Paragraph with Relative
Clauses and Adjective Phrases
1. Compose an academically written paragraph of 150-175 words using different action verbs in any time frame. Add details to your writing using relative adjective clauses (subject relative clauses, object relative clauses, and object relative clauses with prepositions; restrictive and nonrestrictive clauses) and adjective phrases, as well as other grammar we've studied. Refer to the grammar in Chapter 10 and check your writing with the Writing Checklist. For topic suggestions, look at the end of the chapters.
2. Include a variety of sentence types (simple, compound,
complex, compound-complex) in the paragraph. Incorporate the grammar and
structures presented thus far in Grammar Sense (nouns and noun modifiers;
articles and other determiners; quantifiers; gerunds and infinitives).
Post your composition to the Discussion Forum for this chapter. Type a suitable
title in the Subject Line of your message; capitalize the content words (N, V, Adj, Adv).
3. Examine the vocabulary in your writing by copying and pasting your sentences in the Web Vocabulary Profiler at the Compleat Tutor. Strive to include at least 5% words from the Academic Word List (AWL), which are shown in yellow. Below your paragraph, write the number of words and the percentages for K1, K2, AWL and Off-list vocabulary.
Correction
Symbols for Online Classes
11/14/2014
In 1987, after our marriage[1] my husband and I had[2] a decision open[3] a watch shop although we didnŐt have a lot of money. Formerly, my husband was a watch-maker for his boss[4] who was owner[5] of the largest watch shop in Saigon City. When we just had a tiny shop[6] which was in Saigon City there are[7] about forty watch display[8], but we are7 determined to do everything for[9] develop our shop become[10] larger one[11]. While we carry[12] on business[13] we usually made the prestige[14] for our customers. So[15] we had[16] a lot of royal[17] customers [18] whom we sell[19] new watches for many years. On the other hand[20], we established a concern[21] with the famous watch companies which[22] made[23] in Swiss[24] and Japan. Now we are dealer[25] for many famous watch companies[26] for example: Longiness, Titoni, Tissot, Seiko, [27]CitizenÉ.[28] Nowadays, we have some watches that[29] in the Centre Business[30] of Saigon City. The[31] our business is smooth and successful although we are absent frequent[32] at[33] there. In my opinion, in our life irrespective of job[34][35] if we work hard and [36]determined to do everything[37] for result[38] we will success[39]. The most important is the[40] prestige[41].
The topic is suitable, and this paragraph uses many relative clauses, but some are non-restrictive and need to be punctuated properly. Review restrictive vs. NR clauses, and review the use of commas following DCs. This paragraph lacks adjective phrases (See #1). Verb tense, word form, word choice errors need to be eliminated. Your use of "prestige" is incorrect, and I cannot guess what you mean. I marked 41 errors, which is excessive in an advanced grammar class. There is not even one error-free sentence in the whole paragraph. Use the comments in the footnotes to guide your revision. 196 words exceeds the limit. The academic vocabulary established job display.amounts to only 1.52%, far below the target of 5%. You failed to include any vocabulary data as required in #3 despite the fact that I have urged you to do so in my comments on all of your previous writing assignments. Do you pay attention to my comments about your writing? You replied negatively when I invited you to come to my office for help. Have you gone to tutoring for help? Have you used the services of Smarthinking?
11/16/2014
Vietnam, which is situated South of China, is famous by[42] its tourism industry. In fact, with its geographical shape with a letter S facing to[43] [44]Pacific Ocean, VietnamŐs coastlines host various beautiful beaches which attract millions of visitors a year. Those beaches whose names are Mui Ne, Nhatrang, Da Nang, Ha Long BayÉ[45]are well-known to tourists in the world. There, the sun is strong and the water is warm including[46] the richness in natural landscapes that gives a strong point to[47] Vietnam tourism. Therefore[48] the Vietnamese government has taken many measures thatpromote[49] its tourism industry to cope with[50] the situation. Most importantly, there are numerous 5- [51]star hotels and resorts which were created along the beaches to offer tourists enjoying[52] beautiful scenery, tasty sea-food and excellent services without worries. Besides, according to Mr. Hung[53] who is the director of Saigon Tourist agency, [54]number of tourists in the past few years helped[55] Vietnam recover its poor economy considerably.
This paragraph does a very good job of incorporating
relative clauses and, at 159 words, is of the appropriate length. The overall sentence
structure is quite good. Review restrictive vs. non-restrictive clauses and
punctuate them accordingly. This paragraph lacks adjective phrases (See #1).
One possibility: Éhotels and resorts
created alongÉ. The academic vocabulary considerably
created economy recover.amounts to only 2.52%, far below the target of
5%. You failed to include any vocabulary data as required in #3 despite the
fact that I have urged you to do so in my comments on all of your previous
writing assignments. Do you read my comments about your writing? Click on the
footnotes to see further comments to guide your revision.
11/16/2014
To Kill a Mockingbird , which I am reading at[58] ESL970RV, is very good for studying. The book was written by Harper Lee, who told the stories which [59]based on her observation[60] when she was 10 years old. I like the book whose[61] interesting stories attract me. The author didnŐt only tell about issues of class, courage, compassion or[62] gender roles, but she also addressed race in America in which[63] discrimination was always [64]negative topic. That was [65]attitude of the white American[66] in treatment[67] with[68] the Nigger[69][70] whom they considered as[71] claves[72]. Therefore, these niggers69 didnŐt have [73]voice in [74]community of the white American, even[75] they didnŐt have a right to protect by[76] themselves. I feel a[77] pity for them. After reading this book, I have learned useful lessons that emphasize tolerance and decry prejudice. That is also a reason why this book is widely taught in high schools in the United States.
80.9280.923.9584.876.5891.458.55100.00
This paragraph does a very good job of incorporating
relative clauses and, at 154 words, is an acceptable length. The sentence
structure is quite good. Note that whose
should modify a person or animate object: The
character whose courage impresses me the most is ____. This paragraph lacks
adjective phrases (See #1). One possibility: Éhotels and resorts created alongÉ. The academic vocabulary is
6.58%, reaching the target of at least 5%. You included the vocabulary data as
required. http://dictionary.reference.com
explains "The term nigger is now
probably the most offensive word in English. Its degree of offensiveness has
increased markedly in recent years, although it has been used in a derogatory
manner since at least the Revolutionary War." In To Kill a Mockingbird, notice how this term is used in a very
pejorative way by people who despise black people. It's better to avoid using
it in order not to offend others. Review Ch7 Articles and Other Determiners. Click
on the footnotes to see further comments to guide your revision.
11/16/2014
The capital of China ,Beijing, which is the most popular city
there[78].
The best time that[79] visit[80]
Beijing is spring. For[81]
the weather of that time is very good ,neither too hot nor too cold. The wind
which[82]
from[83]
warm spring will make you fell[84]
happiness[85].
People who[86]
want to visit Beijing because they love this kind of feeling and cultural
inheritance[87].If
you want to have a[88] enjoyable
trip, I propose you visit to[89]
the Great Wall, the Summer Palace, and the Olympic Park. When you feel tired
after [90]whole
day's trip, you can taste a kind of traditional noodle, which[91]
with fried bean[92] and meat sauce.Also there are many other things you can do in
Beijing which as[93] shopping in
the big shopping mall and visit[94]
the different kinds [95]park[96].
Beijing, which is the second largest city after Shanghai in China[97]
also has hosted[98] the 2008 Summer
Olympics. It is a major transportation hub, with dozens of railways, roads and
motorways passing through the city[99].
This paragraph is filled with
non-sentences. Relative pronouns are thrown here and there without regard to
meaning. There are at least 20 errors. Did you watch my lectures or do the
textbook exercises? You clearly did not submit the online exercises, which were
due two weeks before this composition was due. In fact, your online practice
submissions from Chapters 4-13 are all zero (0). Unless you demonstrate that
you have studied the lesson beforehand, I am not likely to spend time reading
and responding to your future writing assignments.
6 Ways to Avoid Plagiarism http://en.writecheck.com/ways-to-avoid-plagiarism/
11/16/2014
Hangzhou, which is
a famous national historic and cultural city, is the capital
of Zhejiang province. Marco Polo, who was a Venetian merchant traveler,
called Hangzhou the most distinguished and beautiful city in the world.
Hangzhou had[100] an estimated
population of 1.6 million[101] whom[102] stress[103] the life quality[104]. The city is
linked to central China by an extensive network of canals[105]. Xihu，which
is in the western section of the city, covers an area of 566 km. The famous
poet Su Dongpo, who was prefect of Hangzhou during
the Northern Song Dynasty, described the charming scenery of the Xihu in many of his poems. During the Southern Song
Dynasty, the Xihu area was part of the imperial
residence. Xiao Yingzhou Island consists of just one
embankment separating a small lake from Xihu[106]. The Nine Arches
Bridge is the island's major attraction. Baochu Ta,
which was erected from 969---976, is situated on the north of Xihu. It was restored in 1933, and the present structure is
45.3 m high and made of bricks.
(172 words)
K1 68.02%
K2 6.98%
AWL 7.56%
Off-List 17.44%
This paragraph is a suitable topic and contains many good examples of relative clauses but no adjective phrases. However, much of the language is lifted from tourist sites. I footnoted some, but not all of the plagiarized wording. Plagiarism is a serious offense. The course syllabus clearly states: COLLEGE POLICY ON CHEATING: Dishonesty includes but is not limited to in-class cheating, out-of-class cheating, plagiarism, knowingly assisting another student in cheating or plagiarism, or knowingly furnishing false information to college staff, faculty, administrators or other officials. Dishonesty may result in an F in the course. Refer to the Academic Regulations and Standards on page 172 of the Mission College 2013-2015 Catalog. 6 Ways to Avoid Plagiarism http://en.writecheck.com/ways-to-avoid-plagiarism/
11/17/2014
Life is full of stress whatever[108]
you agree or not[109]. The
stressor could be employment, finance, parenting or relationship of family. If
we[110]
cannot cope with these stress[111], which
will harm our health[112].
First, the immune system will be led to a breakdown by stress,[113]
in other words, stress can weaken the immune system[114] which
influnces[115]
our physical health. Second, stress puts people at [116]higher
risk for coronary heart disease, which has proved[117]
by scientists. Recent studies have shown a clear relationship that
stress makes an increased risk of coronary heart [118].
Third, stress will increase[119]
the risk of cancer[120] which
is affected by immune system. Furthermore, stress may impact the
effectiveness of cancer treatments. Fortunately, one study has found that
work-related stress does not appear to be linked to develop[121]
cancer, which makes people who are aware of work stress disburden[122].
Due to the fact[123],
we should face and decrease our stress[124] which
we cannot[125]
ignore in order to keep day-to –day health.
(words 164)
|
K1 |
72% |
|
K2 |
7% |
|
AWL |
12% |
|
Off-list |
9% |
This is a paragraph about an academic subject with
plenty of academic vocabulary, 12%, according to the vocabulary data that was
properly included with the paragraph of a proper length, 168 words. It has
well-sequenced structure and includes numerous non-restrictive relative clauses
with which, only some of which are
properly punctuated. Several non-sentences are fragments containing missing
either an IC or a complete DC. There are no adjective phrases. Click on the
footnotes to see further comments to guide your revision.
11/17/14
Dealing with the challenges of the daily life[127]
however[128]
it is not easy to identify a method or ability to handle stressful situations. Important[129]
is that you have a concept not to get [130]caught
up in the hustle and bustle of life that you forget to take care of your
own needs. Set aside relaxation time for reading a book, taking a bath and go[131]
for a walk. While you are contacting and meeting friends or relatives is[132]
an important factor for you mind and soul to relax. Although exercising in a
consistency way is another important factor too[133].
Having eaten[134] a healthy
diet is helping[135] to
managing[136]
your weight. But[137] to handle
the daily life and challenge your day laugh[138],
smiling and having humors[139]
can be changing[140] the life
in a positive way. Laughing in your life is very important it can change a lot
through your day[141]. If you
are relaxed you can handle the challenges everyday[142]
better.[143]
|
Current profile |
|
|
K1 |
82.39 |
|
K2 |
5.66 |
|
AWL |
9.43 |
|
Off-list |
2.52 |
This paragraph suffers from serious sentence boundary errors. It begins with a run-together "sentence," strings of words that are stuck together without a grammatical foundation. It is hard (impossible) to find where each idea begins and ends. Other sentences are fragments. They are also missing required elements (S or V), making the meaning unclear. Make sure each clause has a S+Vi or S+Vt+O. See some suggestions in the footnotes. Besides following direction #2, you should consider the meaning of your title. Managing Stress in Daily Life or Managing the Challenges of Daily Life. The number of words, 160, which you neglected to write, is sufficient for this assignment, and the academic vocabulary surpasses the target. You need to come back to my office hours for help, or go to the ASC for tutoring, or get assistance from Smarthinking online.
11/17/2014
I set a goal for myself to eat raw oysters when my husband accompanied I[144] to visit Tomi Seafood Buffet[145] where I often have dinner[146]. My husband like[147] eating raw oysters,[148] in contrast, I was almost fearful of eating raw oysters. Despite[149] my husband told me it was yummy, I still didn't dare to eat them. I imagined that I put[150] the oyster that may be alive into my mouth[151] hence[152] I feared them. In fact, I hoped that I could eat them and got[153] over my fear. First, I selected an oyster whose shell was beautiful, and then [154]detached it from the shell. Next, I squeezed some lemon [155]on the oyster I would eat. Finally, I closed my eyes, and put it in my mouth. I got over my fear of eating raw oysters, which made me fairly excited. Obviously[156], I loved the taste of oyster in my mouth. In conclusion, eating raw oyster[157] was one of my[158] greatest experiences in my life.
160 words
|
Current profile |
|
|
K1 |
76.97 |
|
K2 |
7.88 |
|
AWL |
5.45 |
|
Off-list |
9.70 |
It is difficult for me to believe this was one of the greatest experiences in your life. There's not enough detail to support a conclusion so extreme. More specific imagery after you put the oyster in your mouth might be more persuasive. Nevertheless, the paragraph is well-written in many parts. The biggest problem is sentence boundaries. See how to correct comma splice and run-on errors on my Correction Symbols web page. You used an admirable variety of relative clauses, but there are no adjective phrases. You included vocabulary data, reached the goal of 5% AWL, and kept the length within the limit.
11/14/14
A good national leader plays a very crucial role to prosper a country. In my opinion, the most important qualities for an ideal leader representing a nation to have[159] are such qualities as integrity, farsightedness, and concern for country. First, a good national leader should be honest. We have seen the examples that some countriesŐ reputations have been damaged due to dishonest and corrupt politicians, who obviously destroy peopleŐs trust. Second, farsightedness is another essential quality for a good leader. This is especially critical when formulating an influential policy or making a big decision for the country. Finally, a good leader must have sincere concern for the country and well-being of its citizen. For example, the president of the U.S Barack Obama[160] proposed the new health plan and immigration policies, both of which improve the peopleŐs livelihood. In short, a national leader who boasts the above three qualities will lead the country more effectively and successfully.
(157 words)
|
|
Percent |
|
K1 Words (1-1000): |
82.05% |
|
K2 Words (1001-2000): |
7.69% |
|
AWL Words (academic): |
5.77% |
|
Off-List Words: |
4.49% |
|
|
100% |
This paragraph is academic, well-organized and excellently written. It employs a variety of sentence types, and the sentences are almost error-free. However, there are only 3 relative clauses, politicians, who, leader who, policies, both of which. The same relative pronoun, who, is used twice. There are no adjective phrases. The AWL target was achieved, and the ideas were expressed within the length limits.
11/14/14
Like your previous submission, this entire paragraph is plagiarized. Your score is zero (0).
Half of the sentences are stolen from your classmate in last semester's class. They are marked in this color xxxxxxx. Half of the sentences, marked in this color xxxxxxx, are stolen from another source accessible on the web.
A leader is not a dictator. A successful leader encourages others to follow them and to work effectively. There are many great leaders. Leaders who are effective do not demand, instead they encourage. I have been a supervisor many times. I find it an honor and priviledge to work for my employees. A good leader must be fair, sharp and skillfulI. The leader must be able to recognize distinctive individual that are qualified for specific assignment. I have dealt with all kinds above me and below me in authority. I have learned the better you treat your employees and give them respect, guidance and praise, the work effective they are at their job. Giving the same opportunity to all employees is a need. They are the one who should listen and give advices. They must also learn to know all of their team mates, and encourage cooperation which is one of the most essential skills in today working force. They should be resourceful as well. During a difficult time, they can be the place where flexibility is found and trust is established.
These sentences are stolen from another one of my students:
In my opinion, a good leader must be fair, sharp and skillful. Giving the same
opportunity to all employees is a need. The leader must be able to recognize
distinctive individual that are qualified for specific assignment. Despite the
facts that some employees are young, they have brilliant ideas, and they love
to take risks. As a leader, one must learn how to incorporate things together:
try the new things and maintain the old procedure. They must also learn to know all of their team
mates, and encourage cooperation which is one of the most essential
skills in today working force. The effort of teamwork must be
incorporated in all aspects and area at work. In addition, good leader must be
attentive. They are the
one who should listen and give advices. They should be resourceful
as well. During a difficult time, they can be the place where
flexibility is found and trust is established. Employees will look
up to them, as a dominant role, for advice and hope.
Half of the sentences are stolen from https://prezi.com/phyemhkylldg/untitled-prezi/
A leader is not a dictator. A
successful leader encourages others to follow them and to work effectively.
There are many great leaders. Leaders who are effective do not demand, instead
they encourage. I have been a supervisor many times. I find it an honor and priviledge to work for my employees. I have dealt with all kinds above me
and below me in authority. I have learned the better you treat your employees
and give them respect, guidance and praise, the work effective they are at
their job.
[1] punc:
[2] ww
[3] wf
[4] NR: Set off a nonrestrictive clause with a comma
[5] det + n
[6] punc NR
[7] tns
[8] ww, pl: shops/vendors/stores/sellers
[9] ww
[10] wf
[11] det +
[12] tns?
[13] punc
[14] ww - made the prestige??
[15] IC1, cc IC2
[16] tns
[17] ww
[18] prep
[19] tns
[20] ww: Use a transition for addition, not contrast.
[21] ww
[22]
restrictive; use that
[23] wf
[24] wf
[25] det + n
[26] punc
[27] cc
[28] del
[29] v
[30] wo?
[31] del
[32] wo, sf
[33] del
[34] pl
[35] punc: set off appositive phr w commas
[36] BE + adj
[37] punc
[38] del prep phr
[39] wf
[40] del
[41] ww?
[42] Ww: for
[43] del
[44] art: see p. A-17
[45] del
[46] ww: water does not include the other landscape
[47] ww: that is a highlight of
[48] punc
[49] infinitive of purpose: to promote
[50] ww. cope with a bad situation – this is a good one!
[51] Del space
[52] del OR change: to allow tourist to enjoy
[53] NR p. 174
[54] p. 162 the N1 of N2
[55] tns: pres perf
[56] det: whose?
[57] ww: of
[58] ww
[59] BE + pp
[60] pl
[61] ww: because its
[62] ww
[63] ww, NR: America, where
[64] det
[65] dset
[66] pl
[67] wf: ger
[68] del
[69] Negros or Black people.
[70] NR, p. 174.
[71] del
[72] sp
[73] det
[74] det
[75] wo: they didn't even have
[76] del
[77] del
[78] frag! missing IC. See http://streaming.missioncollege.edu/mchan/media/970g/Correct.html
[79] del
[80] wf inf
[81] frag
[82] dek
[83] ww
[84] ww
[85] wf
[86] del
[87] ww
[88] wf
[89] del
[90] det
[91] either delete this or add a verb: which is made
[92] pl
[93] ww: such as
[94] wf
[95] prep
[96] pl
[97] wo: city in China
[98] tns: simp past
[99] This entire sentence is plagiarized from multiple websites https://www.google.com/search?q=It+is+a+major+transportation+hub,+with+dozens+of+railways,+roads+and+motorways+passing+through+the+city
[100] tns: why past? Why not present?
[101] Aha! I see why. You plagiarized this clause from a tourist website and took it out of context.
[102] wf: S
[103] tns: past
[104] not sure what you mean here: stressed (?) the quality of life?
[105] You plagiarized this sentence, too.
[106] This sentence is also plagiarized.
[107] sva
[108] ww: whether
[109] Why set up a controversy? This clause doesn't fit the content of the paragraph.
[110] Keep the point of view consistent. Don't use you in sentence 1 if you use we in the remaining sentences.
[111] pl
[112] frag -- missing IC
[113] punc
[114] punc: NR p 174
[115] sp
[116] det
[117] wf: passive
[118] heart disease? Heart failure?
[119] Tns: pres
[120] punc: NR
[121] wf: developing OR the development of
[122] ww – what do you mean?
[123] + n cl. See p 215
[124] punc: NR
[125] ww: must not? Should not? Necessity or advice, not ability/possibility.
[126] Read direction #2: Type a suitable title in the Subject Line of your message; capitalize the content words (N, V, Adj, Adv). Also, a title never ends in a period; it's not a sentence.
[127] This is a stuck-together "sentence". Unglue it at However. The first phrase needs a verb phrase (predicate) to become a sentence. However needs a capital and a comma
[128] cap, punc
[129] ww. An adjective cannot be a subject. Use a n. phr. or ger. phr. Or use this structure: It is (adj) to (verb)
[130] so (adj) that (result)
[132] What is the subject of this verb?
[133] Frag. This DC needs an IC.
[134] Wf. No need for perfect form; use simple gerund.
[135] Tns: simp. pres.
[136] wf: inf.
[137] IC, cc IC.
[138] Ww:challenge your day laugh?? Meaning?
[139] Ww: using humor?
[140] Wf: Modal + base form
[141] ro
[142] wo, 2 words.
[143] punc DC + comma + IC
[144] wf: obj
[145] punc: NR p 174
[146] by yourself?
[147] sva
[148] punc: semicolon. http://streaming.missioncollege.edu/mchan/media/970g/Correct.html
[149] ww: See Ch12 p. 224, p. A-23
[150] tns
[152] punc
[153] //
[154] S
[155] juice?
[156] Ww – it cannot be obvious to the reader.
[157] Sg/pl?
[158] Ww: the
[159] del inf
[160] punc: See p. 183 C2 on appositives