning of the company], was presented at the Regional Management Office in Chile.
Very good content. Few major structural errors. Nonrestrictive clauses are nonessential; they must be set off by commas. One incorrect word is used repeatedly. Sentences 1 and 3-8 contain adjective clausesp; 2 contains an adverbial clause of time.
title cap: My Job
1. NR: Pacifico Vida, which is
2 This is an [adv cl of time]. Use a [rel adj cl]
3. NR,ww: in the financial department, where ww: elaborate =>estimate? calculate?
4 ww: elaborated??? Youıd better check another dictionary. elaborate = vi, and does not have a financial meaning.
5 ww
6. tns, ww: gave us advice on
8. wf: the strategic plan. ww: presented to
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Date: Wed Nov 17
2004 8:29 pm
Author: Tran, Son <sonphungtran@yahoo.com>
6. Subject: Eight Adjective Clauses.
1/ The customer [whom I regularly meet on Saturdays] is my sister's classmate.
2/ The supervisor of my last job, [who has been working for the comapany for ten years,] moved to Virginia last month.
3/ The-co-worker [whose brother is my friend] is planning to take a vacation next week.
4/ The customer [that I gave the fight ticket on Monday] is a prickly person.
5/ The fax machine of my office, [which is brand-new,] is broken down today.
6/ It was on Friday [when Mr. John got my fax,]
7/ I put the flight ticket in the place [where I could found it.]
8/ The students [who attend the Mission College Nurse Assistant Programs] must enroll in, attend, and complete the theory course AHO20D.
What is your workplace and your job? Neither is clear from your sentences. In some sentences, it appears that you work at a shop of some sort (I canıt tell which kind), but in the last sentence, the topic is about nursing, which does not have customers. I am confused. Some adjective clauses are well-written. No sentence contains a nonrestrictive clause.
1. Is this the only customer whom you regularly meet, or one of the customers whom you regularly meet? If the latter, itıs better to write:
My sisterıs (former?) classmate is a customer whom I regularly meet on Saturdays.
Do you plan to meet her every Saturday, or does she come to your workplace on her own and you see her?
2. tns: Did your supervisor leave? If so, he is no longer working for the company, so the tense is wrong: who had been working...
4. prep: The customer to whom I gave the fight (?) ticket on Monday
5. Is the fax machine new, or is the office new? According to the sentence, the office is new. Instead of describing the state (BE + adj), describe the action: My office fax machine, which is brand new, broke down today.
6. This is an [adv cl of time]. Use a [rel adj cl]
7 ww, wf: a place where I could find it
8 sg: Program
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Date: Wed Nov 17
2004 8:54 pm
Author: Pham, Hoang kim <hoangyenn2002@yahoo.com>
7. Subject: My job in the past (jewelry store)
1- My brother's jewelry store, [where I worked ], was located in a center of Sai Gon City, Viet Nam.2- My sister-in-law is the kind of person [whom I have admired and believed very much in doing business. 3- At the beginning she didn't have any experience about jewelry business [in which I thought any owner have to know about designing or making different styles of jewelry]. 4- A man, whose name is Hoa, was hired to work as an advertiser in her store. 5-The model of earing and ring ,[designed by Hoa], were an old fashion. 6- Our store didn't have many customers in the first year; therefore, my sister-in-law had to look for a new worker [ whose designs are more contemporary]. 7- As a result, we have gotten more customers [who were interested in new worker's jewelry design], and my sister was very happy. 8- My sister-in-law, Phuong, [whom I worked together for five years], finally I didn't work there anymore [when I decided to immigate to the U.S.]
1. ww: the center of Saigon
tns: Is it still located there or is it gone?
2. [whom I have admired] is okay but is that the right tense? Do you still admire her or not? [believed very much in doing business] doesnıt make sense.
3. ww, art: experience in the jewelry business. The rel cl does not make sense and has several errors of sva, ww.
sva: owner has to know. ww: owner should know
What does ³in which² mean? Perhaps you mean ³ business, for which an owner should know how to design different styles of jewelry.² However, a store owner does not need to be a designer so Iım not sure this is logical. In any case, the rel cl is NR.
4. This rel cl is definitely restrictive no commas. There are many men!
5.sp, ww, pl cn, art wf errors! The earrings and rings designed by Hoa were old-fashioned. This is an adj phr, not an adj cl, and it must be res, not NR.
6. tns: were
7. We? You are not in Saigon anymore! You do not work at that store anymore.
Time frame? have gotten.. are, is.
8. It is strange that Phuongıs name is not mentioned until sentence 8. Use her name in sentence 2. The structure of this sentence is seriously faulty. What is the verb of the subject ³sister-in-law²? The grammar of the rel cl is also faulty. ³Whom² is the object of what preposition? None. There is no preposition in your clause. You must use ³with²: [whom I worked with] or [with whom I worked] to be grammatically correct. However, there is no reason to repeat this information. It should be included in sentence 1 [where I worked for five years]. The rest of the sentence has too many errors to fix easily. There are no error-free sentences.
5/20
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Date: Thu Nov 18
2004 12:51 am
Author: Pham, Jenny <jennypham@comcast.net>
8. Subject: Real estate accountant
1. What does ³this² refer to? No noun was mentioned previously.
sp: accountant
This is an [adv cl of time]. Use a [rel adj cl]
2. error: office [that is located]
3. wf: an
4. wrong time frame, missing prep., sp, ww: [from whom I can learn a log about real estate]
5. wrong order, NR: Carlos, [who is my boss], has a CPA license. OR Carlos, [who has a CPA license], is my boss. Put the main idea in the main clause (IC).
6. sp: commercial
7. art: a garage [that is
8. No [n cl] NOT [adj cl]
There are no error-free sentences with relative adjective clauses.
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Date: Thu Nov 18
2004 11:28 am
Author: Tran, Thai <thaitran@covad.net>
9. Subject: My Job in the Past (pharmacist)
1-[Before I came to the U.S.], I used to be a pharmacist in France.
2- Everyone [who wants to become a pharmacist in France] has to pass a competitive examination and attend a six year study.
3-The pharmacy [where I worked] was one of the biggest pharmacies in France.
4-However, it was not a franchise pharmacy such as Walgreen or Long drug [which is common in the U.S. but not permitted in France].
5- My boss, [whose dream was developing rapidly his pharmacy], was an intelligent and hard-working person.
6-My colleagues, [most of whom were female], were very kind and helpful.
7-[When people got sick], they came to the pharmacy for medicines and advice.
8-Sometime, they confided to me their worries of everyday life [that concerned their jobs or families].
The title is vague what kind of job?
1. This is an [adv cl of time]. Use a [rel adj cl]
2. compound adj: a six-year program of study
4. sp: Walgreens, Longs Drugs
NR, sva: , [which are common]
5. wo, wf: was to develop his pharmacy rapidly (inf of purpose)
7. This is an [adv cl of time]. Use a [rel adj cl]
8. ww: Sometimes. ww: confided in me
Six sentences use relative adjective clauses well.
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Date: Thu Nov 18
2004 3:03 pm
Author: Gebra, Negussu <negawlachew@yahoo.com>
10. Subject: My job at Cntury Theater
1-The Century Theater [which found in San Jose] is the biggest movie house in the Bay Area.
2-Mrs.Rebica,[who is my boos], has M.S degree in Management.
3-The ticket[ whose customer bought] must be tears by the ticket taker.
4-The door [ that found in the main entrance] is the biggest of all.
5-I got some experience[ from whom I had trained about customer service.]
6-The Century Theater[ where I work ]has 1 big screen and 2 small screen.
7-[When the new movie release,]we will be busy.
8-Mr.Bill, [who has BMW car], is a general manager of Century Theater 22, in San Jose.
The title needs use correct spelling and capitalization.
1. NR: use commas. ww: , [which is located in],
2. art: an M.S. degree (sg cn)
3. Both the IC and DC are faulty. The ticket [that a customer buys] must be torn by the ticket taker.
4. Donıt use a rel cl to describe this door. The main entrance door is
5. I donıt understand this sentence; I canıt suggest a revision.
6. Should this be restrictive or NR? sp: one, two. pl: screens
7. [adv cl of time] not [adj cl]. In the adv cl, art: a new movie (any movie). wf: is released.
IC tns: we are busy (general truth)
8. Bill is a personıs first name. Donıt use a title (Mr, Mrs, etc.) with a first name; use a title with a last name. The BMW is not related to the topic of your job. It is out of place.
def art: the general manager.
There are many sentences [that are not about your job]. Some sentences use relative adjective clauses correctly, but haf do not.
12/20
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Date: Thu Nov 18 2004 5:46 pm
Author: Chu, Hoang <hchuq@yahoo.com>
1. McDonald [, where I have a job there,] is a famous fast food restaurant. 2. My works [that is in a chain of preparing foods] usually require the speed. 3. [Whenever my schedule is in the morning], my duty is to rearrange the frozen foods [, which are delivered by a long trailer truck,] inside the freezer. 4. Working at a low temperature condition [, which has taken a lot of my energy,] is a big challenge. 5. One of my coworker [, whose name is Allan,] helps me to bring back my energy after an hour in the freezer because he always hands me a hot cup of coffee and something to eat from MacDonaldıs kitchen. 6. When I serve customers [who make their order at the counter,] I carefully listen to what they want in their meal and register [in where cookers can see]. 7. Even though I am working for a minimum wage at McDonald, I enjoy working with Allan [from whom I am able to identify its value] has his kindness. 8. Truthfully, my physical body [, which is limited,] regularly suffered from McDonald job; I always try to bring home the happiness.
The title does not show proper ownership or relationship: My Job at McDonaldıs.
1. sp, wo, NR: McDonaldıs, [where I am working], is a famous fast food restaurant. (focus on restaurant)
Better: I am working at McDonalds, which is a famous fast food restaurant. (focus on your job)
Put the main idea in the main clause (IC).
2. Iım not sure what this means. ww, NR, ww, sva, art.
My job, [which is to prepare food in an assembly line (?)] usually requires speed.
3. The first DC is an [adv cl of time] not [adj cl]. The second one is a good [adj cl].
4. ww: in a low-temperature environment
tns: gen truth? [which takes]
5. one of p. cn: coworkers. sp: McDonaldıs
6. ww, pl: [who give their orders]
I donıt understand the meaning of this: register [in where cookers can see].
7. sp: McDonaldıs
I donıt understand the meaning of this: Allan [from whom I am able to identify its value] has his kindness. Do you mean: I enjoy working with Allan ,[whose kindness I enjoy]. NR.
8. ww, tns, sp, wf, art. Show contrast between the two clauses with ³although² or ³however²:
Although my physical strength, [which is limited], suffers from my job at McDonaldıs, I always try to bring home happiness. OR My physical strength, [which is limited], suffers from my job at McDonaldıs; however, I always try to bring home happiness.
All of the sentences are related to your job. Some use relative adjective clauses correctly. Major and minor errors are evident in all sentences. Learn to spell your companyıs name accurately.
12/20
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Date: Thu Nov 18
2004 6:15 pm
Author: Ly, Yen <yensontin@yahoo.com>
Title: ³My Job.² is vague.. What is your job
title?
Use square brackets, not curly brackets.
1. NR. Use a pair of commas around the rel cl.
Donıt use a comma between two compound elements (e.g., verb phrases) speaks three languages and teachesOOPS! wrong tense! has taught at UCSF for a long time.
This sentence is not about your job. What is your job? What do you do?
2. The rel cl is missing a verb. [that is located next]
This sentence is about your boss. Write about YOUR job. What do you do?
3. replace = VT. substitute = VI: replace my coworker/ substitute for my coworker. How many pregnant coworkers do you have? If only one, then this rel cl is NR; use commas.
4. ww: in. def art: the lab.
The rel cl is missing a verb. [that is located next to OR between(?)]
5. ww. The lab [where I work] OR the lab [in which I work]
wf: contains
ncn: equipment
wf, adv: every day
You have not explained what kind of lab you work in (computer lab? physics lab? chemistry lab? art lab? photo lab? ESL lab?)
6. You have not stated your job or occupation. What powder? powder for what? what kind of powder? measure the exact amount of each ingredient?
What does this mean: take the mode? Do you mean mold?
ww, wf: a patient (?) who wants
I donıt understand: to do the danger or bridge
7. Certainly itıs not THE only such building. indef: a building
ww: the most advanced systems
ncn: equipment
8. adv cl: [when I first came to work at this office].This sentence is not really about your job. Major and minor errors are evident in all sentences. There are no error-free sentences.
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Date: Thu Nov 18
2004 6:26 pm
Author: Kim, Moonjung <mkaileen@sbcglobal.net>
13. Subject: My future job LVN
1. To get an education, I had to wait this spring, [when my daughter reached 3 years old.]
2. Now, I am a student of Mission College, [which is located in Santa Clara, CA.]
3. Mission College, [where I belong,] is a community college [that provides career training programs as well as academic courses.]
4. I want to major in Vocational Nursing to be an LVN [that stands for Licensed Vocational Nurse.]
5. An LVN [whose job is helping physicians or registered nurses] is a growing career.
6. One of neighbors in my apartment is a nurse [from whom Iıve got lots of information.]
7. The neighbor [who I mentioned] has also graduated from Mission College.
8. I have gained the courage [that I can be a nurse] from her.
Subject: adv art: job as an LVN. Capitalize content words: N, V, Adj, Adv.. Use lower case for function words.
1. prep: wait until
This is an [adv cl of time]. Use a [rel adj cl]
4. NR: LVN, [which]
5. NR: use a pair of commas. wf. A nurse is not a career. Nursing is a career.
6. def art: One of the pl cn.
pp: gotten
7. obj pron {whom I mentioned]
tns: graduated
8. ³nurse from her² does not make sense. Move the prep phr and change the words: From her, I have gained confidence [that I can become a nurse.l
be = stative/nonaction v. become = action v.
Good. All of the sentences are related to your future job as a nurse. Most relative adjective clauses are used correctly.
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Date: Thu Nov 18
2004 6:35 pm
Author: Quach, Huong Ngoc <huongquach82@yahoo.com>
1. I would like to be a nurse [who takes care of patients and helps them get over their illness].
2. Nowadays, many people want to be a nurse [when the demand of nurses is decreasing in the society].
3. Theresa Tran, [whom I met in EOPS office], advised me to choose another career unless I want to be a nurse for the right reasons.
4. The motivation [that makes many people want to become a nurse] is the steadiness and good payment of this job.
5. Pediatric nursing, [which takes care of infants and children and helps them get over their diseases], is my desired job in future.
6. Passion and patience are necessary for a nurse dealing with the patients [whose temper wonıt be nice during their illness].
7. The work environment of nurses maybe varies from clinics, hospitals, private homes and nursing homes, [where elderly is cared for].
8. When my English is better, Iıll work as a volunteer in a hospital or a clinic [thatıll give me some useful experience for my future job].
1. Iif you write this as a restrictive relative clause it means that there are nurses who do not take care of patients or help them get over their illnesses. Is this what you mean? If all/most nurses take care of patients, then the clause should be NR, with a comma.
2. This is an [adv cl of time]. Use a [rel adj cl]
BTW, isnıt the need for nurses increasing? I have read reports that we need more nurses.
3. def art: the EOPS office
5. wf. Nursing does not take care of anyone. Nurses do. P nurses, [who take] desired occupation
6. ³nice² is vague. Can you find more precise words? See ch 13 on adjectives.
7. wf, ww: may vary among
art, sva: the elderly are / elderly people are
8. Can you find a more precise word for ³better²?
Good. All of the sentences are related to your future job as a nurse. Most relative adjective clauses are used correctly.
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Date: Thu Nov 18
2004 7:57 pm
Author: Chen, Hui <huichen100@yahoo.com>
15. Subject: I worked at a Pharmacy in the Past
1. I worked at a pharmacy department in a hospital [that is one of the biggest hospitals in Beijing].
2. Ms. Yan, [who retired two years ago], was the manager of our department.
3. Our department has four groups [which are pharmacy, pharmaceutical preparation, pharmaceutical research and pharmaceutical store].
4. The pharmacy [which has about forty people] is the largest group in our department.
5. Now, the group leader of the pharmacy is Ms. Chen, [whose husband works at the pharmaceutical research group].
6. I worked with a pharmacist [from whom I learned a lot of knowledge about the medicine].
7. The people [who work at the pharmacy] need taking turns to work at a special pharmacy in the emergency room [where opens twenty-four hours a day].
8. [When I was in China], I worked at the pharmacy for four years.
1. ww: in a dept.
2. This sentence is not about you or your job.
3. tns: had .This word is weak. Use a strong verb: comprised/was organized in
4. tns: had. This word is weak. Use a strong verb: employed
tns: was
5. Tell about YOUR job. What did you do?
6. ww. gained knowledge.
generic, nonspecific n: about medicine
7. tns. worked, needed
need = VT. needed to take turns
wf: take turns working
rel pron, BE+ adj: emergency room, [which was open] NR
8. [This is an [adv cl of time]. Use a [rel adj cl]
Most relative clauses are grammatical, but the content is not very descriptive of your job. What tasks did you perform while you were working? Also, the sentences must be in the past tense because they are about the past time frame.
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Date: Thu Nov 18
2004 8:22 pm
Author: Le, Giai <giaithanhle@yahoo.com>
1. ww, cap: for the Council on Aging
sp: services, established, Council
wf: elderly people = the elderly
Use a compound restrictive rel cl: agency [that provides health care for the elderly in Santa Clara County, California] and [that was established]
2. wf; experienced (pp -> adj)
UCLA: C = California itıs not necessary to mention the state again.
def art (unique): the chief.
This sentence is not about you and your job.
3. The rel cl lacks a verb: includes
gen truth pres tns? supplies (or is this a temporary action?)
punc: no hyphen
sp Sunnyvale.
def art: the S and C area.
4. the N1 of N2. (See 1 above.)
sva: services have
gen truth pres tns: distributes (or do you mean only in the past?)
wf: disabled (See 2 above.)
5. This is an [adv cl of time]. Use a [rel adj cl]
pl cn: assignments
6. Capitalize content words: N, V, Adj, Adv.. Use lower case for function words.
tns: past? Donıt you enjoy your job anymore?
ww, wrong rel pron, wrong relationship, tns, sp. the Council on Aging, [where I devote my time and my strength to the people I serve.] NR
7. subj rel pron (not obj), prep, art, prep: The staff, [who has been on TV and in the newspaper several times], NR
ww: proud of
the year 2004
What did you do?
8. Check the name of your organization see 1 above.
sp: Stanford, transferred, exercise.
NR: Palo Alto, [where]ı
prep: transferred into our care
n, sva: especially patients [who need]
These are good sentences [that are all related to the organization] [for which you work]. Can you describe the tasks [that you must do] as a physical therapist? Many of the relative adjective clauses [that you wrote] are generally well-structured, but there are numerous errors, as described above.
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Date: Thu Nov 18
2004 8:30 pm
Author: Ohay, Yevheniya <zhenya.ohay@sbcglobal.net>
17. Subject: Photographing - The Job I Desire
1. In the future year, [when I finish my studies], I would like to be an assistant of a photographer.
2. The photographer [whom I want to assist] is my good friend.
3. The camera, [which is required for the work], should have a lot of various functions and it should be easy to use.
4. The other equipment that we need Iıll borrow from my other friend, [who will also help to take pictures].
5. Weıll go together to a place [where we can catch the beautiful scenes of nature].
6. The photographer [whose knowledge Iıll follow] teaches me how to do everything right.
7. How to choose a perfect light, angle, and set up everything correctly are the things [that my friend knows very well].
8. Later Iıll become a great photographer and my work, [to which I will be dedicated completely], will be very popular in the world.
Title: wf: Photographing is an action, not a job. Photography is a job (or a field of work or study).
1. This is an [adv cl of time]. Use a [rel adj cl]
³the future year² is there only onefuture year? No. Indef art: In a future year. OR In the future.
ww: assistant to
Use an adj cl: a photgrapherıs assistant [who does what?]
2. Name?
3. Is there only one camera? No. The rel adj cl is restrictive; itıs essential to describe which camera. The camera [that I prefer to use/that NAME uses for her photography]
punc: IC + comma + IC + period: functions, and
4. [that we need]
5. ww: capture
6. ww. We donıt ³follow knowledge². We follow sbdyıs guidance/lead, follow a path, follow sbdyıs footsteps.
7. def art: the perfect light. Error in parallelism. ³light, angle, and set up² are not parallel. How to the perfect light and angle, and how to
Can you find a more precise vocabulary for these vague words: have, things?
8. punc: IC + comma + IC + period:
Sentence 8 is a lofty goal, and the conclusion seems far-fetched since in the other sentences your goal is to become an assistant, not a photographer. To make your sentences more credible, name your photographer friend and write less about her (him?) as friend than as a professional. Most relative adjective clauses are correct.
17/20
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Date: Thu Nov 18
2004 8:50 pm
Author: Chen, Lin <colineva25@hotmail.com>
1. (When i am still working in a hotel), i have hired as a chef instructor in CCA.
2. CCA, (which is one of the top three culinary schools in the U.S.), is considering one of the best education institute in culinary world.
3. Le Cordon Blue is a world famous culinary program (that started in 1876) in France.
4. CCA (where is located in San Francisco) is one of the Le Cordon Blue school in Northern America.
5. My superviser (who is a executive chef in CCA) came from France.
6. He is one of the best chefs (who used to win a professional award) in culinary industry.
7. He knows another chef (whom used to work with me) in an Inter-continental Hotel.
8. I enjoy the present job (that teaching in CCA) (because it is a challenging job) to me.
Use square brackets [xxx] around relative adjective clauses.
1. tns, cap: I was working as (what position?) This is an [adv cl of time]. Use a [rel adj cl].
cap, voice: I was hired
the chief instructor
ww: at CCA. What is CCA? Donıt use an acronym until after you
have used the full form with the acronym in parentheses. Example: Hewlett
Packard (HP).. HP..
2. wf. BE + pp: is considered
wf: educational (adj)
one of the pl cn: institutes
def art: the world
3. sp: Bleu (French for blue). Stronger vocab, wo: was founded/was established in France in 1876
4. ww. CCA, which is located (subj rel pron). ³where² = ³in that place² San Francisco, where CCA is located, + new idea.
Which do you mean? Northern America = the northern part of the USA. North America = the continent, which includes Canada, the USA, and Mexico.
5. sp: supervisor.
[rel adj cl]= NR; add commas.
6. NR; add commas.
What time frame? Only one award? If so, it cannot be used with the habitual past ³used to win². won many awards?
art. specific industry: the c. industry
7. ww. subj rel pron [who used to]
common noun or proper noun? Refer to the chapter on Nouns, Articles and Determiners for this and other noun phrases in your paragraph.
8. There is no verb in the rel cl. I enjoy my present teaching job because This is an [adv cl of reason]. Use a [rel adj cl]..
Whatıs your supervisorıs name? Give your sentences life, reality, and credibility, by adding details such as this.
14/20
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Date: Thu Nov 18
2004 9:22 pm
Author: Kivrakmir, Ilknur <ilknur_mir@yahoo.com>
19. Subject: My job as a teacher
1. I used to teach children with disabilities [when I was in Turkey].
2. The renal apartment [that I used to live in during my first job] was very close to my work.
3. One of my students [who came from a poor family] was intelligent.
4. Mr. Slomo came to train us about Autistic children from Israel, [which is the smallest country in Middle East].
5. The chief of our board of director was Dr. Aksut, [who has been teaching in a university for 15 years].
6. The student [whom I taught to read and write] is attending high school now.
7. The student [whose mother was a doctor] was hyper active.
8. The school [where I worked as the manager] was a pilot school for special education.
Title: Capitalize content words: N, V, Adj, Adv.
1. This is an [adv cl of time]. Use a [rel adj cl]. Move the adv cl to the front. Add an adj cl to the end: children [who had]
2. sp: rental.
This sentence is not about your job.
3. Was only one student intelligent? Are you sure? Perhaps ³more intelligent than the rest²?
4. lowercase: autistic. The rel adj cl is grammatical, but what is the purpose of telling this fact about the size of Israel? It is not related to your job, and it is not related to autism. Also, did Mr. Slomo come from Israel, or were the autistic children from Israel? Perhaps Mr. Slomo, [who came from Israel], came to Turkey to
5. tns: past perf prog: had been teaching at a u.
6. The only student you taught? If not: A student or One of the students
7. Again, was the hyperactive students identifiable as the only one? Also, was only one studentıs mother a doctor?
The rel adj cl are basically grammatical, but you can see that the meaning of some sentences is not entirely clear or closely related to your job.
17/20
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Date: Thu Nov 18
2004 10:09 pm
Author: Cheruvu, Uma <vkuchibhm@yahoo.com>
20. Subject: About my previous job and my current job
1.My manager was a very good person who encouraged me to learn English.
2.I worked at Macys for several months which is located in Santa Clara.
3.When i was working at Macys i couldn't handle the work preassure.
4.My co worker Nguyen who works so hard is a good friend of mine.
5.malikeh,who comes from Iran,who came from Iran helps me to understand the work attiquete at my work place.
6.My Manager,who came from Turkey, likes Indian food alotand wants to learn Indian cooking.
7.Wworking in hte weekends is very stressful which makes me feel week.
8.Interacting with people is very interesting that teaches me how to get along with people.
Title: Capitalize content words: N, V, Adj, Adv.. Use lower case for function words.
We canıt tell from your vague title what your job is or was. Specify it.
You did not mark any relative adjective clauses between square brackets as instructed.
1. How is this related to your job?
2. ³months which² is poor modification. The rel pron ³which² cannot refer to ³months²; it should refer to ³Macys²² Move the rel cl after the noun it modifies. This is a NR cl because the store is defined by its proper name. This sentence should go first, not the sentence about your manager.
3. There is no rel adj cl!
sp
4. NR adj cl require commas to set it off from the IC.
sp: hyphenate co-worker or spell it coworker.
What does Nguyen do?
5. You did not edit this sentence carefully. Donıt use two rel adj cl.
sp
6. Is this related to your job?
7. Poor spelling, punctuation. NR.
8. ³interesting that² is poor modification. The rel pron ³that² cannot refer to the adj ³interesting². A pronoun must refer to a noun just before it.
Quite a few rel adj clauses are faulty. There is no clear focus for theses sentences. They are not unified on one topic. What is/was your job?
11/20
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Date: Thu Nov 18
2004 10:19 pm
Author: Vu, Hai van <haivu_99@yahoo.com>
21. Subject: my job (Receptionist)
My recent job: Receptionist
Please write your title in the subject line, as instructed. Capitalize all content words.
1. ³Our² is a pronoun. Whom does it refer to? Pronouns refer to previously mentioned nouns. There is no noun prior to ³our². Do mean the company that you and other people own? Do mean the company that you work for?
The first rel clause is probably NR; use commas.
Donıt use commas between the words in the noun phrase ³internet Service Provider².
³The new member² means one specific and unique member. You probably men general, indefinite, nonspecific and plural ³members², donıt you?
everyday =/= adj. every day adv.
2. DC: Major structural error. I donıt understand the rel. cl. The IC is comprehensible and correct.
3. ³As usual² should refer to a previously mentioned procedure; however, you did not mention any such procedure before, so omit this phrase.
Gen. truth verb: signs the contract (no need to use two synonymous phrases)
NR rel cl; use commas.
4. Serious errors in both IC and DC. IC ³Receptionist isnıt easy job.² Receptionist =/= job. Being a receptionist = job, sg cn. a/an + sg cn
[who sitting at the front desk of the company] wf: sits. Reconsider the content of the rel. cl.: make it more relevant to your duties.
5. sp: even though. This DC is an adv cl, not a rel cl.
customer: sg/pl?
complains (vi) about something/an issue
Create a rel cl to modify ³issue²
6. sg/pl subj? Not NR. Restrictive no commas. sva
7. Major errors. Examine the IC. There are too many verbs: ³have² and ³are posted² rewrite the IC so that it is grammatical. Then edit the rel cl.
8. Again, both IC and DC have errors. Articles. Review AEG Chapter 9 Nouns, Articles, and Determiners.
Rel cl: wf: subj pron. ww & tns.
9. serve = vt.
wo. S+VT+Obj + adj . Review AEG Chapter 14 Adverbs
Rel cl lacks a verb: BE + adj
prep: a lot of
wf: possessive: companyıs
Your paragraph should consist of eight sentences, not nine. Revise and include only the eight best sentences. The ideas are very good, but the grammar is not. There is no error-free sentence.
6/20
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Date: Thu Nov 18
2004 10:24 pm
Author: Le, Huyentran thanh <mickeyle75@yahoo.com>
22. Subject: My job as a cashier
1.This is the third job [that I have gotten ] since I came to the United States.
2. Diary Belle, [where I work now], is the American fast food restaurant.
3. Tim, [whose manner is so friendly], is my manager.
4. A cashier is the job [which I like] because I can meet many kinds of people.
5. I have many chances to talk to American customers [whom I can learn Enghlish from ]day by day.
6. I know [how to make many kinds of American food now]
7. My friend [who encourages me a lot] speaks Enghlish very well.
8. When I get order from my customers, I usually repeat their orders to avoid making mistakes.
Capitalize all content words in the title.
1. ³This² is a pronoun. What does it refer to? Pronouns refer to previously mentioned nouns. There is no noun prior to ³This². Revise the sentence, or the sentence order within the paragraph/group of sentences.
2. Art. It is certainly not the only f. f. restaurant. Donıt use def. art. ³the²ı; Use indef. art ³an².
3. Use ³so² when you tell the result: ³so friendly that² Otherwise, use ³very.²
4. cashier =/= job. Cashiering = job. Review definite and indefinite articles in AEG Chapter 9 Nouns, Articles, and Determiners.
5. Do you want this rel cl to be restrictive or NR? If you mean that you can learn English from all (or most) American customers, then it is NR. If you learn from only some customers, then itıs restrictive. Whatıs the punctuation for each?
sp
6. This is a n cl, not a rel cl
7. Do you want this rel cl to be restrictive or NR? ACK! Please spell the word English correctly!!!
8. order = sg cn. This is an adv cl, not a rel cl.
All the sentences are related to your job. There are six relative clauses. Review the instructions about writing eight rel cl, including NR cl.
14/20
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Date: Thu Nov 18
2004 10:50 pm
Author: Ivkovic, Sofija <sofija@sbcglobal.net>
1. I worked once on the job[that I really liked].
2. I worked in a building with other people [who did the same job].
3. I had a friend at work [whom I helped] whenever she needed help.
4. I met a lot of people at my job [which I liked very much].
5. Those were people [whose stories I presented to the audience].
6. I quitted my job[when I got a baby].
7. There is a few areas [where is possible for me now to find a job].
8. A journalist, [who came to The United States from a foreigner country], had to learn the English language first.
1. ww: job, field, or career? The sentence is grammatical, but the content is weak. What is the job, field, or career?
2. Again, this is grammatical, but not very informative.
3. Try to put the rel cl after the n it modifies: At work, I had a friend [whom I helped] Does that mean you did not help other people?
4. NR. This is is the fourth sentence, and you still have not expressed what the job is, what your job responsibilities are, what field it is in, etc.
5. You should distinguish between the people at your workplace and the people whom you interviewed to get information for stories.
6. wf: quit (irreg). This DC is an adv cl of time, not a rel cl.
ww: have a baby=bear (get=obtain)
7. IC: sva. DC: subj? wo
8. restrictive cl. No cap: the. wf: adj + n.
How is this sentence related to your job?
These sentences are mostly grammatical, but they lack details to make them informative or interesting to the reader. If I had not read your previous writing, I would not have been able to guess that you are probably referring to writing stories for a newspaper. Remember, grammar is not for grammarıs sake. It should be used to communicate ideas effectively.
15/20
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Date: Thu Nov 18
2004 10:56 pm
Author: Vu, Jenny <tuyetmaivu@hotmail.com>
24. Subject: A Dental Assistant.
1. I worked for a Dental office [that took care of teeth]
2. [when i got my certified Dental Assistant two years ago],I had found my job on time.
3. My boss,[ who graduated a D.D.S from San Francisco University],her office is a small that opened on ten years ago.
4. I was her patient.She is my dentist, [whom had intervieweed and taught me how could I do a dental assistant].
5. My office, [which has two treatment rooms and one toy room]. The kids can play at a toy room [that is a good idea to keep them busy and my boss can do her job].
6. Huong Nguyen, [Whose my partner was been in office over five years], she is a wonderful person.
7. Office hours by appointment, [if unable to keep appointment kindly give twenty-four hours notice], but we don't accept any phone call to canel appointment before fifteen minutes.
8. I love my job, [because I can meet a lot of great patients]. All as all, my boss, [who gave me a big impression on me]. We are a sister to sister.
Punc: Remove the period from the title.
1. tns: past or general truth time frame?
common: dental.
final punctuation
2. This DC is an adverbial clause of time, not a relative clause.
IC tns = past.
ww: ³on time² = punctual. It does not make sense here.
3. Major errors. IC: What is the subject and verb? What is the complement? prep. error.
DC: There is no institution with that name. Do you mean the University of California at San Francisco or the University of San Francisco? (Probably the former.)
ww: earned a D.D.S. degree
4. Major errors. This is not one sentence. tns: past time frame.
DC: subj pron. sp. wo. ww. how I could become
5. Major errors. This is not one sentence.
6. Major errors. Neither the IC nor the DC is grammatically correct.
7. Major errors. Neither the IC nor the DC is grammatically correct.
8. Major errors. This is not one sentence.
ESL940GW and ESL950G address the problems of basic sentence structure; these are courses that may be more suitable for you. I recommend that you find a tutor to help you one-on-one.
4/20
editmarsha
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Date: Thu Nov 18
2004 10:58 pm
Author: Islam, Jemimi <jeminiislam@hotmail.com>
25. Subject: MY Job to Teach Pre-K.
Teaching Pre-K
1. [When I was in Bangladesh], I used to teach in an Elementary School.
2. The school, in [which I was teaching], is considered as one of the best childrenıs school in the country.
3. The school, [which consists of five buildings, a big play field and lots of big trees], was very near to my home.
4. [Since it was very close to my home], I used to go to work by walking.
5. [When I was teaching there], I used to feel very happy by seeing innocent children and their happy face.
6. My work, [which was full of excitements and lots of activities], was to teach children whose age was between 3 to 5 years.
7. All the co-workers and the working environments of [that school, was very friendly and enjoyable].
8. [When I will go to visit my country], I will definitely visit to my previous work place.
Write the title, Teaching Pre-K, in the Subject line. What does K stand for? Donıt use an abbreviation until after you have used the full form.
1. This is an [adv cl of time]. Use a [rel adj cl].
common nouns no caps
2. [in which]
one of pl cn
3. near my home
4. This is an [adv cl of time]. Use a [rel adj cl].
5. This is an [adv cl of time]. Use a [rel adj cl].
6. excitement=ncn. [whose age] is also a rel cl
7. environment=ncn. ³that school² is NOT part of a rel cl. ³that² Thereıs no rel cl.
8. This is an [adv cl of time]; tns: pres. Use a [rel adj cl]. IC visit = VT.
The sentence grammar is not bad overall, but you used only three relative clauses, and all three of them use ³which². Review the instructions and criteria.
8/20
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Date: Thu Nov 18
2004 11:03 pm
Author: Taina, Javier <javiertaina@yahoo.com>
26. Subject: my job at Denny's restaurant
1. My previous job was at Denny's, [where I learned more about American food.]
2. My duties were to check out customers[who paid after eating their meals.
3. At Denny's I met an African-American waiter [whose specialty was being a waiter.]
4. My Manager use to recommend me, [that if we wanted customer to come back], we should give them the best attention we can.
5. Because of the environment, [that was usually talking to everybody.] I had the chance to improve my speaking skills.
6. I had a very outgoing manager,[ from whom I learned how to treat people and make them fell good].
7. After working for 6 months,[ in which I learned a lot about customer service.] I found another job in a buffet restaurant
8. Working at Denny's was a very god experience [ in which I learned more to work as a team group].
Title: Capitalize content words: N, V, Adj, Adv.. Use lower case for function words.
1. more than what? For a comparative adj, the comparison must be evident.
2. ww: check out = ? examine them? take their payment? check to see if their receipts match their purchases? Were you a cashier?
3. To avoid repeating the same word, use a synonymous phrase: waiting tables/waiting on dining customers.
4. Donıt capitalize common nouns. Review AEG Chapter 12 Punctuation.
5. In the rel cl, use ³in which² =in that environment. NR.
6. ww: feel =/= fell
7. sp six
punc. no period in the rel cl. period at the end of the whole sent.
8. ww: god =/= good
Rel cl: try a different structure: experience [that gave me a chance
Good sentences about your former job. Good relative clauses.
18/20
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Date: Mon Nov 22
2004 8:27 pm
Author: Tran, Phong Thanh <typf142@yahoo.com>
Title: Capitalize content words: N, V, Adj, Adv.
1. ww: Since.
sp: maintain v, maintenance n
Use ³so² when you tell the result: ³so many that² Otherwise, omit ³so.²
2. [when] = adv cl
Use cc ³and² between the two rel cl.
wo: is also
ww: at.. companyı
3. specific ability: the ability to
ww. filll airplanes with fuel
Simple sent., not complex w/ rel cl.
4. ww: beside =/= besides.
understand = VT => to learn about the operation
Iıım not sure what the purpose of the first relative clause is. Either clarify or omit it.
had (non-action)=> got (action)
5. See previous comment.
The DC is awkward and hard to comprehend; revise it and omit unnecessary words.
There is no rel. cl. here, This is a n. cl.
6. Again, this is a n. c., not a rel. cl.
Some sentences are very well-written, but they do not all fulfill the requirements. Reread the directions. 4 days late.
12-4 = 8/20