1. Compose
a short essay of 150-175 words using different verb tenses in the present time
frame. Refer to GS Chapter 1 The Present C4 Write and Beyond the Classroom for topic ideas. Use Writing Checklist to
check your work before you post it. (pages 13-14)
Underline the verbs in
the present time frame.
2. Examine
the vocabulary in your writing by copying and pasting your sentences in
the Web Vocabulary Profiler at
the Compleat Tutor. Strive to include at least 5%
words from the Academic Word List (AWL), which are shown in yellow.
9/14/2014
My name is Dung. IÕm a full time student. This is the fourth semester in Mission college. My major is business. I have been living here for 3 years. I go to school five days a week and leave for school at 8:00 am. Now IÕm living in Milpitas with my younger brothers. IÕm very busy when I come home like helping my sister prepares some foods and cleaning the house. After that, I either study or tutor my younger brothers and sister. I donÕt like to go out because of my heavy schedule. Nevertheless, once in a while I manage to join my friends on Sunday evening at restaurant or karaoke and we all have a good time together. Most of the time, though I just stay home listening to music, watching video and reading books whenever I can find the time. I must study hard to go to the university. I want to become a business women like my mother and I will try my best.
9/15/2014
Although the length of the paragraph is within the word limit and is set in the present time frame, this submission does not follow all of the criteria of the assignment. The topic sentence of a paragraph should appear in the first or second sentence. According to the first two sentences, this topic belongs in Introductions DF. The overall sentence structure, with a few exceptions, is very good. The paragraph should use all of the present tenses presented in Chapter 1 The Present. Present verbs should be underlined. Data from the Web Vocabulary Profiler should be provided. Vocabulary should include 5% AWL. Following carefully the directions and the model for the next writing assignments may increase future writing assignment grades.
my name is dung i a full time student this is the
fourth semester in mission college my major is business i have been living here for number
years i go to school five days a week and leave for
school at number am now i living in milpitas with my younger brothers i very busy when i come home like helping my sister
prepares some foods and cleaning the house after that i either study or tutor my younger brothers and sister i don like to go out because of my heavy schedule nevertheless once in a while i manage to join my friends on sunday evening at restaurant or karaoke and we all have a good time
together most of the time though i just stay home
listening to music watching video and reading books whenever i can find the time i must study hard to go to the university i want to become a business women like my mother and i will try my best
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Selected correction
ro, tns, cn, wf. IÕm very busy when I come home like helping my sister prepares some foods and cleaning the house. IÕm very busy. When I come home, I help my sister prepare some food and clean the house.
9/14/2014
I am from India and I like to eat Indian food either in home or restaurant's. We are going to eat there and restaurant name is Chaat bhavan it is situated in sunny wale. I like that restaurant for food quality, cleanness, price, services and for management also. I am going there from last one year and all of my experiences are really very good. I am going there mostly on Sundays with my family for dinner or sometime for lunch there we get the time for gossiping and we enjoy the food also. This restaurant is really very popular with Indians other country people's are also coming there. Me and my family member's doesn't like non vegetarian food that's why we like to go there most of the times. I like there food management, sitting arrangement and I love all of my tasty Indian dishes. Sunday is my cool and happiest day from all of my days.
This submission starts with a glaring spelling error in the title; the basic word 'restaurant' is misspelled. This does not make a good first impression. The simplest cure is to do a spell check before submitting a writing assignment. Within the paragraph are numerous types of errors. The most serious are sentence structure. It is not clear that the writer studied Chapter 1 The Present, considering the use of present tenses in these sentences. Other errors include pronouns, prepositions, articles, word choice, word form, punctuation, spelling. Present verbs should be underlined. Data from the Web Vocabulary Profiler should be provided. The writer is advised to review simple, compound, complex, and compound-complex sentence structure from ESL 950-960 course materials and/or seek tutorial assistance on campus at the Academic Support Center in Room S2-401 or online in Angel Lessons > Smarthinking. Watch the lecture videos, do all of the textbook exercises, and follow the directions and the model for the next writing assignments. The paragraph contains no (zero) academic vocabulary. In Advanced ESL, writers should demonstrate use of 5% AWL.
i am from india and i
like to eat indian food either in home or restaurant we are going to eat there and restaurant name is chaat bhavan it
is situated in sunny wale i like that restaurant for food quality cleanness price services and for management also i am going there from last one year and
all of my experiences are really very good i am going
there mostly on sundays with my family for dinner or sometime for lunch there we get the time for gossiping and we enjoy the food also this restaurant is really very popular with indians other country people are also
coming there me and my family member does not like non vegetarian food that is why we like
to go there most of the times i like there food management sitting arrangement and i
love all of my tasty indian
dishes sunday is my cool and happiest day from all of my
days
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Selected corrections
Tns, sent struc, cap, sp: We are going to eat there and restaurant name is Chaat bhavan it is situated in sunny wale. We (sometimes? Often? Usually) eat at Chaat Bhavan, which is located in Sunnyvale.
RI am going there from last one yearÉ ˆ My family and I have been going there for one yearÉ
Prep: at home
I am going there mostly on Sundays with my family ˆ We go there mostly on Sundays
punc: in restaurants
run-on (ro), tns, : This restaurant is really very popular with Indians other country people's are also coming there. ˆ This restaurant is really very popular with Indians. People from other countries also go there. like non vegetarian food that's why we ˆ like non-vegetarian food, That is why we
Compare 'I' subject pronoun vs. 'me' object pronoun. We teach this in beginning English (ESL 910, 920). Never begin a sentence with 'Me'. I talk to him. He talks to me. NOT Me talk to him. List other subjects before yourself. My daughter and I. NOT Me (or I) and my daughter.
SVA: My family and I do not likeÉ NOT MeÉ doesn't like.
Ww: thereÉ management ˆ their
Ww: my tastyÉdishes ˆ
their
9/14/2014
Today I like to talk about my daily life. I like cooking. I have been cooking for 30 years for my family. I am taking class 970G this semester. I have been in the U.S. for four years. Every morning, I make coffee and breakfast. While I am eating breakfast, I usually watch the news on TV. After that, I go to my husbandÕs shop to help him, and then greet customers. Sometimes I walk around the mall to exercise in two hours. Then, we have break time for lunch together. After we finish our lunch, I always check the sale reports. We have been working at the watch repair shop in Sears for one year. We are happy with our job now.
One of my qualms when I came to the U.S. is the language barrier. However, we have overcome that obstacle, and we feel really lucky about that. In conclusion, I am very satisfied with my life right now.
This is not formatted as one paragraph, as required, but two. The word length is within the limits. The various present tense verbs are underlined. The paragraph lacks a topic sentence. The first sentence is inappropriate as this is a writing assignment, not a conversation. The sentences individually may have adequate structure, yet the paragraph suffers from jumping from topic to another without being unified –cooking, taking 970G, make coffee, language barrier – sentences are out of logical sequence. Also note that the last three sentences are not daily life actions.
This submission failed to include data from the Web Vocabulary Profiler. I show it below. At only 1.26% Academic Word List (AWL), this writing contains far less than the target of 5%.
Selected corrections:
Prep: exercise in two hours ˆ exercise for two hours
Sent struc IC1 + , + cc + IC2: Éto help him, and then greet customers ˆ to help him (do what?) and then I greet customers
today i like to talk about my daily life i
like cooking i
have been cooking for number years for my family i am taking class numberg this
semester i
have been in the for four years every morning i make coffee
and breakfast while i
am eating breakfast i
usually watch the news on tv after
that i go to my husband shop
to help him and then greet customers sometimes
i walk around the mall to
exercise in two hours then we have break time for lunch
together after we finish our lunch i
always check the sale reports we have been
working at the watch repair shop in sears
for one year we are happy with our job now
one
of my qualms when i
came to the is the language barrier however
we have overcome that obstacle
and we feel really lucky about
that in conclusion i
am very satisfied with my life right now
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1.26 |
94.97 |
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5.03 |
100.00 |
9/14/2014
English is the most widely used language in the
world. For people whose native language is not in English, it is
very difficult to become fluent in English. Many in the learning curve of
studying English all have experienced similar challenges. As my personal
experience, I have had two difficult things. First, change and overcome
the interference of thinking in Chinese. Chinese and English are two
different language systems. English emphasizes on the structure, whiles Chinese
focuses on the meaning. Especially, the context and concept of time in Chinese
is not handled through the use of different tenses and verb forms as it is
in English. The complexities of the English verb system always challenges
to Chinese learner. I have deep-rooted in Chinese system, and it affects
me a lot. I have been learning ESL at Mission College for one year. It has
very good English comprehensive learning environment, and instructors encourage
students thinking in English. Second, the confidence, in the beginning, I was
afraid of speaking English. After a period of study, I have found even
native speakers make mistakes in English.Right now, I
am still learning, and I will do a good job in English with my
hard work.
(203 words)
english is the most widely used language in the
world for people whose native language is not in english
it is very difficult to become fluent
in english many in the learning curve of studying english all have
experienced similar
challenges as my
personal experience i have had two difficult things
first change and overcome the interference of thinking in chinese chinese and english are
two different language systems english emphasizes on the structure whiles
chinese focuses on
the meaning especially
the context and concept
of time in chinese is not handled
through the use of
different tenses and verb forms
as it is in english the complexities of the english verb system always challenges to chinese learner
i have deep rooted in
chinese system and it affects me
a lot i have been learning esl at mission
college for one year
it has very good english comprehensive learning environment and instructors
encourage students thinking in english
second the confidence
in the beginning i was afraid
of speaking english after a period of
study i have found even native speakers make mistakes in english right now i am still learning and i will do
a good job in english with
my hard work
K1
Words (1 to 1000): 80.79%
K2
Words (1001 to 2000): 6.40%
AWL
Words (academic): 7.39%
Off-List
Words: 5.42%
This paragraph is unified and consists of sentences with very good structure. All of the present tense verb tenses are used. Some but not all all verbs are underlined. The submission includes vocabulary data and shows 7.39% academic vocabulary, surpassing the minimum 5%. Next time instead of using the stative verb BE so much (at least 6 times), try using more action verbs.
The number of words exceeds the limit; the writer needs to cut words and select the most essential 150 to 175.For example, the opening sentence is too general for this paragraph about your personal experience learning English. See also below where I cut 23 to 7 words. Why mention native speakers? That is not related to confidence.
Selected corrections:
About English Study ˆ My English Studies
Many (?) in the learning curve of studying English all (?) have experienced similar challenges. As my personal experience, I have had two difficult things. ˆ I have encountered two difficulties learning English.
Frag: First, change and overcome the interference of thinking in Chinese. – No subj. No verb. ˆ My first problem has been overcoming the interference of thinking in Chinese.
Logical fallacy: English emphasizes on the structure, whiles Chinese focuses on the meaning. Besides, 'emphasize' = vt, not vi. Because English is not your native language, you spend a great deal of time (energy) on sentence structure.
vt, not vi: emphasize, challenge, ˆ challenges a Chinese learner.
have deep roots in the Ch. s.
sva:
wf inf: instructors encourage students thinking ˆ to think
frag, cs: Second, the confidence, in the beginning, I was afraid of speaking English. ˆ Second, I lacked confidence. In the beginningÉ
Student 5 Phan, Hanh Raymond 70
9/14/2014
I am happy to tell you an important meeting. IÕve had a private talk with our teacher recently. I meet her for one hour at her work station. The reason of my visit is that I need to overcome all the struggles IÕve met when doing the assignments in Lessons of Angels. At the beginning I feel a little bit nervous when I first meet and talk to her, but slowly I feel more confident thanks to the way she behaves and explains all my questions nicely. She always has a happy face. I can see her full devotion to do her job effectively as an ESL instructor. So after one hour working with Mrs Chan, I am satisfied and feel ready to go ahead to study and do all the assignments in Grammar Sense 4 without any hesitation. So, why donÕt we go see our teacher to solve our problems? ThatÕs really helpful.
This paragraph is of the minimum length. It is unified in content and uses a variety of sentence types. However, it does not describe a situation in the present time frame. In fact, it is about a particular completed past event with only a few general truth present habits. The use of present tense is incorrect. In addition, there are no examples of pres cont or cont perf cont verbs because the topic is not about the present. The writer is encouraged to review Chapter 1 The Present to learn how all of the present tenses are used, and compare them with Chapter 2 The Past. This submission failed to include data from the Web Vocabulary Profiler. It appears below. At only 3.25% Academic Word List (AWL), this writing contains less than the target of 5%.
Selected corrections:
Tell/write sbdy about sthg. Note: This is not a conversation.
Tns: IÕve had a private talkÉ I meet her ˆ I had a private talkÉ I met her - completed past actions
Prep, tns: The reason of my visit is that I needÉ IÕve met ˆ
The reason for my visit is that I needed É IÕd
met
Tns: At the beginning I feel ˆ I feltÉ I first meet and talk to her, but slowly I feel ˆ I first met and talked to her, but slowly I felt/began to feelÉ So after one hour É, I am satisfied and feel ready ˆ So after one hour É, I was satisfied and felt ready
i am happy
to tell you an important meeting iÕve had
a private talk with our teacher recently i meet her
for one hour at her work station the reason of my visit is that i need to overcome all the struggles iÕve met when doing the assignments in lessons of angels at the beginning i feel a little bit
nervous when
i first meet and talk to her but slowly i feel more confident thanks to the way she behaves and explains all my questions nicely
she always has a happy face i can see her full devotion
to do her job
effectively as an esl instructor
so after one hour working with mrs chan i am satisfied and feel ready to go ahead to study and do all the assignments in grammar sense number without any hesitation so why don we go see our teacher to solve
our problems that really helpful
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On 9/9/2014 at 11:14 PM, Liu, Yan wrote:
I like Halloween,
which is a traditional cultural festival in the US, because
it let me become brave. In china I was extremely scared
because my mom seriously told me that all ghost ranged the streets on the
Hungry Ghost Festival, which is like American culture's
Halloween. There are many festive Halloween activities in the
US such as trick-or-treating, attending costume parties, decorating houses,
carving pumpkins into jack-o'-lanterns, and so on. On Halloween day, I
often dress up in fancy costumes and carve lanterns
with 'scary' faces out of pumpkins or design and decorate our house in
Halloween style. Many children visit our
home and demand sweets, snacks or a small gift. If
they do not get this, they threaten to do
some harm to the inhabitants of the house. How relaxed, positive and
interesting it is! Finally I am never scared about
ghost in the US. Halloween is a day of merriment, costumes,
parades and sweet treats for children and adults.
(163 words)
K1: 67.88%
k2 : 6.06%
K1+K2: 23.94%
AWL words: 6.06%
off-list words: 20%
This paragraph is written in the present time frame, as required. At 165 words, it fits the length limit. The paragraph is unified, well-organized and easy to read with its supporting details. The structure of the 8 sentences is varied and well-written. The verbs are underlined, and vocabulary data is listed, as required. The AWL vocabulary is on target at 6.06%. Verbs: There is no variety in verb tenses in the present time frame. This paragraph contains only simple present. It lacks present continuous, pres perf, pres perf cont. It uses the verb BE six times. The writer is encouraged to use a few more action verbs instead of stative verbs in the future writing assignments.
The word Chinese word 让 rang can be translated into
English as let, have, help, or make. Instead of let (should be has let), has helped, would be better. Even has made is suitable because it is more
forceful; it shows how much you changed from the time you used to be extremely
scared.
Selected corrections:
Cap: china ˆ
China
pl cn: all
ghost ˆall
ghosts
ww: ranged the streets
ˆ roamed the
streets ˆ
sg cn? I often dress
up in fancy costumes ˆa fancy costume -- or do you wear more than one?
wf,
//: relaxed,É interesting ˆ
relaxingÉ.. interesting
ww, pl cn: scared about ghost
ˆ
scared of ghosts
i like halloween which is a traditional cultural festival in the us because it let me become brave
in china
i was extremely scared because my mom seriously told me
that all ghost ranged the streets on the hungry ghost festival which is like american culture halloween there are many festive halloween activities in the us such as trick
or treating
attending costume parties decorating houses carving pumpkins into jack lanterns and so on on halloween day i often dress up in fancy costumes and carve lanterns with cary faces out of pumpkins or design and decorate our house in halloween style many children visit our home and demand sweets snacks or a small gift if they do not
get this they threaten to do some harm to the inhabitants of the house how relaxed positive and interesting it is finally i am never scared about ghost in the us halloween is a day of merriment costumes parades and
sweet treats for children and adults
9/10/2014
When it comes to the forerunner of technological innovation, we undoubtedly regard Steve Jobs as a remarkable innovator who has playeda leading role in our social and technological changes. He has made a difference in many ways. First of all, he co-founded the Apple Inc., which has been recognized as one of the best-known technology companies specialized in the design and develop of the personal computer products. He has been a pioneer to renovate technology from personal computer to smartphones, tablet PC, music, etc. Nowadays, the fascinating Apple products are prevailing in our modern lives and faithful Apple fans are spreading all over the world. Therefore, we have to acknowledge that it is the Steve to change and make our lives much more ideal. In addition, as an entrepreneur, he offered lots of advise to the young generations. A famous quoteÓ Stay Hungry, Stay FoolishÓ by Steve has been inspiring many young people to pursue what they love and push themselves to obtain what they want. In conclusion, I haveto say that Steve has always been a role model in our minds since he changed our technologies, our lives and even our world.
(195 words)
This paragraph is unified around one topic. The sentence structure is very good, and there is a variety of sentence types. However, it is not truly set in the present time frame. Since Steve Jobs is deceased, the past tense must be used, not the present tense, for many of the verbs. "He has made a difference" implies that he is still alive. He is not. First of all, he co-founded the Apple Inc (delete 'the'): this sentence focuses on a past event. The paragraph should focus on the present and should include a maximum of 175 words.
Selected corrections:
Tns: He has made a difference ˆ He made/ His inventions have made/ His work has madeÉ
Tns, ww: Nowadays,
the fascinating Apple products are prevailing in our modern
lives and faithful Apple fans are spreading all over the world.
ˆ
Nowadays, fascinating Apple products prevail in our modern lives
and the number of Apple fans all over the world has increased.
Not English: it is the Steve to change ˆSteve Jobs is the one who changed
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10.26 |
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when it comes to the forerunner of technological innovation we undoubtedly regard steve jobs as a remarkable innovator who has playeda leading role in our social and technological changes he has made a
difference in many ways first of all he co
founded the
apple inc
which has been recognized as one of the best
known technology companies specialized in the design
and develop of the personal computer products he has been a pioneer to renovate technology from personal computer to smartphones tablet pc music etc nowadays the fascinating apple products are prevailing in our modern lives and faithful apple
fans are spreading all over the world therefore we
have to acknowledge that it is the steve to change and make our lives
much more ideal in addition as an entrepreneur he offered lots of advise to the young generations a famous quote stay hungry stay foolish by steve has been inspiring many young people to pursue what they love and push themselves to obtain what they want in conclusion i haveto say that steve has always been a role model in our minds since he changed our technologies
our lives and even our world
9/10/2014
In recent years, Yoga has been becoming popular
in Bay Area. ItÕs easy to find a yoga studio or yoga class in any
Gym. Increasing number of people are talking and practicing yoga
around you since they can get health benefit through practicing
it. Yoga is an excellent way to stretch and strengthen your
body by holding the postures. Every yoga pose has a different
name and including standing postures, seated twists, backbends, core holds and
so on. These posturestarget specific
muscles and increase your flexibility. Once you have
learned a few yoga moves and breathing techniques, you can
practice it at home, office or anywhere. It doesnÕt requireany
equipment, only some time, a little floor space and your body. When you practice yoga,
you focus on the pose and breath that can help
you lower stress level and relax your spirit and achieve peace. The
spiritual practice can bring you back in touch with yourselves
and let you get truly calm down.
(Words 164)
The paragraph is unified (one topic) and its length remains within the word limit. The verbs are underlined. No vocabulary data was provided with this submission. There are no instances of pres perf or pres cont tenses.
in recent years yoga has been becoming popular in bay
area it
easy to find a yoga studio or yoga class in any gym increasing number of people are talking and practicing yoga around you since they can get health
benefit through
practicing it
yoga is
an excellent way
to stretch and
strengthen your body by holding the postures
every yoga
pose has
a different name and including standing postures
seated twists
backbends core
holds and so on these posturestarget specific muscles and increase your flexibility once you have learned a few yoga moves and breathing techniques you can practice it at home office or anywhere it doesn requireany equipment only some time a little floor space and your body when you practice yoga you focus on the pose and breath that can help you lower stress level and relax your spirit and achieve peace the spiritual practice can bring you back in touch with yourselves and let you get truly calm down
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Selected corrections:
Practice Yoga ˆ The Benefits of Practicing Yoga
Cap: Yoga ˆ yoga. Gym ˆ gym
Sp: posturestarget postures target. Requireany ˆ require any
In recent years, Yoga has been becoming popular in Bay Area. ˆ Éyoga has become popular in the Bay Area.
Increasing number of people are
talking ˆ An increasing number of
people are taking
around you – Beware of using you. This is oot a conversation. How can you assume the reader is surrounded?
the postures – the? Which? No antecedent.
// Every yoga pose has a different name and including ˆ includes
moves and breathing techniques, you can practice it ˆ them
the pose and breath that can help ˆ the pose and breath, which can help
9/14/2014
I see China News currently ,and I focus lots of news around the pollution and environment in China. Factory exhaust and automobile exhaust are main source of air pollution,in addition , big cities in China ,such as Bingjing and shanghai ,have a big problem of pollution, so people who live in these cities are worried about their health because they live in the unhealthy areas.The government has been finding a good way and trying to solve this serious question recently , moreover,they have made some policies against the worse and worse pollution,for example , Less public transportation fares has encouraged residents to go out by public autobus ;To control the rate of rising private automobile have reduced air pollution and traffic jams,and to limit private vehicles enter downtown in Bejing. Nowadays Chinese know it's important to recycle waste material, also, they have been trying their best to do it ,such as garbage classification ,to limit the use of plastic bags,however, it is a long way to protect our environment . For these reasons , I believe many position will have been providing to the younger generation, furthermore, do not destroy forests.
words 191
k1 75.92
k2 5.24
AWL 5.76
off-list 13.09
This submission starts with a glaring spelling error in the title; the basic word Environment is misspelled. This does not make a good first impression. It is simple to perform a spell check before submitting a writing assignment. The paragraph is composed of a variety of sentence types. All verbs in the present time frame are used, and they are underlined, as required. The length exceeds the 150-175-word limit. Data about vocabulary was included in this submission.
The content is good, and academic vocabulary is 5.76%, as desired. The most serious problem is that of sentence boundaries. Review your ESL 950 and 960 course materials and Correction Symbols. Get online help with Smarthinking or on-campus tutoring in the Academic Support Center S2-401. In addition, word choice, word form, subject-verb agreement, spelling, and punctuation are areas to improve. Put a space after a comma or period, but not before one. Capitalize proper nouns, such as names of cities. Beijing is an extremely well-known city; do not misspell it!
Selected corrections:
To protect envirornment ˆ Protecting the Environment
I see China News currently ,and I focus lots of news around the pollution ˆ I frequently read news about China, and I focus on news about the pollution OR I recently readÉ
are main source ˆ are the main sources
Sp: Bingjing ˆ 这样写北京不丢脸吗？Beijing
CS (comma splice errors!): pollution,in addition , big cities ˆ pollution. In addition, big citiesÉ recently , moreover,they ˆ recently. Moreover, theyÉ pollution,for example ˆ pollution. For example
Ww: The government has been finding a good way and trying to solve ˆ The government has been looking for/searching for a good way to solve
Ww: the worse and worse pollution ˆ the worsening pollution
Cap, sva: for example , Less public transportation fares has encouraged residents ˆ For example, lower public transportation fares have encouraged residents
Late submissions are scored without comments.